It's just not fair

[groverat]

I'm so sick of dealing with bipolar. I try as hard as I can to be grateful and upbeat, but my efforts just do not seem to be working for me now. I am so tired of of all of it. Dealing with meds, going to the doc, hospitalization, waking up having no idea how I'm going to feel today. I stay in a total fog with this Lamictal, but it's working to control my bipolar, sort of. One thing for sure is that I am not going through another med change - it takes all the patience I can muster and seems like it takes forever to get through it. Another thing is the cost. I do not make much money at my job, and I'm tired of spending so much of it on pdoc and meds. I've tried the social services route and they treat you like so much cattle. I have always hated my mother for giving me this gift. She's dead now and I still hate her. I know that's stupid. And the time it takes out of my life. I go to AA meetings every day, do a lot of service work, group therapy two hours on Saturday, all this after a grueling work day. I just don't know what else I can do to try to help myself. I'm tired, tired, tired. I definitely need an attitude adjustment. I'm full of self-pity and I hate that. I think my thinking is all messed up. I need someone to tell me it's going to be OK.

[Bamboozle]

Hello, grover.

Hang around SR for a while and keep reading and posting. Sometimes that helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

[scott]

I too have bipolar and I know exactly what you are describing. One of the things that helps me is finding other bipolar forums that deal specifically with what I am dealing with and doing a lot of reading on them. I track my mood at moodtracker.com and that helps with my doctor, it also allows me to chronicle my moods and keep track of how I'm feeling and helps me predict how I'm going to feel because I too hate waking up in the morning and not knowing how I'm going to feel today. I hate the hospitalizations and I especially hate the meds that make me feel super foggy. I'm currently taking Invega 9mg, it's a lot like risperdal if you've ever had that one. I visit the dailystrength forums as well, they're pretty good with some good info. I also have been diagnosed with ADHD so I go to the bipolar forum over on addforums.com and they always help me out as well. It will be ok, and I think you know that because you tell people that all you're really needing is some encouragement. One thing that always helps me when I'm like that is that the medication can only help me partially. Sometimes I have to help myself, and it's what I do right now that defines me. When I tell myself that I always seem to choose to pick myself up and make the best of it. It's a huge self-esteem booster and gives us bipolar sufferers some much needed confidence. I really hope this helps cause I know how you are feeling and I really know it sucks hard.

[groverat]

Thanks to both of you for your comments. I do feel better today. And I definitely appreciate your suggestions, sschriever. I've stopped and recalled how really bad it used to be when I was first diagnosed and how bad it was right before I got into sobriety. I have to admit that my problems today which seem at the moment like mountains are little molehills compared to what they were before I got help. As usual, a big part of the remedy for me is reminding myself how blessed I am and how grateful I feel. I like it here.