New member who is sad

[SusieQ64]

I am new to this board. I am also very depressed as a result of daughter's drug abuse, recently ending Verbally abusive marriage, and mentally ill family member living in my home. I am going to my counseling and taking my medicine as I am supposed to. When will I start to feel better? I am only 39 years old and feel like my life is over. Nothing is good anymore. I try to stay positive but it is the hardest thing I ever had to do. Any one else feel this way?

[MadelineM]

Dear SusieQ,
I am a few years older than you but went thru a really deep depression in my late 30's. Depression is real, and being positive is a lot of effort you may just not be able to muster! Continue to take your medications- it usually takes 2-3 weeks to kick in- you didn't say when you began taking them. Also, it is wonderful you are in counseling. It helps to talk, to journal your feelings, and to visit posts like this...It sounds like you have been hit with triple hits- it would overwhelm anyone! You are hurt, angry and feel so helpless. I feel this way without what you have on you.

I want you to realize that you are a person, created by a loving God and it will be God who will walk with you thru all this. Depressed people are some of the most loving, giving, truthful people around- please, be gentle with yourself- you will come out of this black hole in time. Then, you will be able to evaluate things and perhaps see things a little differently. It does hurt, and it seems so lonely. God is working in you. Just , be still.
Love you-Madeline

[SusieQ64]

Thank you Madeline for your words of comfort. I appreciate them. Sometimes I do feel bad though. I have been taking my medicine for about three weeks now. I am better than I was, I guess. I just want to feel "normal". I know God it here holding me up thanks for reminding me. I getting ready to file for divorce. This is why I think that I feel sad I think because of the loss and all. Thanks again.

[Juls]

Susie,

Welcome to the boards. What you are feeling is perfectly normal given the circumstances you are dealing with. It takes time to come out of a depression, and like Madeline said it does take a few weeks for the meds to work.

Try to spend some time everyday sitting outdoors in the sun. Sunlight can be helpful with depression. Are you able to be very functional right now?

Try to do something good for yourself every day. Take care of yourself and nurture yourself. You are a person worth loving. You deserve to be happy. This will pass, and life will seem worth living again.

Juls

[SusieQ64]

Juls,
THank you for your words of comfort. No, I am not very functional lately. I try to take a walk everyday but my Verbally abusive husband, who I do not live with anymore, calls me to harrase me a lot. Also, I have asked my brother who is an addict to leave but he still sleeps on my porch and in my car. It is very difficult for me not to feel sad and trapped in this house because I am afraid that my brother will steal my stuff. I have called police but before they get here he leaves. I know I need to take better care of myself and I am in my own 12 step program for friends and family of addicts. IT is just so darn dificult to turn my back on my addicted daughter and brother. I love them both so much and am afraid they will die. I will try to do something for myself each and every day like you suggested. Thanks for being there.

[Juls]

I am sorry to say this Susi, but if you don't set some boundaries for yourself in how you deal with them, you will be the one to die. I don't mean physically, but it will be killing your spirit. It is a very difficult thing to do, seperating yourself from loved ones that are using, but you needn't sacrifice yourself. Check out the Anon boards from soom good support and suggestions on how to do it.

Juls

[2stop]

SusieQ, How are you doing today?

[SusieQ64]

Still am feeling somewhat depressed but your responses do help me to remember that I am not always alone. I went to a group meeting this evening and that was helpful.

[Juls]

Susie,

Good for you that you did something for yourself. You got yourself out of the house and to a meeting. I am proud of you for making that effort on your own behalf. I hope you are proud of yourself as well.

It is good for us to know we are not alone, and that's one of the things I like about this board. We can talk to each other, gain insight, and get things off our minds.

A usefull tool is to get a notebook and write down times when you do feel better. I would find that it helped give me a perspective that things were not always bad, all day every day. Sometimes when we are feeling depressed our mind plays tricks on us, and we don't realizie that there may be times in the day when we do feel better. This can help us clue into when our depression is lifting, thereby encouraging us that things will and are getting better.

Juls

[SusieQ64]

Sometimes I feel that the simplest thing is a struggle. I think that my medicine is beginning to help me some but I still feel sad. I am also proud of myself because I have made a decision to file for divorce. My husband assaulted me sexually in the marriage and last night at the meeting I spoke of it for the first time. It helped. I thought it was not any big deal but when I heard myself speak of it out loud it sounded horrible. Which it was. My husband did a good job of diminishing my self esteem but I am working hard at getting that back. I think that God has a plan for me...Thanks all for being there.

[Juls]

Susie,

I am so sorry to hear about what your husband did to you. Are you able to get any counseling? These things can really scar our psyches.

The fact that even the simplest of things is a struggle I know is hard. There were days when it was all I could do to take a shower. Just as long as you try Susie. I know it sounds trite to say things will get better, and it doesn't help you now, but it is true. God does have a plan for you, all you have to do is be here.

Juls

[SusieQ64]

Thanks for your concern Juls. I am in counseling each week and it does help. I already notice that the longer time goes by it seems to help. At first it was easy to try to just push it out of my mind. It sneaks up on you and hits you. Sometimes too, I have nightmares. I just keep reading my Naranon literature and try to take my life One Day at a Time. Thanks again for your concern. It helps.

[Lilya]

Hello Susie,

Know that you´re not alone.

What you´re going through are what we call "the Total, the whole paquage deal". (I´m French). These things always seem to arrive in three or four or even more! But then again, to quote Tolstoy, we cannot live sheltered either.

I want to share with you what I´ve been going through since I started as a member here. My father, to which I´m extremely close got a stroke so he is dying, my favourite aunt died of a massive heart attack, my cousine was murdered in Geneva and I´m the executor of the estate because we are a French/Scandinavian family and I speak both languages.

A close friend killed himself, the only male I have met in three years who looks appetizing to me (I´m celibate) and my best friend´s husband is dying of cancer. I just survived a natural disaster - the heatwave in Europe has killes thousands and I almost got hospitalized last week.

I´m still standing and I know you can too. This too shall pass and now it´s very important to take one day at a time, even one hour at a time. Concerning your daughter and brother, try if you can to let go and let God take over your burdens. It always clears the head to let go and you´ll find different solutions. I presume the police knows what is going on and that your brother is a menace? Have you considered having an injunction against this harrassment? I would believe it´s for your brother own good. You´re not helping him in this state and he has all the options available to him if need be, just as you have taken responsability and gone on meds and in therapy. Sometimes it takes so much to get us, these willful people, to hit bottom.

About your ex - I cannot really help because I don´t know your story. All I can tell you is that I´ve had five abusive co-habitations and one disastrous marriage and my only pride is that I left and never looked back. You deserve so much more that abuse.

Let me know how you´re doing. My thoughts are with you. And it sometimes takes a few more weeks for the meds to really kick in. Hang in there. This is the school of life and you´ll come out of it stronger.

Use adversity

[SusieQ64]

Thank you Lilya for sharing your story with me. It does give me strength knowing that if you can go through all that and still be standing then I must be able to do it too. Thank you so much. Everyone's support on this board has helped me so much, I couldn't have done it without you.