My depression is getting ridiculous

[steamvessel]

OK, now I am getting mad. I just can't take it anymore, it seems that I am just destined to not be happy. If I let things lie as they lie, the world just seems to prefer to throw me in a ditch somewhere and say good enough. We'll go ahead and ignore you like always, and everybody else can go around happy and getting the necessary love and attention they deserve.

I am so angry and tired. There just doesn't seem to be any way out of this, it's like I am walking on a tight rope. I've been sick this last week, this is of course means spending a lot of time sleeping and not feeling productive, just enough of the kind of thing to kick my depression into full gear, and to start to hear all of the voices around me about how worthless I am.

Not meaning to complain, but I can't veil my real feelings anymore. I am just tired of not looking forward to anything. I am living in this beatiful lodge with my brother, where I don't have to pay rent and don't have any obligatons, and I seem as miserable as ever.

[suki44883]

Are you on any meds?

[steamvessel]

Originally Posted by suki44883

Are you on any meds?

No, no health insurance. I am going on a road trip next week, when I get back I am finally going to research how to get some help with counceling and medication even though I don't have health insurance. I have been putting this off.

[suki44883]

There are ways. I don't know how it works in Oregon, but here in Texas, we have MHMR (Mental Health/Mental Retardation), which can supply a pdoc and all of your meds for little or nothing. My daughter uses them. She also filed for SSI (Social Security Insurance) because she can't work. That gives her medicaid, which will also pay for meds along with therapy, doctor visits, and even inpatient help, if she needs it.

[steamvessel]

Originally Posted by suki44883

There are ways. I don't know how it works in Oregon, but here in Texas, we have MHMR (Mental Health/Mental Retardation), which can supply a pdoc and all of your meds for little or nothing. My daughter uses them. She also filed for SSI (Social Security Insurance) because she can't work. That gives her medicaid, which will also pay for meds along with therapy, doctor visits, and even inpatient help, if she needs it.

I'll look into this in Oregon. I've built up too much of a resistance for too long, I really feel like I need to get some clinical help. Thanks for the advice.

[mattcake79]

I can really relate to feeling that way, SV. Getting help for my depression and anxiety problems, and committing myself to ongoing therapy was one of the best decisions I ever made. I felt a huge relief when I admitted to myself that I needed help, and went out and got it. This was ten years ago, I've recently realized that I might need some further fine tuning The depression is showing up again, but my anxiety is no longer an issue. Let me know if you want to talk about this some more Good luck!

[mamabin]

I can relate as well. And I know that when you're down, it's hard to pick up the phone and make the calls to help yourself. I know how much energy things take when you're down. And I know that sometimes, the harder you try to pull yourself out, the deeper down you go. It's a horrible place to be. And it hurts like hell, at least for me. I see everything in shades of gray.

I hope you get the help you need, I can't say enough about the meds I've been on, even through the bad side effects I've had with some. I truely believed they have saved my life. Maybe that will be the case with you.

I hated hearing that I was just having a bad day, I just needed to smile or go for a walk.

I hope things get better for you. I know about the tight rope and feeling like you're hanging by a thread.

This is how things often feel for me


I'm sorry you're feeling so down and I hope things turn around for you soon.

[LaDita]

OMG Steam! I'm so happy to see you! I've been wondering about you!
I'm so sorry you've been really down lately, so have I, hence the new avatar.
Until you figure out a longer term solution, I highly suggest the following:

Watching comedies

Eating comfort food

Long walks

Turning off the cell-phone/computer

Letting it be known near you how you feel and how they can help,
i.e. "I need your support", "I need to be left alone".

Silly as it sounds: hanging out with babies, children and/or small animals or looking at pictures of them does wonders for the mood.
It raises oxytocin levels in your brain and really helps put things into perspective. Sometimes when I'm down I look at pet adoption sites,
It's really great, cheap "therapy". Hope that didn't sound too cheesy.

Take care and keep us posted!

[maripoppins]

Ok, not sure what I'm doing right now, if I am answering the above thread or what. I have never been on a website like this one before and joined because I am hoping to get the courage to get some help (again) for my depression. I have gotten good at hiding it, dealing outwardly, but inside I still envy my mom, (she died three years ago). Not that I would ever do anything to harm myself, but I sure wish sometimes I didn't have to get out of bed to deal with all of the crap. And I don't even have much to deal with compared to some people. That is why I hesitate to ask for help. What do I have to complain about?? I have a job, a great husband, we have a nice house (although I hate to clean and it is always a mess) and I have 2 great dogs, enough money so I can do some things if I wanted, but I just don't have the energy or desire to get out and do anything. I want to take naps all the time and then I feel anxious and want to buy a bottle of wine to "take the edge off" and then I end up waking up in the middle of the night and can't sleep and that makes me more tired the next day and on and on. I have stopped buying the wine at least for a few days.

Any ways, if this is somehow in the wrong place, let me know and I will try to post where I am supposed to. The whole thing just isn't making any sense to me.
thanks for listening.

[Jrock75]

Welcome to the SR forums mari ! You might wanna start your own thread in the Newcomers Board, but you definatly found the right place. Lots of good people who can relate/help through the hard times.

[Bamboozle]

Hello, mari. Welcome to SR and thanks for reaching out. Jrock has a good suggestion...you can start a new thread in the Newcomers section and get more visibility. Post as much as you like. I see what you are saying about not having a reason to complain...my circumstances are a little different but the basics are the same. I know that I cannot help what's going on in my mind, no matter how hard I try to change things. Anxiety, depression, and addiction really sucks. Keep participating.


Hello, steam. I disappeared from SR for a little bit. How are you doing?

I do not have health insurance and I am currently seeking help for my physical and mental problems. I'm not rich and I don't have any money saved up. I work at a fast food restaurant and I live with my parents. I’m receiving charity care from one hospital for a few months and I’m paying out of pocket at another (and they give me a self-payer discount…plus, I can send in as much money as I want to a month).

I am also paying out of pocket to a therapist. I don’t get a discount, but my sessions are $65 U.S. dollars each. Not too bad…I can deal with that.

Do some searching and asking a lot of questions. Check out state assistance options…and sometimes private hospitals offer charity or discounts. The worst they can tell you is “no”. And these places don’t advertise. You have to ask.

Best of luck to you, steam. And if you are worried about the price of meds, get the generic when you can. Wal-mart has a lot for $4...and Rite Aid should match their prices. I hope this helps. Maybe you’re already taking care of this. I wish you well.

[NewLeaf]

Originally Posted by steamvessel

No, no health insurance. I am going on a road trip next week, when I get back I am finally going to research how to get some help with counceling and medication even though I don't have health insurance. I have been putting this off.

Some doctors might have fees based on a sliding scale according to what you can afford. At least that's what I've found here in southeastern PA. It never hurts to ask!

Good luck (((SV))).

Liz

[Toomutch]

Sorry you are so down SV... Depression is so hard to live with and I hope you can find a way to see a doctor and get medicated, if thats what you need. How long have you dealt with depression?

[Freedom1990]

I clearly remember giving you this link several months ago for free meds. I can't do it for you:
http://www.pparx.org

If you're not willing to make the effort, how do you expect your depression to improve?

[sarahmills]

If getting medical help is the best move for you to make, then I guess it's time for you to do that. Just keep in mind that there is always hope in everything. Be positive in everything you do and never give up.

[Bamboozle]

Is steam still around?