I had a horrible weekend, How about you?

[chm760]

This was the worst weekend I've ever had.. My g/f and I have been dealing with her Bi Polar disorder, as well as her crack addiction. I know, “dealing with it” is another way of saying enabling it. She was sober for 6 days!! I’m so proud of her!!! But the depression combined with the depression from being bi polar, wow. I was there for her, I sat and listened, didn’t try to be “Mr. Fix it” I just was there. Friday is when it all came down. She got some crack from somewhere, and looked at it for a long time, then took it, she admitted it to me as soon as I got home from work, I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t disappointed, I said to her “ Tomorrow is a new day, we’ll start again” Friday night she lied to her mother and her mother gave her some money, my g/f was gone for quite some time and came back with more crack. She said she wanted to do it here at home, so she’ll feel safer. For some odd reason, I agreed to that!!! I wanted to help her, but I didn’t realize that I wasn’t helping her, I was encouraging her. Saturday was bad but Sunday was the worst of it all. She left the house and came back 9 hours later, with the people who have been giving her the dope, she brought them into our home. She asked if I still loved her and wanted me to meet her friends, I told her “I’m an addict! I can’t be with people who currently use drugs!!” Then, finally, I had to make the decision of keeping her and continuing to enable her addiction, or leave. I had to choose leave. It was a tough and rough weekend. I hope to God that she is doing fine. My sponsor suggested that she must hit rock bottom so she can see how bad her situation is, then she can pull herself up and continue life. I don’t know if that is the best solution, but I know that when I finally stuck bottom, I got cleaned quickly! I hope she will too. Thanks for the rant and the venting. Anyone have any insight as to how I should handle or not handle this situation?

[Juls]

chm760,

I'm sorry to hear about your g/f, but you are handling it just right by taking care of yourself and your sobriety first. You saw that you were enabling her and jeopardizing yourself and you got out.

I know it doesn't feel good, but it was definitley the right thing to do. Hopefully she will get it on her own, which is the only way to get it, and perhaps you and she can have a good, strong, healty relationship.

Feel free to post, vent, whatever, here any time - o.k.?

Welcome to the forum.

Juls

[chm760]

Thanks. I guess I needed to hear that I made the right choice. When I was using, and hitting the bottom, I wasn't lucky enough to have someone there that loved me and listened to me, helped me through, but then I'm kinda glad I didn't, because I'm sure I would still be using. I don't know how long this feeling will last. I feel so bad, I feel that I have abandoned her at her worst hour. But I know that if I took her back, then I’d be using again, if not heroin then crack. I can’t do that. I’m so upset and tired. I wish her all the best. I’m moving from this town, there’s too many influences here. I must get back on the track with my life. I only hope she will forgive me for what I have done. I know in my mind and heart, it was her choice to continue to live this way, and I shouldn't feel bad about my decision. And in time I know she may forgive me. I gotta let her go.

Reminds me of a story I've once heard.

Two monks were walking along a river bank, across the river, stuck in the mud, was a beautiful maiden, the older monk cut down a vine, swung across, and picked up the maiden in his arms, and swung back to shore, the maiden thanked him and wanted to show her appreciation, he and his younger friend started to walk away. Half way down the river the younger monk said to the older monk, "That was very unbecoming of a monk to do that, the way you carried her across the river on a vine. She is very beautiful and you didn't get tempted?" The older monk replied surprisingly, "I left her back there on the bank of the river, why are you still carrying her? Let it go”

Something like that…

Anyways thank you.

[Lilya]

Chm760,

I´m sorry as well you had such a difficult weekend, but could it be a blessing in disguise? Juls has said everything I wanted to say, so I´ll just add briefly: Remember you don´t help anyone if you´re falling down with them. Your girlfriend has all the options available to her to stop her drugtaking. It´s the will to stop and the surrender that can make us stop.

I also had to let my a fiancé and a husband go whom I loved both very much. The former was sexually addicted and faithless and the latter was a drug addict and is now a member of a dangerous sect. My daugher is also in a sect and I had to let her go after years of battle against her and myself.

I did all that I could do, and then I had to let something stronger than me take over. I feel happy today with my decision, but believe me, it was not easy. Mourning my daughter will be with me always, but some birds are not meant to be kept. Also, I´ve learned that whatever you lose, you get in a different form. I have a fosterson and lots of nieces and nephews who are the light of my life.

Remember that new doors will open. I don´t know how it works, it´s a mystery.

Good luck and keep coming back.

Use adversity

[chm760]

Thank you. God I love this place....

They say when God closes a door he opens a window. I've seen that happen in my life many times. Last night I went to see some friends who have been going through EXACTLY what I'm going through. I see so much hope for my g/f and I and I pray that she is working on getting sober. I had to do something awful yesterday, I had to change the locks at our apartment. She’s pawned our TV and DVD Player already, and I know its just material things, I could care less about that stuff, I'd rather have her than a TV or DVD player, she is much more entertaining =)

I'm starting to realize that what I did isn't a horrible thing, it was something that needed to be done, for our sake. It may take her 5 months or a year, and I may have moved on, I just hope she'll be sober. l got a loan from my bank today. I'm moving off this island and starting new near my family and friends. I know this sounds. . . . . well co-dependant and pathetic.... but I wish she could be here with me. I miss her so much. I miss the sober g/f I once had. Gotta go, typing is hard when your crying…


Love yas

[2stop]

Sending ((HUGS)) and prayers for strength your way...

[chm760]

Well, sorta good news, maybe bad.

My g/f called me this morning from a hotel room on the island, she said she was dying and wanted to know if she could come home to do it. She wouldn't tell me what hotel she was as so I had to call the police, and we checked around and finally found her, she was fine. She didn't overdose or attempted anything, at least that’s what she told the police. Now she’s back at home, and now I feel that I can't have her stay there. I told her to call a doctor and get her help, I told her that she can't stay there anymore, and I can't do this anymore. But I also explained to her that I feel guilty for letting her go, if she gets help fine, if she doesn't well, then it will be hard for me, but fine. I still feel like a schmuck though, and I know I'm doing the right thing. I told her that I was content with her being gone since I felt that maybe she will hit rock bottom then realize that she needs help, and then get it. She took that the wrong way totally, she feels that I don't want her in my life at all, that I don't care what her problems are, and that I'm being selfish. I don't know how much harder I have to express that I do love her deeply, but I have to let her go for now. I'm leaving it in God's hands. I asked what to do and it has presented itself in a way. Now I just have to have faith that she will make the right decision and get help, then we can try again to have a healthy and happy relationship. Wish me luck and pray for us!

Love yaz

[2stop]

You're doing great and being so strong, but I'm sure it must be one of the hardest things you've ever done. Sending more hugs and prayers your way...

[chm760]

Sorry folks. I gotta vent.

I can't understand the lack of sympathy in this town. God forbid anyone who visits here gets deathly sick or injured. The medical profession here totally sucks! My g/f is trying to get medical attention, she finally confessed to me that she's been of her meds for 5 years not 2. So she calls the Mental Health and Rehabilitation ward at UTMB and asked to make an appointment to see a doctor ASAP. They told her she is now on a waiting list, and that a doctor may not see her until sometime next year!!! By that time she may be dead! So we decided to call private practices. NO ONE on this island is taking new patients!! NOT A ONE!!! All they can say is "Oh sorry to hear your Bi Polar, and have been off your meds for quite some time, but we can't take on any new patients right now. Call back in a year or so" I felt so bad, she started crying, she pleaded with me " How am I suppose to get help and get clean, if every doctor on this island doesn’t care about people???" We've decided to branch further onto the mainland, but its hard still if you have no health insurance, and you don't live in "their" county. A warning to all who come to Galveston Island, don't get sick, don't get injured or you will be left in the ER triage for hours waiting to get help. Don't people realize how important this is? Why is half of the people in this country blind to the fact that mental health is an important issue! Don't they see how sometimes its hard for people to function in a so called "normal" life? Don't they understand that its not easy to afford medications, or health insurance. Besides even if I had my insurance back, it wouldn't cover mental illness anyways. Don't they care??! I must do something to help! I have to make a stand or make the people notice how important people are. No one should be left behind, no one should be forced to be sick because some doctors don’t have the balls to treat someone with a mental illness. People shouldn’t have to suffer, because doctors are afraid of being sued, or insurance companies are to cheap to pay out insurance, pharmaceutical companies shouldn’t paten medical jargon or potential names so they can stake a claim on the next Prozac hype. Hospitals shouldn’t charge $120.00 a pill of Tylenol that cost .14 1/5 cents a pill when you buy a bottle at the store. I guess the name of the game is rake the prices, to recoup the loss, people aren’t lives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, their just potential profit, plus or minus, all depending on what illness they have. You have cancer? WOW come on in!! You have depression ? Well we’ll think of something for you. Bottom line the bigger the illness the more money they get. I’ve lost faith in the medical profession here in Galveston!

Thanks for the rant. Sorry if it didn’t make sense.

[Juls]

Chm,

Ranting is what this place is for, and you made alot of sense. I have been frustrated by the medical profession as well, although not as badly as what you are dealing with. Is there a crisis intervention line you can call? I don't know what else to suggest. Who was she getting her meds from before? Dr.s do have to adhere to a certain code of ethics, and it would seem to me that whoever treated her before would be obligated to see her under a crisis situation which is what you seem to have.

Hang in there with your g/f and I hope you are able to get some sort of help soon.

Juls

[chm760]

From what I understand at UTMB, they have now made it practically impossible for patients with mental illness to get their meds from another source. i.e. physician, family doctor, etc. Now you have to go through a psych evaluation to determine how severe your illness is then determined how important medical treatment is. UTMB now only has just a hand full of doctors in that field at the moment, with thousands of patients coming in and having to wait over a year just to get evaluated. I've never liked that hospital, I have a stomach ulcer, and I needed to get a upper GI test. If I went to UTMB, I would have to wait 5 months just to be seen by a doctor, then wait longer for the test. I went to Houston, which is about an hour away and got it done all in one day. But physical illness and wellness is easier sometimes to diagnose and treat, than lets say Bi Polar disorder. I just don't get how some people just shrug off this disease like its just something that happens. Depression is a problem, only its worse if you are Bi Polar, the mania is rough to deal with. I just think of how my g/f feels, what she's going through, I try to put myself in her shoes. All isn't bad news. I asked some of her family to help out, and their going to pitch in with med. Before she would work 2 jobs to pay for meds, and her family doctor was able to write her scripts, that's not possible anymore. I just want what's best for her, she deserves a good life. We all do =)

[2stop]

I dealt with the TX mental health system for 18 years and it was hell, I've been back east fro a year now and they have a different attitude about it up here, TX just seemed so indifferent and the professionals even seemed to be affected by the stigma of it all. Don't give up though, there were a few I met were caring, intelligent professionals. I will say a prayer fro your girlfriend that she finds proper tretament...

[chm760]

Well we're not giving up hope. We never had, we've made it through rough times before, we can do it again.

As for the lack of understanding and caring by medical professionals in the state of Texas? Easy answer for that. Old fashion Republicans. I have faith though that we'll find a doctor who will help her. This experience has brought out the journalist, the writer in me, this is a good thing. I think I'll start again. I bet if I do some investigating I can definitely find answers, and help the next person who is in the same situation as my g/f and I are in. Wish me luck!


Thanks for all of your prayers and understanding! Ya'll are the best! My best wishes and prayers go out to both of you!

<Big Hugz> Thanks again.

[chm760]

Well, my g/f and I are doing great! She's back on her medication, we got samples from our new doctor to last her awhile until we can see the new psyc doctor. She's been sober now for 16 days! Way to go !!! Most of the people who have been supplying her with drugs are now arrested. We're moving off the island soon. We found a new apartment on the mainland. I'm currently looking for a new job, something that pays more and helps with health insurance, she has filed for disability, and plans to take it easy for awhile. She wants to go back to school and teach deaf children, (way cool!!) I've written 3 chapters of my book, and sent it out to my agent, whom I haven't spoke to in 8 years, hopefully I will get it published when its done. So all of ya'lls prayers and hopes have panned out for us. Thank you so much for your support. When I'm published I'd like to send you a copy of the book. I'll keep in touch!!! =)


Thanks again. You are all a God send!

[2stop]

I am so happy for and your GF....That's wonderful news!!!!~
Please do let us know the book..and I'll buy it!!!

[Juls]

Thanks for the update Chm, I've been wondering how you and your gf were doing. Good luck with your plans. They sound great. I would love to see your book too.

Juls