3 yrs sober. Have aspergers. Hate my life.

[bob_sapp]

Long story short, I hate my life today. I think I need help bad for some outside issues, but there's no resources for adults with my condition (asperger syndrome). I can either A) get on a bunch of pills B) see a counselor (again) C) accept my life as it is and hope things improve. No one has any sympathy for me because I don't have a physical disability, and if I try to talk to people they just blame me for my problems. Not that I have anyone to talk to.

[serenityqueen]

I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for you. I have heard of asperger syndrome, but unsure of what it is. Getting a bunch of pills is never the answer to anything.

Judy

[suki44883]

I've heard it's considered a form of autism. I found this on WebMd...

Asperger's Syndrome-Symptoms

[Freedom1990]

I've been in counseling since late 2007 for some outside issues. It's been a big help to me. I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better! :ghug :ghug :ghug

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by serenityqueen

I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for you. I have heard of asperger syndrome, but unsure of what it is.
Judy

Here's what you need to know: It's like I have no social skills whatsoever, to the extreme. That and being a former junkie/alkie is an interesting combination. I just want to make friends and have relationships like other people my age do. That's a big part of why I got sober. My problem is two-fold: I have difficulty making or keeping friends/relationships because I don't drink or do drugs anymore, and because of the aspergers. So even when I meet someone who accepts that I don't party, they push me away because I don't have the social skills to advance a friendship or relationship.

The relationship part is the worst. I have tried to date many times in sobriety, but can't keep a girl for more than a few dates at most. I never tell them about AS, because then they'll just get scared and write me off. That and my past is a lot to deal with. Not that we ever get that far. I have dated a couple girls in AA, which I would not do again.

The only thing that gives me hope in life is that I am sober and can work. I am intelligent and have a university degree, but so far I just get terrible jobs. I'm currently working nightshifts in a liquor store in the "ghetto" part of my town, and am probably going to work drilling rigs this fall. I am used to being alone in life so most days I don't care, but some days I break down inside from the loneliness and frustration. It pisses me off when I see other young people with less sobriety than me say how great life is and having fun with all their non AA friends and having relationships, and I just get desperate sometimes. I got so lonely I did things I never though I would do.

I'll think about finding a new counselor. Maybe he/she can help a little.

[serenityqueen]

Do you go to Meetings Bob?

When I first got in Recovery, I did not have one single friend who didn't get high or drink. I made a lot of friends through AA & NA. With spring here and summer right around the corner, there are going to be a lot of cookouts, softball/baseball games, picnics, . . .all great places to make healthy friendships.

I know you'll post here for a while then we don't hear from you again for some time. Why don't you pop in here more often, let people here get to know you a little bit better. It's not the same as face to face friendships, but it's still having friends who love you for you, care about your Recovery and will always be here for you.

Hugs,
Judy

[bob_sapp]

Yes I go to meetings, I mentioned AA a few times now. I just went to one. It was filled with people twice my age who are proud to a see a young guy sober. That's it.

We don't have a very strong fellowship here. There are not many AA events, just lots of meetings.

The young people I know in AA don't have time for a friendship with me. They won't pick up their cell phone or call me back anymore. They say they are too busy working, and if they're not at meetings they hang out with non-program friends who they still have from high school. We're not even friends anymore. And like I said before, if I talk about my problems in sobriety and not having social success, they just blame it on me and have little or no sympathy. Most of the people in AA who treat me good are either twice (or 3 times) my age, or have only a few months sobriety. They aren't in a position to help me integrate into society.

I hate it but I can't help but have a fatalist perspective on my problems. I see zero change coming in the short term, I will probably be moving permanently for work this fall (and not to a place with a better fellowship if that's what you're wondering) so things will either get better or worse because of the change.

[Freedom1990]

Bob, do you have any good resources on the net you could link me to on Aspberger's so I could read up on it and get a better understanding? I'm willing to go to any lengths to help out a fellow AAer.

:ghug :ghug

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

Bob, do you have any good resources on the net you could link me to on Aspberger's so I could read up on it and get a better understanding? I'm willing to go to any lengths to help out a fellow AAer.

Hey thanks
Wrong Planet - What is Asperger's Syndrome?

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

Hey thanks
Wrong Planet - What is Asperger's Syndrome?

Thanks Bob, I'm heading there now to educate myself! :ghug

[dolce7dolore]

I don't know how much advice I have for you, as I seem to be at the same stages that you are. I've never been addicted to anything (besides my obsessive love for music/playing piano which I've recently taken a step back from, and certain novels/tv shows), but both of my parents are alcoholics. For years I had no reason to explain why I am the way I am, and so I thought at one time I had asperger's, avoidant personality disorder... anything. I know now that I don't. What "condition" I carry is from the way I was raised. However, I can relate a lot to almost everything you've said.

"No one has any sympathy for me because I don't have a physical disability, and if I try to talk to people they just blame me for my problems."

I really feel for you here. Anytime I try to open up to someone (rarely, and mainly only recently after my counselor encouraged me) they pretty much roll their eyes. I never can actually get to the root of my problems because by that point, they've stopped listening. So I never get close to anyone. It truly is a cycle. And people do blame you for it.

You made a comment about older people reaching out to you. It struck me because someone 3 times my age recently told me that from what I had told her, and because of how I'm working on recovery, she thinks I'm lucky and will end up with much more wisdom than most people my age and older. What good is that? All it does is separate me from people MY age.

"I am used to being alone in life so most days I don't care, but some days I break down inside from the loneliness and frustration."

That could have been written by me. I do have acquaintances, I do have the ability to socialize, but for me... it's always an act, and that's what keeps me from real relationships. I don't know how to change that. Most of the time I go through life with distractions, sometimes I feel happy. But at the end of the day, I'm still alone, and that gets me every once and awhile. Like tonight for instance

I don't know though. This is what I have to tell myself. Tonight, before coming onto this message board, I was in a place of despair. However, I told myself that if I can feel this alone, this crazy, this different.... there has to be someone else out there feeling this way too. I can't be THAT different from other people. So I came here and read your post. If nothing else, I know that no matter the differences here and there, I am not alone in these feelings. I hope that can be of some comfort to you too somehow.

[OzSandy]

I don't have the Asperger's type but I also have mild Autism. It can be difficult for a younger person. Fortunately these days I have a circle of friends who are understanding and a support network.

One of the things that I did was get a few hobbies and join a few clubs and social groups related to that interest. It really helped to get me out of my 'shell' a bit and start relating to other people more.

A number of famous identities have had Autism. I was only diagnosed in my late twenties and so I felt as if I grew up with a lot of negative judgement and being misunderstood.

I employ strategies so that I don't get overwhelmed by things around me. I don't throw myself immediately into the deep end, and I try to break things down into manageable tasks and get things done purposefully one step at a time - I like a very ordered routine and environment, it helps me feel safe, more comfortable and grounded, but I try not to get too set and rigid. I've also had treatment and counselling for depression issues. Being Autistic and high functioning can also make you more self-conscious of your condition, but it was twice as bad for me when it wasn't explained.

I don't define myself overall by my condition. I try not to say 'I'm Autistic' but 'I have Autism' whenever possible. There is more to me as a human being.

I have periods with my Autism when I feel more outgoing than at other times. I will struggle with a situation for a long time then all of a sudden I will seem to 'get it' and it becomes easier. But then a few weeks later I might want to go back into the shell for a bit again. Overall though, over time there is gradual improvement - even in ways that I may not be that consciously aware of, at the time. I still get there, it just may take me a bit more time and practice. In many ways I have been a late bloomer. I'm never going to be super outgoing and a social butterfly - I've ditched those expectation - but not all of us need to be and I'm happy with where I'm now at.

Many people experience great improvements in their late twenties - there can be further maturations in the brain with Autism at this life stage. This is what I experienced. I can hardly identify now with the person I was in my teens and early twenties. However, this 'catching up' phase can also be an unsettling, and shaking up period. Sometimes I feel that the confusing adolescent period is extended into our mid twenties for us. Pace yourself and don't judge yourself harshly. Value yourself for who you are. I wish you all the best.