Money management when you´re depressed

[Lilya]

I´m just back to Paris and dealing with money management. This is why I wanted to start this thread to get support, and share with others good advice about money management. I truly hope we can help each other.

When I get depressed I tend to overspend in order to buy love from the world denied from me. I tend to be scared of money and sometimes I freeze up. I cannot make a decision that works for me and I tend to be unclear about how much money I need and why I spend it on silly things. I find depression clouds my judgement seriously.

I have some money now, but I don´t know what to do with it. Do I spend it all on my back taxes or do I try to be nice to myself and give myself a break? I have too many alternatives and it makes me lightheaded. I feel now is the time to make good changes and be ceative about money. It´s just that I´m so scared.

I hope you can relate,

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[Juls]

Well Lilya,

I don't know if I'm qualified to give anyone advice on what to do with their money, since I haven't done too well with my own. I don't know how taxes work in Paris, but if I owed back taxes and had some money, paying them off would be the first thing since here you can get assessed big fines for owing.

Good thread. Maybe we can help each other, I know I could use it.

Juls

[Caveman]

This is a good topic for me.

Money causes me alot of anexity. In fact, my wife and I decided to downsize inorder to start saving real money. To that end we sold our house and bought a less expensive one.

For me I need about six months of living expenses in a savings account. This is just incase my wife or I lose our job. We have also worked to have as little debt, (outside of our mortgage) as we can. Cars are financed over as short a period of time as possible, never more than three years. The harley is paid for.

We have no revolving credit card debit. Each month the credit card bills are paid off. This forces us to watch our spending.

We have savings account that we contribute to BEFORE anything else.

For those of us with depression, i think it is very wise to become savers not spenders.

[Juls]

Caveman,

One thing I am bad about is that I go on these spending sprees. Buying things makes me feel better, but I really have to work on doing something else. I have brough so much debt on myself because of this, it is really bad news.

I am going to make this another sticky post, so it will stay at the top.

Juls

[Mamabear]

Lilya,

I'm really happy you started this thread. Our son has major problems managing money and gambling w/ money. This bipolar diagnosis has so many faces. I will read and pay attention.
How is your father doing? How are you doing with him?
Mamabear

[Lilya]

Mamabear, thanks for asking about my father.

We are suffering very much from the heatwave in Europe and thousands of people are dead in Paris. The heat got down a bit so I can function again. One of my nieces got really sick and was hospitalized.

My father seems to go on, but he is deteriorating slowly. A major break for me is that my mother accepted to take him home on weekends when he is able to, with army of nurses and a hospital bed. I cannot tell you how happy I was.

I decided to make deals with the tax. You can do that in Europe, so I´m paying what I can towards my back taxes. I also opened an account with interests and that is for paying down an overdraft. I put a sum of money every month on that account and when it hits 500 Euros I put it towards my overdraft.

I write down everything I spend and every week I calculate my spending. This stops me from spending more.

Then I have a special account for travelings and a certain amount of money goes there. This helps me to keep my spending down and PAY MYSELF FIRST. My motto from DA in Paris. I go to meetings regularily and if I´m scared about something or need to spend, I call a friend from DA. We discuss if I really need it and usually I don´t need to. It´s just the old compulsion fromn my gambling days.

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[Lilya]

I forgot to mention I´m an ex-gambler! Try contacting GAnon, the fellowship of loved ones of gamblers.

Your son is still so young, I´m sure you can teach him some money mangement. At least contact someone who knows the ropes. GA is a great fellowship and you are tought how to manage money and keep the gambling urge down. I have a good feeling about this.

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[Mamabear]

Dear Lilya,

thank you for the Ga and Ganon advice. I never thought they might teach about spending money and managing money. I will mention it to our son. If it continues, I'll consider anon as well. Right now alanon and a private therapist are enough for me. My husband and I gave our son a specific amount for school. The rest he must come up with. I'm hoping establishing clear limits will be helpful.

I am so sorry about the lost lives in Paris. Our papers reported on it for a few days in a row. I prayed for you and yours when I saw the front page pictures.
Interesting the connections on these boards....
Hopefully the heat will break very soon.


~fondly,
Mamabear

[Lilya]

Dear Mamabear,

Best of luck to you and your family.

I want to share with you what my first sponsor in GA did when I started the program. I was a very confused young woman, hooked on the roulette and working the casinos almost every night. He used tough love, so most of his advice hurt like hell. I hated him because he saw right through me.s

His philosophy was simplicity, and he told me to take a certain amount of money to put in my purse for each week. If I would blow it on a bet, I was on my own. He asked me to make a priority list for him. I did and he told me it was crap, then showed me why. "The solution is in you and, only if you stop gambling the money will take care of itself" was his motto. He was a firm believer in positive thinking and hard work.

I owe that man my life and I send him French cheese every Christmans.

Be firm on letting your son provide for himself if he blows his allowance.

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[Mamabear]

Thank you Lilya,

That is so hard to do but I know in my heart it is the right thing to do.
We sat down with him and gave him his financial limits for school. Since he didn't save any money this summer he is on his own for book money, spending money, and additional clothing. I have been good at holding this so far.
He now has a temp sponsor in NA and that is good. he's beginning to talk about other addictive behavior in meetings and with his therapist.
I can't tell you how appreciative I am to hear your advice.
I wish you cool breezes and light rain,
mamabear

[Lilya]

Oh boy, do I make silly mistakes!

I did something really stupid today. I allowed a persuasive salesman to sell me something I didn´t want. And I let him charge the item to my visa card! I felt bad about the whole thing during the transaction, but all of a sudden I felt I was in a casino and playing the roulette like a zombie.

The horrible item is supposed to be sent to me, but after I had quarrelled with myself for an hour, I went to the bank and talked to the head of the Visa department. I told him exactly what happened and what a mistake I had made, and he was kind enough to cancel the payement and even contact the person, send him a letter from the Visa department.

I hope he will succeed. He thought so, because the salesman had just asked for permission to charge the item to my account.

I cannot believe my sillyness! I´m supposed to be an intelligent person. On top of that I manage productions and festivals budgets and I always tell my staff not to listen to salesmen and sleazy offers! I feel ashamed and sad because of this.

Please give me some feedback. I sure need it.

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[2stop]

Dear Lilya~ I think you handled it awesomly, you caught yourself making an impulse purchase and you remedied it by taking action to stop the charges!! I know it still makes us feel silly and foolish, but really you did a most responsible act by taking care of it immediately, you didn't wait til the guilt ate you up for a bunch of weeks to try and fix, you reacted, made an impulse buy, then became aware of what you did and ACTED sensibly..Proud of ya!! ((((((BIG HUGS))))))!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lilya]

Thanks, Tammie. ((( )))

I´m not out of the woods yet, but the Visa guy is hopeful.

I learned taking actions like this in the 12 steps program. At least I´m hnappy I didn´t freeze and become a zombie. Thanks again, Tammie. I really appreciate your support.

Love,

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[Lilya]

It´s been awhile since I thought about money, but now I have big decisions to make. I have two banks and funnily enough I owe in back taxes and overdraft almost as much as I own in the other bank, not counting stocks and bonds I will not touch, plus my retirement fund.

I hired a lawyer to deal with the overdraft and made a deal with the IRS. But I keep wondering if I shouldn´t just pay it all off. It means not going to Cuba this Christmas as planned with a group of friends, and I despirately need a holiday.

I need to sleep on it, but if someone has an idea, it would be greatly appreciated. Pay it all? Or pay some and go on a holiday?

In GA our first rule was to pay ourselves first. Makes me wonder...

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