Relationships and depression/bi-polar

[Lilya]

I´ve been reading, answering and sharing a lot lately on the issue of relationships and thought of starting this thread. I hope we can all help each other on that score. :shades:

When I was diagnosed as bi-polar in 1997, lots of things suddenly made sense. I saw how this disease - not only my alcholism/drugtaking/gambling and then recovery - has destroyed so much in my relationships. I truly belive I acted like a crazy person sometimes until I got the meds.

It seemed that relationships ignited my deep-seated anger towards the men who had hurt me when I was a young girl and I felt an irrational need to punish other men for their abuse.

Now I´m celibate because I´m tackling this very delicate and difficult subject, but it´s just in the beginning stages. I´m observing, going to my groups and therapy in order to get better.

I´m writing a book based on my relationships in order to understand them. It´s a sequel to a book I published in 2001, but I feel I have made progress to tackle the subject differently.

How about you? How do you feel about your relationships when you´re depressed and seeing things bleak - if not black? I haven´t the faintest idea how to react when the depression hits and I would be with an intimate friend.

I guess we all have different ways to respond and could learn from one another. I know this is a very personal subject, however, but share what you like and leave the rest at home.

Use adversity

[2stop]

Good subject Lilya, I react in various ways to my relationships when depressed..sometimes I just don't have any "feelings", other times I feel so alone and fear abandonment at any moment, once in awhile I feel anger and irritated and just avoid everybody which really bothers me because I am usually an outgoing person that truly enjoys making my family comfortable and love to do special things for them....and that dreaded depression that convinces me I do not deserve my family and they would be better off without me and my "garbage' in their life....it's pretty much like a roller coaster ride, sometimes the kiddy one and the ride isn't so bad...and then there is the Texas Giant and that upside down crazy insane rollercoaster that makes me wish I never got on the "ride of relationships".

[ButterflyChaser]

Oh boy...relationships!! One of my favorite subjuects!~ lol
I use to never talk about my feelings & what I really wanted! I've always assumed "they" know how I feel, they can see through me!! Crazy huh?? My biggest fear is REJECTION!! then comes 2nd ABANDOMENT!! I'm stilll learning in my counseling program that I go to on a weekly bases, why I am so co-dependent!! I hate it! I use to come across as the Happy person with NO problems & everythign is going just fine in my life!! But deep down I've been sad, hurt, hurt & hurt again!
I've taken my pain & hurt into new relationships cuz I didn't solve those issues from where it stemmed from, make sense??
In my mind if my relationship isn't working out, I go on a "fixation" rampage!! I obsess with trying to fix it!! and then when the other is co-operating with me, I would go nuts, crazy (but not insane, KWIM) I'd obsess in my mind all about the relationship, I'd get so depressed that I'd be at work, in body but not in mind. I couldn't think of anything else but why he did this to me, why did he do that. why won't he just say sorry to me so i can stop feeling this pain! My world revolved around this!! I'd forget to eat, drink, I'd be dehydrate & starving by the time I got home from work, hope this is making sense...lol
Until my doctor made me go to a dietaian, I weighted 99lbs. I cryed & cryed, (normally I weigh 116 lbs) I didn't want to die! I'm not the suicidal type, at all!!! NO way No how!!!
Now my dietian is fattening me up, I'm up to 106lbs dringking my "resource protien & vitamins" drinks, and boy I'm really starting to feel great!! I'm not so sure now if it The Resource drinks that are making me feel so awsome or if it's my Wellbutrin that I'm taking!! hahahaha!!

But like Tammie...the rollercoaster rides of relationships (nodding my head) I sometimes say..."Hey Mr. I don't like this ride anymore, I want off this awful ride!! lol (saying it in my mind!!

Tammie....WooooooooooooooHooooo the Texas Giant!!!! Look at me Noooooooooooooo Hands!! You've gotta try the new "Batman"" holy moly!! what a rush! lol

I hope I made some sense here, I really don't know where I was going with all this! lol

[ButterflyChaser]

BTW, Lilya?? What's the name of your 1st book? Is it in stores?? This is exciting news to me!! When will your new book be out????

I admire you! Ü

[Lilya]

Butterflychaser,

Have you tried to think about how the relationships affect you and only you? How they make you feel, not the other way around?

Boy, can I relate to what you say. But now I´m out of the game at the moment, and hopefully forever. I´ve had my quota!:p Now I have books. I have been and always will be a fixer, but I don´t fix men anymore. I try to fix myself and it´s hundred times more difficult!

Thank you for your interest in my books. They saved my life, and best of all, they helped some people as well.

My book will be called "The Second Medusa" as it refers to the mysterious and dangerous creature who changed men into stones. In French, it´s a name for a nasty sea creature who stings you. What is the name again?

I already wrote the first novel in my trilogy about rtelationships. It was published in 2001 and called "The Medusa".

Anyway, thanks for your interest. I wish you all the best.

Use adversity

[ButterflyChaser]

That's the co-dependency me, not thinking of ME, trying to please & make everyone else happy before myself. The funny thing is, I never was aware of it, no wonder I was so sad most of the time, cuz I'd do & do &do & just felt totally empty inside, especially when it was "my turn" on reallly needing someone, it was like no one was really around. I allowed myself to get use, althought I was peolpe pleasein' cause I wanted to be liked/loved!!
But today...I stop & take a look at the picture before I go in head 1st, I've realized now that no one is going to take care of me & no one is gonna always be there to catch me when I fall, BUT ME!! I'm taking care of my needs now. <---lol I feel selfish! lol But I shouldn't be!! I'll conquer this co-dependency if it's the last thing i do! lol

BTW Have you hear of Ilyna VanZant? her book..."In the Meantime" is wonderful, it's like my bible or something I carry it with me whereever I go!! Check it out, you'll be so glad that you did!
BYe

[powerpuffgirl]

wow, this is a great topic for me right now. I was married just over 2 weeks ago, and my bipolar has been causing some problems. I am pregnant and had to go off the meds - so I'm on the rollercoaster worse than I've seen it in over 2 years.

i can really identify with that, lilya, about punishing the men I am with for what others have done in the past. I have never looked at it like that and it really helps to.

It is my tendency to try to punish by hurting my self...I used to drink or use at them, or cut and starve myself. "if only he could see what he does to me inside" so I'd try to match it on the outside. i believe those behaviors come more during mania.

Depression in relationships, I begin to feel very insecure because I feel worthless and doubt why he would want me. I sleep so much, and am ashamed of it, and it's harder to hide it when you live wiht someone.

Right now my therapist wants me to bring in my husband so she can explain bipolar to him and we can setup a plan in case I go haywire. I am very afraid, because I did not ever explain what "could happen".

I find that my alcaholism and addiction was very much a symptom of by bi-po, and that working my recovery program honestly helps alot to ease the worst of the ups and downs. I have a hard time remebering taht I can't control my moods - but I'm trying to keep focused on what I can do. In a relationship, especially with someone who is not bipolar and especially not the depressed type, i find myself judging me in relation to how well he handles things, not a person with this disease.

thanks for the thread!
lu