Co-Dependency Issues...

[Sweets79]

I wasn't really sure what that meant, until I did some research on it lately...It seems that I have some of the signs of being Co-dependant...I don't have a problem sticking up for myself, although I did when I was younger, but I do fit some of the other traits...I'm always the first person to cook and offer food, or try to comfort someone I feel is in need...especially someone I'm falling for...I used to try to be as accomadating as possible...even second guess what I said to make sure I didn't turn them off in some way...or I would go over conversations to make sure everything I said was okay, stuff like that..I see it says that this condition was rooted in childhood, and that makes sense to me because I grew up with an alcoholic father and a skitzophrenic uncle...I was always told to keep "peace" and not provoke them...That might be an indication of the people I have been attracted to since my mid-twenties...I was never really attracted to people who were bad for me when I was younger...it started a few years ago...If anyone else has co-dependant issues, I'd like you to share...Did you go to therapy for it? And if you did, did it help in your next relationship? Any input is appreciated.

[liveweyerd]

There is a great thread in the Newcomer's Daily Support threads on codependency...please join us!

[mamabin]

I was codependent for a long time. I didn't even know. I was also raised to keep the peace, it was like walking on eggshells at my house. Because my father had problems and my mother made sure he was taken care of. So we tiptoed around him. I was always cut down for sticking up for myself. My mother believed that your worth as a woman depended on how happy your husband was, and how clean your house was. What would the neighbors think. That kinda thing.

I was married to someone who was manipulative. When I tried to get away from him after 13 years of marriage, he made my life a living h e l l. I ended up in therapy and was shocked to find out that I was to blame for stuff he did to me. It was a whole new concept for me. I did alot of reading. Codepency books. I couldn't believe they described me. It was a long learning process and I still catch myself sometimes.

My husband now is much different. I pretty much do what I want. He actually asks me how my day was. That kinda thing. I'm still learning. At 44 I guess I'm making up for lost time. I don't get cut down by my husband. Even when I come home with new tattoos, he takes me as I am.

It's all about boundaries.

[Overman]

Codependency is largely a transgenerational phenomena. Its a learned pattern of behaviors thats passed down through the family.

[Sweets79]

Originally Posted by Overman

Codependency is largely a transgenerational phenomena. Its a learned pattern of behaviors thats passed down through the family.

Dave that is so true...My mother has 2 brothers..One who was like my father and died about 5 years ago, which was an awful shock to me...and one who is a skitzophrenic..My grandmother always taught my mother and I never to talk back to him...never to stick up for ourselves...There were many times he would yell and mentally abuse my grandmother and she would just take it...Anything to not provoke him more..and many times he abused me mentally and showed signs that he had the capability of being violent (which he actually did try to get violent with me recently, now I stay away from him completely)..and I got the blame for it.. "Why did you provoke him, he's your uncle"...I didn't care I still used to yell back at him...but alot of times I had to bite my tongue...My mother learned that co-dependant behavior from my grandmother...always be quiet...and she was like that alot with my father, who is an alcoholic.They would argue, but I remember laying in bed at night and not being able to express how I really felt about him when he put my mother and I down...not being able to have a voice..Thank you for bringing up that point.