Please Help: Bipolar Issues

[scott]

I have gotten a lot of help from those on this site like HistoryTeach and others that I can't remember their screen names right now. Anyways, I was diagnosed Bipolar NOS in December. I had used opioids for about a year and a half self medicating for hallucinations, mood swings, and debilitating depressions that I was experiencing and have had since I was about 18 or 19. Since getting clean last September and relapsing once in December which put me in the psychiatric ward with suicidal ideations, I have had more problems. The doctors I have seen have been great and horrible to me. The first ARNP I saw put me on Invega which seemed to "level me out" if that makes sense to some. Then I transferred to a psychiatrist who immediatley put me suboxone after I had already been clean for cravings. I told them that the cravings were due to anxiety that the only way I can explain it to people is that it makes me think about suicide. They put me on antidepressants then, prozac. Prozac actually made the anxiety and suicidal ideations worse. They immediately took me off of it. I told them about my agitation and trouble in school and they told me I had ADHD and tried strattera and wellbutrin. I'm currently taking 300mg wellbutrin xl with nothing better. I still have anxiety and hallucinations sometimes and the doctor is pretty much sitting on his hands. I was almost begging for something for the anxiety at my last appointment where I told him about the hallucinations that I'm having where I think this thing, I don't know how else to describe it comes after me in my own house. I see him and he kind of looks like the aliens on the movie signs except he has no face. I see him and it brings me extreme anxiety and paralyzing fear. There's another man that I often see sometimes lying in bed next to me or in my bedroom with me. He brings me pleasant feelings, almost a warmness or "high" that comes over me when he is close to me. I've told my parents about this and my psychiatrist but he is doing nothing so I think I'm going to fire him. He hurries me in and out of his office and doesn't listen to me. He is just there to manage medication as far as I'm concerned and does a terrible job of it.

I guess I'm just reaching out to some other BP'ers who may have some experience with stuff like this and what to do or what medications worked for them. I'm just kind of scared I'm losing my mind when I feel like this. I visit moodtracker.com everyday and according to my patterns of swings I'm in depression right now but am still having those hallucinations 1-2 times per week. I know it's not healthy and this anxiety feels like it is taking my life away. This is when I used to use oxycontin to make these thoughts and anxiety go away but now I know that is absolutely NOT an option for me and am looking for help in other ways. I am also a very spiritual person, but reading my bible and praying does not seem to be helping me at all right now.

What would you do?

[mle-sober]

Hi Sschriever,

Cute avatar!

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time of it. I know how horrible it can be to be mentally ill and have doctors that don't seem to hear you or medications that don't seem to work. I back you up 100% that if you dr is hustling you in and out and not addressing your concerns, you should find another dr.

I took 18 different psych meds before I found the right ones. And the whole time, they were the obvious choice. I don't know why drs didn't prescribe them for me earlier. I guess because they never diagnosed me right - that would explain it! lol

I'm Bipolar I. Lithium works for me. I also take Seroquel and Depokote. They all seem to play a role in keeping me stable. But Lithium was key and stopped my downward spiral. I love Lithium. Have you ever tried it?

Obviously, this is just my own experience and not medical advice. Good luck!

[jurneyman]

Hi SS I was one of thread members you had sent a PM to. What I said to you then was that beside the 300mg Wellbutrin xl that I am also taking, I have been taking 200mg of
Lamictal, that seems to have helped somewhat with my depression without increasing my anxiety, it was basically designed to help with depression without triggering manic episodes in BP's. The only hallucinations that I have personally experienced were auditory.So I am not able to help you there.
If I was experiencing what you are describing, I would get a complete mental evaluation. There might be more to what you are trying to deal with besides BP. I wish you good luck.

[scott]

i stopped taking the wellbutrin cause i thought it was contributing to manic episodes and would stop the hallucinations but so far nothing. I am taking 9mg of Invega daily but really doesn't seem to control my symptoms I think. The doctor says it is though so whatever. The doctor and my mother are making me wonder if the symptoms are just in my head or if they're real. I guess I'm just really tired of trying to find what works when oxycontin worked so well. My quality of life has gone down even from abusing drugs. During the abuse, my quality of life was better than it is now so I don't know if that's saying something or what. The suboxone is not even controlling the cravings for drugs now, they seemed to have peeked their head out here in the past few days. I'm wondering if I'm just trying to doctor myself or if I'm just trying to tell others what I think I need. I guess I'm just really mixed up right now and don't know what to do again. This happens every once in a while and I really don't know how to handle it. Maybe it's fear. All I do recognize is that I'm in dangerous territory right now. Gonna go call the doctor and see what he says.

[Toomutch]

Hi SS - I am Bipolar as well and on a wide variety of meds. I often times see 2 different ghosts in my house. ( Not the sheet over the head type) but more like human shaped forms. One is very tall like a large man and the other is small like a child. Nobody else in my house sees them except my puppy does stare down the hallway and bark sometimes.
I often times wonder if I am hallucinating, or maybe I do have ghosts.

I think id I were to see what you are describing, I would be running for the door...
Talk more to your doctor and if he or she wont listen, find a new one. JMO

[scott]

Thanks guys! Doc recommended stopping Wellbutrin and so far that seems to have been the culprit. Wish I could handle meds like other people can but I seem to have a problem with just about every antidepressant I've tried.

[mle-sober]

I'm not a doc but I don't understand why docs would keep trying Wellbutrin or an other standard antipepressant for someone who is bipolar. Wellbutrin slammed me into severe mania almost immediately.