Am I not meant to understand human psychology?

[Paulos]

I think I had a lot of people upset with me last night for an unknown reason, I wonder if I'm not meant to understand psychology or something... I say nice things they say I'm saying bad things, I don't get it. Hope I'm not making people dislike me, I would never want people to not like me.

[historyteach]

Paulos,
I've been to your meetings, and they've been very well run.
I'm sorry I wasn't there last night, but, I can tell you this.

Some people believe that all of the meetings are 12 step meetings.
Yours are not, and you've made that clear.
But, that *may* bother some of the members or some may still be unaware.
That is *not* your fault at all.

Sometimes, too,
Especially in early recovery,
People are angry or irritable.
Again, it has nothing to do with you.
It's on them
And it's a sign of their lack of serenity
And their lack of recovery.

Also,
some people are just plain ole mean.
Or control freaks who want things their own way.
Or they may just be jerks, whether they are drunk or sober.

Please do not take the burden of another's bad behavior onto yourself, Paul.
Continue to do the great service work you do for us, here at SR.
We appreciate it.

And, if some people do not like your meetings,
They do not have to go to them.
We've had LOTS of feedback from the membership
Talking about how much they enjoy and appreciate your meetings.

So, keep up the great work, Paul!
And THANK YOU for your service to the members of SR!

Shalom!

[yeahgr8]

**** them! When is your next meeting? I wanna come!!!

[greeteachday]

Paulos, One of the more difficult concepts for me to grasp and work on, but the one that has made so much difference in a very good way, is the realization that everyone is at a different place in the life journey. So the perspectives they have are based on where they are at, not where I am at. They may have to travel many more miles to get to a place of understanding and acceptance and serenity. In the mean time, they are still carrying around a 200 pound bag of rocks filled with all the resentments and anger and negativity. Every once in awhile they try to take out one of those rocks, and instead of looking at them and placing them gently by the side of the road and walking away, they hurl the rock at me to try to make me as miserible as they are. I don't have to be hit by those rocks and be hurt...I can move, I can dodge them and then walk away and continue my journey to a very positive place.

Don't let their rock hurling hurt you, Paulos. For every person that may throw a rock, there are 20 or 30 or 100 or 1,000,000 people walking with you and helping you to dodge those rocks. You are in a better place than the angry, drama-crazy, negative people are and you are sharing your journey with us. Thanks for doing that and for your service and commitment.

[Morning Glory]

I sent an email to the owners and asked them to make some changes in the chat room that might help. I asked them to make the entrance to chat an Open chat room and asked that the meeting room be a side room. I also asked them to create some kind of Serious Discussion room so members know not to enter and disrupt the discussion.

I think that will help with some of the problems.

What I also see is a real lack of communication skills with members in chat that is causing a lot of problems. It's always best to be polite and take the time to explain things or be polite and ask if there is a problem. No one can listen when they have to defend themselves when insults are being hurled at each other.

If someone is polite and offers suggestions that is the time to listen and try to see their side of things. That is not the time to be defensive. Compromise is the key. Members involved in a conflict should not try to win. Members involved should try to be a part of the solution that makes the chat room a safe place for all.

I learned a long time ago that 50% of people will like me and 50% will not like me. The same goes for who I might like or dislike. I can still practice being a part of the solution and not a part of the problem when I am around someone I may not like. This works a lot better for me than carrying resentments and it takes compromise on my part and trying to see how another person might be feeling even if I don't agree with their opinion.

It's really hard at times when my emotions are involved, but I still try to practice and I try to step away when I am triggered and give myself time to calm down before I explode.

Everyone is important and we learn tolerance for each other as we grow in recovery.

[Done_With_It]

Paulos if you feel like you need or want more support in any of your meeting don't forget you can always let Rowan or I know and if we can we will be there.

Not much to add to what the others have said besides that. I think you rock! : ]

[Paulos]

Wow, thank you all for your compliments/comments, I really appreciate it, because those people were making me think I did wrong... it was horrific and horrendous... I mean I just took on the Saturday Meetings *if it's okay with Rowan/MG* so it's a sure thing that there will always be a meeting every night *That's 5 a night for me* and they're acting like that's a bad thing? ... weird >_<. Yeah to me updating the chat may always be a good idea... along with sticky posts on the message board to remind people what chats are on and such... o_O

[chris1959]

I am new to SR, however I am not new to attending meetings. Whether it is a meeting of AA/NA, a town meeting, a meeting at work or at the local golf club. There are curtain things in common with all of them. One is leaders lead and speakers speak. Another is when an individual has the floor, the individual has the floor.

When I go to a meeting concerning recovery I do not share to get feedback. When I hear other people share I don't rescue, I don't advise and I don't comment at all, other than to say thank you. Whether these are online meetings or f2f. I know from experience that most people when sharing at a meeting don't want advise or feedback. Commenting on what someone else is sharing is called "cross talking" it's rude, it disrupts the serenity of the meeting, and it is counterproductive. When I lead a meeting one of the first things I say is no cross talking.
I seldom see people at meetings who are in a position to give advise and those that might be, don't! Cross talk is for Dennys.

I spend a pretty good amount of time in the chat room and out here reading and replying to posts. There is alot of good stuff going on, alot of sharing and caring.

I don't push or try to promote things I do to stay clean and sober. I share what has and has not worked for me. I don't have to debate doctrine.
I just continue to do what works. The one thing you will never hear me say is I got it.

I seldom get upset anymore. I surly don't get upset in chat rooms. I will speak up when it comes to peoples lives and I believe that is what soberRecovery is all about is it not, our very lives?
I don't come here because it's playtime. This is not a video game. I come here to share in the fellowship of recovery.

[Paulos]

Thanks for participating Chris I sure hope you'll give it your all at my meetings in that case ;D

[Morning Glory]

I know there is no cross talk in 12 step meetings, but there are meetings like LifeRing that do allow cross talk.

Paulos I think chris1959 is giving a polite suggestion that he prefers meetings without cross talk. That would mean the host of the chat meeting just says "Thank you" after each share and moves on to the next person. There may be others in the meeting who feel the same way and it may be something to consider. Some members aren't comfortable having someone comment after they share.

[Done_With_It]

Originally Posted by Morning Glory

I know there is no cross talk in 12 step meetings, but there are meetings like LifeRing that do allow cross talk.

I know from experience that most people when sharing at a meeting don't want advise or feedback. Commenting on what someone else is sharing is called "cross talking" it's rude, it disrupts the serenity of the meeting, and it is counterproductive. When I lead a meeting one of the first things I say is no cross talking.
I seldom see people at meetings who are in a position to give advise and those that might be, don't! Cross talk is for Dennys.

Same thing in the Smart Meetings I have been too, Cross talk is allowed.

[historyteach]

Diversity is such a wonderful thing.
And that's why it's important for people to realize that Paul's meetings are *not* 12 Step meetings. With that knowledge, the likelihood of misunderstandings is lessened.

Shalom!

[chris1959]

I smile peacefully as I read these posts and realize this discussion would not be civil or even happening if we were all using and drinking.

One of the things I know for me that works is remembering that I don't know everything.
Like what is a smart meeting ? I was trying to take a stab at it; lets see...ah
S ecular -
M eetings -
A re -
R ecovery -
T oo - ??

Enlighten me please. (No intent to offend)

Have an "inneresting" week; and Paul, the meeting went famously thanks

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by historyteach

Some people believe that all of the meetings are 12 step meetings.
Yours are not, and you've made that clear.
But, that *may* bother some of the members or some may still be unaware.
That is *not* your fault at all.

I would like to attend this meeting if it is at all possible. I don't type all the well under limited time constraints such as chat. I'll look around here at SR and see in my attendance is welcome.

[Morning Glory]

I smile peacefully as I read these posts and realize this discussion would not be civil or even happening if we were all using and drinking.

One of the things I know for me that works is remembering that I don't know everything.
Like what is a smart meeting ? I was trying to take a stab at it; lets see...ah
S ecular -
M eetings -
A re -
R ecovery -
T oo - ??

Enlighten me please. (No intent to offend)

Self-Management And Recovery Training

SMART Recovery® | Help with Alcohol, Drug, and Other Addictions

[Done_With_It]

Originally Posted by chris1959

I smile peacefully as I read these posts and realize this discussion would not be civil or even happening if we were all using and drinking.

One of the things I know for me that works is remembering that I don't know everything.
Like what is a smart meeting ? I was trying to take a stab at it; lets see...ah
S ecular -
M eetings -
A re -
R ecovery -
T oo - ??

Enlighten me please. (No intent to offend)

Have an "inneresting" week; and Paul, the meeting went famously thanks

I don't do too much with AA/NA but I have gone to enough meetings over the years to know the format to understand them, the first few times I went to a smart one I felt dizzy. Sometimes I like them and sometimes they are too much for me, but I know for most 12 steppers they get thrown off.



:ghug

[historyteach]

Originally Posted by zencat

I would like to attend this meeting if it is at all possible. I don't type all the well under limited time constraints such as chat. I'll look around here at SR and see in my attendance is welcome.

zencat,
You are more than welcome at the meetings.
Please see this link for a list of times and days:
Chat Meetings - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Shalom!