Relating the present to the past?

[hydrogirl]

I find that I am very depressed lately. My BF has an addicted son who has brought drama, verbal abuse, and threats of violence to his entire family. However, my BF has set boundaries and deadlines, and things do seem to be moving forward a bit. The AS will be out of the house by Feb 2 latest, and the rest of the family should be able to find some peace from the day-to-day drama.

I have been as supportive as I can be for my BF, and have tried not to take on the role of co-codie. Now, I am depressed....

I keep thinking about my own sister who is a recovering coke addict/alcoholic, and my parents are (I see now) enablers. She has been clean for more than 13 years, but still blames our parents for all of her problems. She adopted (while clean) more than 12 dogs over a period of 1 year, and of course had no place to live with them....so my parents let her live with them. She has not been able to work because she has no kennel to keep the dogs during the day...so my parents support her. At the moment, they are even building her a house on their farm so she has a place of her own and she can build kennels for the dogs.

*I don't have a dog, even though I would like one, because I do not have the money to responsibly own one.
*No one is building a house for me.
*My ex-husband got remarried in November to a woman much younger than I in what I understand was a beautiful wedding (for ours, he was grouchy during the whole reception).
*I don't know if the family situation for my BF will ever settle down enough for us to consider getting married.
*I don't know if the Catholic Church will ever grant me the annulment so that we could get married if that's what we decide.
*I don't understand why I feel this way now about things that have nothing to do with the current stress of my BF's situation with his AS.

I DO need to be more grateful for all the things I do have, but I'm finding it very hard right now. Thanks for listening.....HG

[mxchaos]

Try and do something nice for yourself today you deserve it.

[Bamboozle]

Originally Posted by hydrogirl

I DO need to be more grateful for all the things I do have, but I'm finding it very hard right now. Thanks for listening.....HG

Ah, there's that word again...grateful.

I never could just start thinking of all that I have to appreciate when I'm upset about important things, so what I do instead is do something for myself that makes me feel good. This shifts the focus away.

mxchaos is right...do something nice for yourself.

[historyteach]

HG,

Sometimes, life just gets to us.
It's ok to feel down once in a while, as long as we don't stay there. In fact, it's quite "normal" whatever that is, lol! But, as my friend, Ann, says, "The difference between a bad day and a good day is about three days." In other words, this too shall pass. It just sucks going through it!

If you continue to feel depressed after a few days or more, though, definately do consider talking to a counselor or your doctor. Ongoing stress can and does lead to depression. You've been through some stressors lately with the b/f's son and more.

And resentments over the sister aren't doing you any good either. Please try to let it go. Remember, a resentment is like drinking poison yourself, thinking it will kill the other person.

I've found, for myself, that the best antidote for resentment is prayer. Not for me, but, for the one whom I have a resentment against. They are the ones who are sick and need help. Remember what Jesus said as he died on the cross, "Forgive them Father, for the know not what they do." It was the Romans who were sick; who were causing his pain. He turned it over to G*D and was able to let it go. Only then did he die in peace. That, too, is what we must do. Pray for those who are our source of pain; give it to G*D; and let it go.

I hope this helps. Of course, continue to come here and talk it out. There are many who can share their own experience, strength and hope.

Shalom!

[hydrogirl]

Thank you....everyone...

It's funny, but I never used to be resentful of my sister previously. I'm not sure that I believed she could really ever survive on her own, while I could, and so she might need some support. But as I have watched my BF interact with his AS, it seems clearer to me now that she is perfectly capable of working and taking care of herself, she simply makes decision that keep her dependent on our parents. Maybe she likes to be in a position to complain?

Three days, right? Well, I do pray for my sister and our parents that some day they will decide it is important to truly talk in an honest way and that they may all find peace and happiness.

For myself, I pray to be helpful to others and to do some good in this world. I also pray that G*d would show me my path to be happy and fulfilled.

Well....not much humour today yet, but tomorrow is another day, right? Thank you all again for your support!

HG