personality disorder

[crzylilmndfreak]

can someone with this disorder please tell me their experience with it? i was diagnosed with this, and would like to hear from others with the same... am also an alcoholic, sober for 13 months, and have extreme social anxiety, which is getting worse and worse, i have adult add also, and was put on ritalin, and am hoping being on this med isnt the cause of my anxiety problem, because it has helped me extremely with focusing on things throughout my day. thanx for any help

[crzylilmndfreak]

i just wanted to point out that i had this anxiety problem even before i started the ritalin, so i dont think that could be the cause, at least not completely

[historyteach]

Ritalin is a stimulant. With ADD, it actually helps you calm down, though. However, there is a possibility that it can exaserabate or even cause anxiety.

Anxiety: If an individual is anxious, the stimulants can exacerbate the symptoms. The treatment of this side effect is similar to that of depression. It may be best to treat a co-existing anxiety disorder before treating the AD/HD.

Ritalin Helps...but what about the side effects?
You should speak with your doctor about this.
Here's some ways to help you deal with anxiety:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4gxS...layer_embedded

I hope this helps.

Shalom!

[Zencat]

Personality Disorder's (PD) covers a lot of ground. I have been diagnosed with one and am pleased to know that there has been a lot of effort put into by professionals to understand them. I mean its one thing to feel out of sorts and another to know that psychologist's can put a name on it.

My experience with my PD has been one of confusion, frustration and dejection at the start and relief as of currently. Relief that is in knowing there is treatment available to me. One treatment that has given me much comfort is knowing how my PD came about and that being from PTSD formed from childhood experiences. It has been good to know how I got a PD in the first place. That its not my fault that I have PD.

[crzylilmndfreak]

I honestly dont know why i have PD, if you could, would you mind sharing what caused yours??

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak

I honestly dont know why i have PD, if you could, would you mind sharing what caused yours??

Sure. Mine came about from traumatic abuse as a child. And this is hard to discuss in a way that makes sense. But in a hope this helps...I did not form a health bound with my mother. That is to say I could not trust her. On one hand she was my everything; my care giver, my protector, my security. She was at the same time; my worst fear, my enemy, my deepest source of shame. This childhood experience of a mother left me baffled and confused. I lived a childhood torn between trust and deceit...It changed the direction as to who I would become as an adult.

To this day I still practice a healing...a healing that now revolves around caring for myself and not caring to numb myself.

[crzylilmndfreak]

"This childhood experience of a mother left me baffled and confused. I lived a childhood torn between trust and deceit...It changed the direction as to who I would become as an adult."



see i have been trying to figure out what kind of childhood experience i may have had to cause my PD, and the only thing i can come up with was my experience growing up with my step father, who is the only "real" father i have known, my real father left my mom and i when i was a baby, came around on occasion maybe 2-3 times, then never saw him again...anyway, my step father and i had an extremely trying relation ship, i never felt "wanted" from him, he would discipline me in an extremely mental way, and all i wanted to do was rebel against him, in a very big way. He was in he military for many years, and he definatly carried over his beliefs from that over onto me, basicly wanted to make me his little "soldier." It was really bad. I suppressed alot of anger, for many years, not feeling wanted, never getting any love from him...But...my view is, and sorry if i sound unsympothetic, but i have seen many on this sight say that oh they were raped, treated poorly from their father, etc, as an excuse to act out using drugs, drinking, and so on, and really it makes me so mad to hear this, because i feel like we control our own actions, in the present, i became an alcoholic because i jsut enjoyed drinking so much!not because of this or that from my childhood, i became permiscuous becaue i was drinking too much, and was just very thoughtless in my actions while drunk, next day i was so remoursefull it made me sick. murderers alllways use thier excuse when they've killed someone, that oh, they had built up anger from thier mother, oh please!not everyone who has had family problems are murderers!
so honestly, i think i jsut have my PD and social anxitey problem becsue of my genetic makeup, my mother has social anxiety as well, and my father was a bad drunk, so i think it was just in my genes to have these things as well, i strongly believe that these things are inherited.
any other responses are very welcomed

[crzylilmndfreak]

this social problem that is have is so bad that yesterday, my neighbors were having a bbq and asked me if i wanted ot come, and they knew i hadnt even started dinner yet, and i just said no, i was allready looking forward to making my dinner...one of my other neigbors said a while back that i only talked to her when i wanted something, ie yesterday, i asked her for some foil...i hate that i am this way, should i tell them about my problem? i dont want to come off as an unsocial bitch

[historyteach]

Talking to your neighbor could be a good way to break the ice and start *slowly* leading to forming a solid relationship. That may be a very good thing for you on very many fronts. It would let her know that you are a good person, and not just a stand off person who only wants to "take." It could lead to others in the area getting to know you and having more of a social network. And, it could give you a local support person, as many people are really helpful if they only *know* that there's a problem. Also, you may just be able to come out of your own shell a bit, in time! And wouldn't that be a wonderful thing!
In the end, it couldn't really hurt, could it?
Why not try.
And let us know how it goes, ok?
We care.

Shalom!

[crzylilmndfreak]

im actually trying very hard to overcome this, one of my neighbors came over to my appartment earlier today, and stayed for about half and hour, i tried really hard to stay calm, and did get through it, tonight i am going to an NA meeting, got to get there on time, so noone notices me, and will not go out for cig break, but hey!at least im going!

[historyteach]

Hey, that's FANTASTIC!!!
How do you feel about it?

Ya know what they say:
It's progress, not perfection!!!

Shalom!

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak

...But...my view is, and sorry if i sound unsympothetic, but i have seen many on this sight say that oh they were raped, treated poorly from their father, etc, as an excuse to act out using drugs, drinking, and so on, and really it makes me so mad to hear this, because i feel like we control our own actions, in the present, i became an alcoholic because i jsut enjoyed drinking so much!not because of this or that from my childhood, i became permiscuous becaue i was drinking too much, and was just very thoughtless in my actions while drunk, next day i was so remoursefull it made me sick. murderers alllways use thier excuse when they've killed someone, that oh, they had built up anger from thier mother, oh please!not everyone who has had family problems are murderers!
so honestly, i think i jsut have my PD and social anxitey problem becsue of my genetic makeup, my mother has social anxiety as well, and my father was a bad drunk, so i think it was just in my genes to have these things as well, i strongly believe that these things are inherited.
any other responses are very welcomed

I respect your view .

I started to act out as a child, that is to say my PD was active long before I became an addict. As a child I believed the abuse was my fault. So if there was any blame to be measured out, it was on me. But I had a very hard time understanding what it was that caused my mom to constantly do what she did to me. Anywho, its not necessary for me to blame anyone for anything including myself. I guess I don't play the blame game any more ...and that's good for my recovery. What has helped is I came to some understanding why I did what I did. Now I can now work to identify the relevant cause so as to bring positive change to the effect. Truly a case of knowledge is power, actually knowledge is empowering.

[crzylilmndfreak]

Originally Posted by zencat

I respect your view .

I started to act out as a child, that is to say my PD was active long before I became an addict. As a child I believed the abuse was my fault. So if there was any blame to be measured out, it was on me. But I had a very hard time understanding what it was that caused my mom to constantly do what she did to me. Anywho, its not necessary for me to blame anyone for anything including myself. I guess I don't play the blame game any more ...and that's good for my recovery. What has helped is I came to some understanding why I did what I did. Now I can now work to identify the relevant cause so as to bring positive change to the effect. Truly a case of knowledge is power, actually knowledge is empowering.

thank you Zencat, for your honest response, it seems like you really understand me, and honestly, i had expected a differnent kind of feedback, because i know that i may sound a bit unsympothetic to some peoples abusive past, and truly i am not, i jsut dont think it is necessary to put all the blame on thier past for their present mishaps, i.e. drinking, drugging etc. I also have adult add, and am on medication for that as well, but all it does is help me focus and stay somewhat calm through my day, my social anxiety is something else that i struggle with severely
I was curious if you could tell me what kind of personality traits you may have due to your Personality disorder? are you on medication for it, if so, what are you on??

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak

I was curious if you could tell me what kind of personality traits you may have due to your Personality disorder? are you on medication for it, if so, what are you on??

As for medication, I'm not taking any medication prescribed specifically my personality disorder. As for describing the traits...I really don't know what to say because I having a difficult time trying to concentrate and communicate on that topic today. I'll have to come back to that one latter and give it another try..

[GailJ]

but i have seen many on this sight say that oh they were raped, treated poorly from their father, etc, as an excuse to act out using drugs, drinking, and so on, and really it makes me so mad to hear this, because i feel like we control our own actions, in the present, i became an alcoholic because i jsut enjoyed drinking so much!not because of this or that from my childhood, i became permiscuous becaue i was drinking too much, and was just very thoughtless in my actions while drunk, next day i was so remoursefull it made me sick. murderers alllways use thier excuse when they've killed someone, that oh, they had built up anger from thier mother, oh please!not everyone who has had family problems are murderers!
I am so glad you are talking to us ALL. Please don't rate me by one post, I was in a what I call mini relapse as you will find out. I am glad you are taking stock of what and how and who and when.........

Doctors don't always have the right answers thats why we have this forum, here you can speak, you can feel, you can make mistakes....and most importantly we learn from each other.

So glad your here....keep speaking freely. I'm not the only one here

P.S. Hope your not still mad at me
stupid cat keeps licking my chin while I'm typing
she must be going into heat.....
Time for the vet

[WLDKATZ]

I cannot reallly post again right now I accidently erased what I was posting but you as well as Zen and I have a lot in common!



Pamm

[crzylilmndfreak]

[

I am so glad you are talking to us ALL. Please don't rate me by one post, I was in a what I call mini relapse as you will find out. I am glad you are taking stock of what and how and who and when.........



I am not "rating" you by your one post, i have seen several posts of yours that have just really irritated me, i know we are all here to help each other, but what can we do when you are not willing to help yourself? you brag about your scoring dope, you write messages while drunk, then blame your past on why your have "relapsed" or so you call it, though it is not a relapse if you are continueing your use.

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak

I was curious if you could tell me what kind of personality traits you may have due to your Personality disorder? are you on medication for it, if so, what are you on??

Okay I'm ready to give it a shot.

My Personality Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) has a few prominent features. One being distrust of the motivations of others that befriend me, be it family, friends, or any others that seek to get close to me. I have a difficult time 'reading peoples' emotions. I often feel that I'm always to be on guard with others. In my mind (rationally) I do relax my defenses with those close to me and yet the underlying feeling (emotion) is one of suspected.

Another feature is one of disassociation. I can turn my emotions off in an instant. An interesting side note to that is I have almost no startle response. The sad side effect of disassociation has been an ability to be involved in violent assaults or associate with those that are extremely violent. I can switch off at will my conscious and any emotional remorse to violence.

Among the obvious downside of such detachment from emotional awareness is the somatic symptoms that trouble to this day. I may not be emotionally distressed at times but my body acts differently.

[crzylilmndfreak]

Originally Posted by zencat

Okay I'm ready to give it a shot.

My Personality Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) has a few prominent features. One being distrust of the motivations of others that befriend me, be it family, friends, or any others that seek to get close to me. I have a difficult time 'reading peoples' emotions. I often feel that I'm always to be on guard with others. In my mind (rationally) I do relax my defenses with those close to me and yet the underlying feeling (emotion) is one of suspected.

Another feature is one of disassociation. I can turn my emotions off in an instant. An interesting side note to that is I have almost no startle response. The sad side effect of disassociation has been an ability to be involved in violent assaults or associate with those that are extremely violent. I can switch off at will my conscious and any emotional remorse to violence.

Among the obvious downside of such detachment from emotional awareness is the somatic symptoms that trouble to this day. I may not be emotionally distressed at times but my body acts differently.

Thank you for your response, is there a difference in personality disorder, and Borderline personality disorder? because that is what i was diagnosed as having, and i havent found much on the puter about the traits, so can anyone help?

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by zencat

Another feature is one of disassociation. I can turn my emotions off in an instant. An interesting side note to that is I have almost no startle response. The sad side effect of disassociation has been an ability to be involved in violent assaults or associate with those that are extremely violent. I can switch off at will my conscious and any emotional remorse to violence.

I need to add that my involvement with violence was an effect of my Meth abuse. As someone who is clean now I'm very much a shy person. Meth is a crazy making drug.

I found this article about personality disorders in general. Introduction to Personality Disorders