BiPolar Feelings In First Year...

[geekorunique]

I was talking to my group members last night and they said that in their first year of recovery they experienced severe highs and lows and often thought that they may be bipolar. It's got me thinking about a lot of things and I'm not looking for medical advice as I know I'll get that from my psychiatrist but I just wondered if anyone else felt like that as well?

I was told that there's good and bad new about AA. The good news is you get your emotions back and the bad news is that you get your emotions back! I've been doing a lot of searching in my head though and I think I have always been one extreme or another. Periods of low moods would last for days and days and when you're twelve years old and your aunt has just died and you are in a strange country I think there was a reason for it. But when you're using solvents and painkillers and razors to solve those problems I think that has to be a sign of something that is wrong?

Really just wanted the support of my fellow SRers lol. I think I will go on the tablets for a while at least. Or I should probably hand it over and wait for a sign!

[bovinePieBear]

Well, at least emotional highs and lows aren't the same as bipolar highs and lows. If you keep to your care regime (assuming you have bipolar?), you are at least giving yourself a very good chance of preventing any emotional issues triggering a bipolar episode.

[historyteach]

Bipolar disorder is not easily diagnosed. And it's not something that your group members can diagnose. Only a good psychiatriast with lots of time can do so. It really is a complicated issue.

The first time sober is overwhelming for many. Please don't mistake the emotional turmoil that may come from new sobriety with a mental illness that is indeginous. Let your doctor and you work together to determine what is what for you medically. And let your group members help you through your step program. The two can compliment each other. But, they cannot replace each other.

Shalom!

[mle-sober]

Hi Geekorunique,

The further away I got from SOBER DAY 1, the closer I got to serenity.

Prior to finally "getting it" and getting myself into treatment and abstaining from alcohol, my life was filled with chaos. Dramatic mood swings up and down up and down all day long.

Then, as I moved from abstaining, to sobriety, to recovery - my mood swings weakened. They were very scary though because I was sober and experiencing them. As I healed more, I was able to experience my emotions with less fear. Now, one of the things I know for sure is that my emotions will not hurt me. I had to learn that. But now I really know it. My emotions, even though they are strong and volatile sometimes, are like waves, coming and going. And they may appear frightening. But I am no longer that little girl like you talked about - slave to pain and using alcohol and razors to try to respond to my fears and pain.

So, I guess my answer to you is YES - the first year, I experienced waves - highs and lows - of emotions. And I had to learn to ride them out, to shelter myself, to listen to what they were telling me and where they were leading me. And now, just a little over a year sober, I find myself on pretty stable ground.

I am Bipolar. The emotions I've experienced over the first year have sometimes exacerbated my bipolar and triggered a mania or a depression. But the manias and depressions are very distinct for me, from the ups and downs of emotions. That's another whole subject. But I'll just say that they are different for me. I can tell the difference now that I'm sober.

I'm glad you're here and sober and working on you. The first year for me has been an incredible blessing. I hope you are feeling that too.

[Serenity Bound]

Originally Posted by mle-sober

Hi Geekorunique,

The further away I got from SOBER DAY 1, the closer I got to serenity.

Prior to finally "getting it" and getting myself into treatment and abstaining from alcohol, my life was filled with chaos. Dramatic mood swings up and down up and down all day long.

Then, as I moved from abstaining, to sobriety, to recovery - my mood swings weakened. They were very scary though because I was sober and experiencing them. As I healed more, I was able to experience my emotions with less fear. Now, one of the things I know for sure is that my emotions will not hurt me. I had to learn that. But now I really know it. My emotions, even though they are strong and volatile sometimes, are like waves, coming and going. And they may appear frightening. But I am no longer that little girl like you talked about - slave to pain and using alcohol and razors to try to respond to my fears and pain.

So, I guess my answer to you is YES - the first year, I experienced waves - highs and lows - of emotions. And I had to learn to ride them out, to shelter myself, to listen to what they were telling me and where they were leading me. And now, just a little over a year sober, I find myself on pretty stable ground.

I am Bipolar. The emotions I've experienced over the first year have sometimes exacerbated my bipolar and triggered a mania or a depression. But the manias and depressions are very distinct for me, from the ups and downs of emotions. That's another whole subject. But I'll just say that they are different for me. I can tell the difference now that I'm sober.

Just happened onto this thread. My daughter is bi-polar, she is 90+ days clean & sober, the last several weeks, I have noticed increased depression and that "I just want to die attitude" Did you feel that in the beginning of your recovery, that your bi-polar depressed state was more evident?

I believe that there are several factors working on her, but that's a whole different story.

[mle-sober]

Originally Posted by Serenity Bound

Just happened onto this thread. My daughter is bi-polar, she is 90+ days clean & sober, the last several weeks, I have noticed increased depression and that "I just want to die attitude" Did you feel that in the beginning of your recovery, that your bi-polar depressed state was more evident?

I believe that there are several factors working on her, but that's a whole different story.

Not really. But everyone is different. The beginning of sobriety was very emotional for me. But I wouldn't say it was depression per se. More mixed and just very, very volatile.

I hope your daughter is seeing a doctor. When I'm saying "I just want to die" I need a change in my meds. It's not a tolerable place to be. Even if I'm sober. I hope things calm down for you and your daughter. It took me a long time to get diagnosed correctly and medicated appropriately. It's so hard when you are going through all that. Just keep working with her doctors until you find a balance. Good for her for being clean and sober!!

[Serenity Bound]

mle, thank you for your insight. Perhaps it is the emotional struggle she is going thru that I saw as depression. She does see her doc & she is on meds, however her H told her she couldn't get prescription filled because they had no $, so she's been taking less than what she was supposed to take. My concern of course is if she decides to use to self-medicate. I just hope her HP guides her to do the next right thing.

[mle-sober]

SerenityBound,

She should tell her doc that she doesn't have money for the meds. There are some programs. Taking her meds can be a matter of life and death. For me, my meds are not a flexible budget issue. Good luck!