Loved one in recovery, also suffers from mood disorders

[angel718]

Hello. I appreciate the wonderful support system that I have found on this website, and I hope that you will all be able to help me think rationally about the situation which I having been dealing with for the past 7 months. I met a wonderful guy last summer who I soon found out was an addict. He drank and abused opiates. Since then, I have stood by him every step of the way through numerous rehabs and sober living houses. I have been his biggest supporter (I do not drink or use), have always been there for him, have become close with his family, and done everything I can to make him know that I care about him and his recovery. To complicate the situation, he also suffers from bipolar disorder and depression and is taking meds for both of these. While his recovery is obviously his number one priority, I also have romantic feelings toward him. We are intimate, but he will not put the label of boyfriend/girlfriend on us. Some people have told me that this is because you should remain sober for one year before entering into a relationship. I do believe that he cares about me, but I find myself constantly worrying about him now that he is on his own and just released from the sober living home. If he doesn't return my calls, I think the worst-the mood disorders are taking a toll on me. If you have any advice for me, it would be most appreciated. Thank you.

:praying

[historyteach]

angel,
Please find a local alanon or naranon meeting. Go to them; get a sponsor. Learn to detach. You can love this person without getting sucked into the sickness. As you say, it's already taking a toll on you. It will get much, much worse if you do not learn to set boundaries, and take care of yourself first. The 12 steps of alanon/naranon will help you learn that. A sponsor will guide you on your way.

I look forward to hearing from you and knowing how you're doing. It's a difficult road you are traveling. Be sure to protect yourself.

Shalom!