Hi. I'm new...

[RockyGirl]

Hi, I'm new here, my name is Aimee

I just needed to talk to someone...I feel like i'm going crazy and I just can't stop thinking about self harm and suicide...I just don't know what I can do

I'm so lost...I feel so out of touch with reality and i'm so depressed...

Sorry to rant, just need someone who understands...

- Aimee

[jurneyman]

Hi Aimee, Welcome to the Mental Health Forum, If some information might help. There
are stickies at the beginning of the Forum that could help on both self harm and suicide.
I hope you check out the info and some of the sites that you would be directed to. There will be more members shortly who are more familiar then I am with what you are going through. There are people on this site who really care.

[historyteach]

Hi, Aimee...
Welcome to SR and the mental health forums!

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Please remember that there *is* light and life at the end of the tunnel. That's why you reached out and posted here. You were searching for the light. You will find it once again.

Jurneyman was right. There are some very good sources above on the stickies. Here's a great starting point: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html (If You Are Feeling Suicidal)
Take some time to read through some of the sources there. You will find many helpful ones.

Do you have a doctor? Have you told her/him about how you're feeling? Please do so if you have not. It's important to be honest with your health care provider. Especially when you're feeling so poorly. There are many things available to help; from therapy, to medication to outpatient or even inpatient hospitalization, if needed. But, only your doctor and you can determine the course of treatment necessary.

Please call. Then let us know how you're doing. We care.

Shalom!

[Isaiah]

Hello, Aimee.

I sent you a message, but I wanted to reply to you here too.

Historyteach is quite right that a good health care provider is a good place to go when things are so bad. Or a pastor or school counselor. For me it was just like getting into a cold lake in summer... hesitant at first but felt relieved when I was finally in.

Of course, that's not to say we're not here for you too!

[RockyGirl]

Thank you so much for everyone's kind replies.

I have told my doctor and I am seeing a therapist one a week.

I'm also taking citalopram and olanzapine daily.

I'm having a psychiatric assessment next week I think...

thanks again for everyone's kind words...it means a lot!

- Aimee

[historyteach]

That's good to hear, Aimee.
Let us know how it goes with the assessment.
And please do continue to post and tell us how it's going day to day.

I will say that, for me, it's important that I care for myself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in order to do well. If I do something in each of these areas each day, I feel the best ever. I know it's a very tall order, if you're not used to doing these things. But, start slow, and work up. I assure you, it does make a difference.

Hope to see you around!

Shalom!

[Isaiah]

You bet.

Even under good care sometimes emotions just take a sudden, quick dip. I know exactly how that goes. Hope you're feeling better today. Your last message sounds better!

[yeahgr8]

Hope it goes well for you, one thing is for sure it can and will get better if you keep going:-)

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

You bet.

Even under good care sometimes emotions just take a sudden, quick dip. I know exactly how that goes. Hope you're feeling better today. Your last message sounds better!

Hi, thank you for your PM! I can't reply until I have 5 posts...

Thank you so much for everyone's kindness...
Just recently I have been hearing things and it scares me...I hear voices telling me things and sometimes I hear like loud bangs or rustling things that aren't anything to do with the real world.

I just feel so out of touch with reality and I don't care anymore...I fel like i'm on the edge of a cliff, and i'm just waiting for something to push me over the edge and it scares me because I don't know what i'd do if that happened...

I wouldn't even know, sometimes I do things and I can't remember doing them...i'm so lost :-(

I have planned suicide and it's still going through my mind 24/7...I can't sleep, I just over eat or don't eat at all...

What should I do? I feel like a ticking bomb...it's been building up for so long and I feel ready to snap all the time now...it's mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting...

Sorry to rant...I feel guilty now :-(

- Aimee

[rickdeckard]

Originally Posted by RockyGirl

Hi, I'm new here, my name is Aimee
I'm so lost...I feel so out of touch with reality and i'm so depressed...
- Aimee

I was sick for several years, and the doctors had trouble figuring out what was wrong with me. I recall feeling like I'd been sent to prison, even though I'd done nothing wrong. I felt rage, and also there was a sense of something very unfair. Later, almost by accident, another doctor was able to point me in the direction of a treatment that seemed to work. At that point, I recovered most of my health. 5 years had gone by, the stretch from when I was 27 to 32.. I recalled wondering what was the point of moving forward? I was very full of sorrow at that time. Later I stumbled into a valley of events that were unexpected. Things went very well. I had a good time. Many things came up for me which were surprises. Many were positive.

I say all this to offer hope. I know that when I was feeling at my worst, I would not have predicted how much better I was to feel later.

[Isaiah]

Aimee,

Don't feel guilty This forum exists for you to do just what you're doing.

The way you're describing what you're going through sounds very familiar to me. And so I really, really have to ask you to look for some professional help. I know about the guilt and confusion that comes with not feeling like you know who you are, and not feeling like you have control of anything. I know seeking help isn't easy because you feel like it's your own fault for being that way. Am I right? If so, believe me, you and I are just as responsible as a person with diabetes. We need to be treated when it's getting bad.

Trust me on this one, Aimee. You said you do things and don't remember them, yes? Just a little over three months ago I went to a hospital, which I don't remember doing, and I told them that I was planning to kill myself. I was living in a horrible dream that I didn't even feel was my life anymore. I'm not saying that is what you should do too, but something is better than nothing. What I did quite possibly saved my life. I might not be posting here right now if I hadn't done so.

And tonight, three months later, my big concern is how to prepare this ground veal that I bought. Life does turn around for people who have our crazy genes or whatever. I'm telling you that you can get through this, but you're going to need a little courage to ask for help, or if courage isn't possible just take a gamble. Don't let this go too far or for too long. Have trust in the future and do the right thing. I mean I still have plenty of days where I feel like I'm losing my mind, but my mood swings are becoming bearable.

And keep us in the loop so we know how you're doing. You've now got a lot of faceless but very pro-Aimee strangers cheering for your cause. And again, you can never rant too much with us.

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

Aimee,

Don't feel guilty This forum exists for you to do just what you're doing.

The way you're describing what you're going through sounds very familiar to me. And so I really, really have to ask you to look for some professional help. I know about the guilt and confusion that comes with not feeling like you know who you are, and not feeling like you have control of anything. I know seeking help isn't easy because you feel like it's your own fault for being that way. Am I right? If so, believe me, you and I are just as responsible as a person with diabetes. We need to be treated when it's getting bad.

Trust me on this one, Aimee. You said you do things and don't remember them, yes? Just a little over three months ago I went to a hospital, which I don't remember doing, and I told them that I was planning to kill myself. I was living in a horrible dream that I didn't even feel was my life anymore. I'm not saying that is what you should do too, but something is better than nothing. What I did quite possibly saved my life. I might not be posting here right now if I hadn't done so.

And tonight, three months later, my big concern is how to prepare this ground veal that I bought. Life does turn around for people who have our crazy genes or whatever. I'm telling you that you can get through this, but you're going to need a little courage to ask for help, or if courage isn't possible just take a gamble. Don't let this go too far or for too long. Have trust in the future and do the right thing. I mean I still have plenty of days where I feel like I'm losing my mind, but my mood swings are becoming bearable.

And keep us in the loop so we know how you're doing. You've now got a lot of faceless but very pro-Aimee strangers cheering for your cause. And again, you can never rant too much with us.

Hi, the first thing I had to say is that this post made me smile:-) first smile in a little while I can tell you that!

I am seeing my doctor and a therapist once a week.

sometimes I feel as though I do want to get better, and sometimes I feel like just ending it...I'm thinking about self admitting myself...do you think this would help?

I just don't know what to do for the best...sometimes I feel so near the edge I feel it'd be impossible to drag myself back...these feelings and thoughts and problems have been building and building since I was 12. I'm 18 now and it feels like it's getting unbearable!

Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding...it helps to know that other people have been through and are going through what I am...I will hopefully be around tomorrow to tell you how I am feeling.

Thank you again!

- Aimee

[Isaiah]

Originally Posted by RockyGirl

sometimes I feel as though I do want to get better, and sometimes I feel like just ending it...I'm thinking about self admitting myself...do you think this would help?

I think that above and beyond all else you deserve to be safe. Inpatient could help, yes. It helped me, but of course I cannot play the role of doctor and say it *would* help for you. It's worth looking into.

And *slaps forehead* I forgot that you did say you were in therapy. Do you feel like you're gaining anything from that? Rarely do they provide any instant cures, but ideally they should be helping you find ways to control the emotional earthquakes. Perhaps you could ask them to try another approach if you think that would help you?

Cheers.

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

I think that above and beyond all else you deserve to be safe. Inpatient could help, yes. It helped me, but of course I cannot play the role of doctor and say it *would* help for you. It's worth looking into.

And *slaps forehead* I forgot that you did say you were in therapy. Do you feel like you're gaining anything from that? Rarely do they provide any instant cures, but ideally they should be helping you find ways to control the emotional earthquakes. Perhaps you could ask them to try another approach if you think that would help you?

Cheers.

Hi,

I'm having CBT at the moment in therapy.

I'm having therapy again tomorrow so I might just have to ask about admitting because I really don't feel safe around myself at the moment. I feel like I could snap at any time.

I don't know if therapy is working...sometimes I feel worse than i've ever felt before...maybe it's helping bring all the emotions to the front? I don't know...

once again, thanks so much for the reply, It's really nice to know I have people I can talk to!

Thankkk youu!

- Aimee