Suicidal-Read This First

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.


Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.



When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.


1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.



Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

Now: I’d like you to call someone.

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

[sndbtwnmi2z]

Thanks

I needed that

bad day(s)

[LucieCola]

Wow, thank you, I hadn't thought of killing myself yet (again) but I was heading down that road with my thoughts, which is why I'm reading this post. It helped a lot. Thank you for sharing that.

[Chy]

Wow MG... Never saw this.. good stuff for those in need. Think it should be a power post somewhere or is it?!

[dotcom]

hello, this post brought up old feelings for me. i thought that i was over feeling suicidal, but when i saw this post, i had a strong urge to read it. and as i was reading it, i felt so much relief. maybe because im acknowledging my feelings again and not putting them back in the closet so to speak. i feel a loss of not being in my old environment, whereas in the past i felt this way because i was in that environment. i should be aok though, i have a good sponsor and a therapist. so yeah, i think this was a really great thread!!!

[KcCrystal]

Someone who cares about me, sent me that in an e-mail. As I attempted to end my life Sunday night. But I'm still here, and hopefully things will get better soon. The Hollidays always bring me down

[ASpouse]

I am glad you decided to visit Crystal. I hope through these people you find the support, hope, love and most of all strength to get you through.

[tootiredmom]

thank you for posting this. My sister-in-law shot herself and that was almost 10 years ago now and I still am haunted by it. I have had my ups and downs and this past weekend took a step towards hurting myself. You have just earned a bookmark in my computer favorites. You probalby have no idea how many lives you have saved. Thank you again.

We are all here for you tootiredmom.

I'm a tired mom too. It does get better.

Hugs,
MG

[glow]

:cries2: I really needed that and you said it so good! Really bad day for me and my son! God Bless You HUgs!!!!!!

We're all here glow and understand.
Just keep moving through.
It does get better.

Hugs,
MG

[tanyalove]

Thank you! I recentlly (4mnths ago) tried to end my life by cutting my wrist. I've had suicidal thoughts for many years, but didn't think I'd act on them, but I did. I scared me so much that I checked into a rehab for a couple of weeks. I didn't have the suicidal thoughts for a while after, however they seem to be creeping up on me. It's wonderful to have people who care enough to write and share what you did. I will be revisiting this message frequently. Thanks again Tanya

[serenity777]

hi all,
i'm glad this post came to the top....suicidal thoughts...entered my mind....! if you read my other post you understand why....(trial is coming up against my ex who hurt my 2 children) this trial, situation...triggers all kinds of memories, pain, and confusion. One thing i've learned about my feelings of ending it....are depression...and depression comes from self hatred. And although i've come a long way...(learning to love and take care of me) some things in my past still seem to trigger unforgiveness towards myself.....like why did i stay with the abusers...i have had 2 abusive husbands......so, im on my way to a meeting....hanging on for the moment....or asking God to show me how to let go of it all......................bye for now

[2stop]

((((((((((((((((Serenity777))))))))))))))))))))

Lots of supportive hugs and prayers coming your way..hang in there.

[ludicrous]

I've been fighting bi-polar with suicidal tendencies for 15 years. Doesn't seem to be getting better. Even quit drinking 5 1/2 months ago. I could put a bottle to my head now. You're right, the pain has become more than I can bear. Thanks for the input it's nicely done.

[MootPoint]

I'm going to ask a silly question..... are you seeing a pdoc, are you seeing a therapist? If you are seeing a doc, have you been tried on all the meds out there?

Re your quitting alcohol...... are you going to AA? It helps. Congradulations on your 5 1/2 months!

[ludicrous]

the first doc had me on so many drugs I attempted suicide twice. he then put me in the hospital where i was being treated for crack withdrawal -- I have never touched crack! so i walked out of the hospital. the next doc cancelled my services without notice (in violation of legal requirements) after he bought into the insurance company to insure that he got all of the business (i wanted to see someone else that offered a better program for my wife and i. I haven't seen anyone since. I have been trying religion lately but mostly i just continue to live to die.

i went to AA years ago for one meeting. If i was a drug dealer i could have made a lot of money (most people are there because of an alcoholic judge) while i died from second hand smoke. My church annouced it was going to hold aa meetings last month. so i went only to be told it was for al-anon and it wasn't for me. I have talked to the new preacher and he is quite nice and very sharp. The previous preacher (who says he helped counsel gangs in NY) said he wasn't there for people like me.

Hence, you can see, I don't trust anyone anymore. this commercialized world is only there for those with the money.