Can you tell someone it's their illness acting up?

[evmdimples]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum, but have been reading if for a while and it's comforting to know i'm not alone. I was involved with someone who is most likely bipolar. A year into the relationship, after thinking I was the one going crazy, I finally figured out there's something going on with her. After lots of research, all the symptoms indicated either bipolar or borderline personality. When I approached her about it, my now (ex)GF said she had been told she might be bipolar (although I don't believe she's ever been treated for it). Because of what was going on with her, I was led to begin my own recovery work (CoDA). For that I'm very grateful. Funny how we are led to do our own work!

My question: does a bipolar person realize how the disease affects them and those around them? Does it ultimately reside in the bipolar to seek out treatment/help? As a codependent in early recovery, the lines are still fuzzy and I'm very conflicted about not being there for her but mostly, that she may not realize it's her illness wreaking havoc in her life and that there are solutions. About 3 mos. ago she quit meds (Lexapro) cold turkey, her anger is constantly flaring, she quit a hi paying job, and now stands to lose everthing (she's already been through that once before-homeless). She's looking for religious salvation (in a highly christian fundamentalist church... she's a lesbian, it's not working!) She's a good person underneath all that stuff (and musically gifted), and I hate to see her going through life like this. Any words of wisdom welcome. I'm considering sending her the bipolar book mentioned in a previous thread. As a friend and someone who still loves and cares about her, is that as much as I can do for her at this stage? TIA. elena

[nandm]

Welcome to SR and our mental health forum.

She is fortunate to have someone who cares about her like you do even if she can not see it right now.

From the perspective of a person with bipolar disease, I can say I was not able to accept the disease for a long time. It took getting sober before I was able to accept that there was something wrong with my perception of the world not within the world itself. I don't know if that makes any sense at all but hope it does. I was actually quite relieved when I was finally honest enough with my doctor (family practice physician) who diagnosed me as possibly bipolar and referred me to a psychiatrist for treatment. Today although it is a struggle right now and periodically I am better knowing about my disease and having the hope that with treatment I might be able to live a somewhat "normal" life.

I don't think the book is expensive so it might be worth the try sending it. The worst thing she could do is be angry at you and throw it away. The best things she could do is be angry at you intially but have the curiosity to pick the book up. If she is truly bipolar she will have no problem relating to the book and probably be relieved to find out there is a solution. That in turn might cause her to be grateful for your help. Either way if you do send the book, I would recommend not sending it with expectations but send it and let it go. Then what happens, happens even if it is nothing.

Take care and keep us posted.

[historyteach]

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself.
And if you decide to send her the book, well, it can't hurt!
Please continue to let us know how you're doing.
We care.

Shalom!

[evmdimples]

Thanks. It's good to get perspective from someone who lives with it. Interestingly, right after I posted I went to my hairdresser and lo and behold: she has two kids with bipolar! It was good to chat with someone who has experience dealing with this. I went ahead and bought the book you recommended and a few others. It'll be good to read up on these things. I'm guessing there's more to this than meets the eye. As I do my own inventory, I realize there have been people with mental illness around me most of my adult life. I don't believe in coincidences and so I have to start questioning my own mental health; I've battled mild depression most of my life. I'll definitely keep you posted on how things develop. I love her, but I also understand that I must take care of me first. I also don't want her to feel abandoned, which I know she does when these things happen. She's trusted me with a lot, maybe she'll continue to trust me. Again thanks for sharing and for your encouragement to "detach in love."
peace and light
elena

[dor5711]

My 18 year old son was diagnosed BP about 5 years ago. He has never accepted it and doesn't believe he needs medication. Now that he is 18, he went off his meds and started self medicating with pot. Two weeks ago, he left the house in anger and has not returned. He stayed with a friend for over a week and is now with his father's parents. The condition for him coming home is that he needs to get treatment. I refuse to live in a prison with his moods all over the place so that that I am afraid to even leave him alone in the house. He wants to get his own apartment but I can't see that as a possibility. He needs treatment desperately but all I can do right now is to keep him in my prayers that God keeps him safe.

Dor

[Isaiah]

I don't have bipolar, but generally it's not a good thing for a person to tell me I'm "acting up."

My two cents.

[NeedingHelp7]

Can you tell someone it's their illness acting up?

I'm not sure about this, but my experience with telling AH this really didn't matter so I stopped doing it. I would point to the ways it was hurting himself and us, and that really didn't matter either.

In some ways I think he felt justified to do whatever he wanted because he is ill.

[Leslie1210]

Hi,'
Kay Redfield Jamison wrote a book called 'the unquiet mind' which is about her bi-polar struggles. She was also gifted as well as alcoholic. it's an excellent book. Perhaps a seed ..you could plant.
best regards,
Leslie