Living environment is wearing on my mental state

[LaDita]

I have come to the conclusion that my apartment building is possessed. Not sure of what but it has and always has had very bad energy. It's a low-income building and 98% percent of the tenants are certifiably insane. It smells bad, people are so out of it from their medications that people often forget to take the trash out, etc. and the morale here sucks. People are extremely rude or too crazy to hold a conversation.
The police are here at least once a month because someone is having a break-down of some sort. There have been two suicides, several drug-busts and tons of other drama here and anytime I have someone over, they mention the smell or the "bad vibe".
Anyway, whenever I arrive here I feel instantly depressed in such a way that I don't even recognize that it's there. It's just this uuggh feeling that comes over me and doesn't go away until I leave.
I'm really starting to think that living in this building (where I've lived on and off for ten years) is what's been keeping me down in life. I have told this to my friend in A.A. who has lived here longer than I have and he says that this is "magical thinking" and that I have to stop blaming my surroundings and that "where ever I go, there I am" and this other condescending B.S.
The really irritating thing about this is, is that it's easy for him to say because he's never lived anywhere else (aside for his crazy parents home in the sticks) and so he has no point of reference to know what's normal and what's not.

I have complained and complained to the management about the conditions living here until I am blue in the face and if you have already read my Toxic Mold post, you probably already know his response.

There is no way I can move out on my own with my income anytime soon, if at all. I'm at a loss and I'm going crazy. I can't bear to be here much longer and I don't think, no, I know, nothing is ever going to change.

[mxchaos]

That sucks that you are stuck there.Maybe it would help to buy little things for inside your apartment that make it more welcoming for you. If you can't change the outside why not try changing the inside.

and have you seen a doc about your depression?

[jfk45]

I would try to get out more if you can. Also add some candles or other decor that will boost your mood while you are home. Hope you are feeling better soon.

[SelfSeeking]

This may come off as really trite, and if so I apologize, but what about getting some houseplants? Some types clean the air and having green things around is a booster. I know how much living in an unpleasant atmosphere can affect your mental state... Stay out as much as possible!

[dgillz]

How about moving and getting a roommate? Maybe someone in AA with good sobriety that needs a trustworthy person to help with living expenses?

[LaDita]

I've seriously considered roommates before and renting rooms, but in the past my OCD and hyper-cleanliness has put major strains on the relationship(s) and I'm not sure I can trust myself to do that again. Ideally, I would like to rent a mother-in-law apartment/studio but those aren't within my financial means either. I will just keep trying and praying that something works out. Thanks everyone.

[historyteach]

Do try the houseplants, candles and other decor to improve your internal surroundings. And if you've never heard of the art of Feng Shui, you might want to look into it. It's about the placement of things, and the empty space too, in order to achieve harmony and positive energy. It's origens where in Taoism, and it's over 3,000 years old. Many landscappers and designers take it quite seriously. Here's a link:
Understanding the Principles of Feng Shui - For Dummies

Another thing that helps me is meditation. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and going to a "safe place" in my mind - real or imagined. Gloria Steinum had a book out a few years ago called Revolution From Within. In that book is one of the best meditation practices I've ever practiced, personally. The book is available at Amazon.com, if you're interested.

I also have a table top waterfall. I use it often, as the sound of the water trickling down is very soothing. Water is also part of that "life force" called chi, in the Fung Shui noted above; the elements essential for life.

And I have a small fish tank. It's only a five gallon one; very easy to maintain. There's some gold fish, a cat fish and some algea eaters in there. All of them, swimming around, help create a beautiful environment. And, studies show that the sights and sounds of a fish tank help lower blood pressure. There's just something so beautiful about it. It's very calming.

There's a lot of good suggestions in the posts above. I hope you'll try some of them until you're at a place where you'll be able to move. We cannot create harmony in the universe, but, we can in our little sphere of it.

Let us know how you're doing. I'm not trying at all to minimize your environment. It does sound horrible. But, once our door is closed, we have control and we can create our own place of comfort and serenity.

Shalom!

[reader]

Call HUD~~ A low income building will be examined for mold, safe garbage removal practices and general safety complaisance. A housing department phone number in the phone book should help direct u. I use to own an apartment building and there our health, safety and such violations that they will force him to fix. Other suggestions are great~~ good luck my heart goes out to u. It sucks. I am here if I can help Hugs out to u.... Love, Kerry

[historyteach]

Please let us know how it's going.
We care.

Shalom!

[LaDita]

Thank you everyone!!! I will try just about all the suggestions here. One thing I'd like to do is paint one of my walls another color. I will get more furnishings (it's pretty minimalist right now) and try to make it more homey. Although all the decorating I do still doesn't eliminate the crap happening just outside my apartment door. I've given some thought to calling HUD and I think I will. Thanks again everyone.

[LaDita]

The last couple of days I have been doing research on taking landlords to court and I thought "I'm worth it", I deserve a decent place to live and I have a solid case here. Even if I don't win, at least it'll send them the message that this crap isn't acceptable. I'm also calling HUD first thing tomorrow.

Tonight I gathered all the letters (spanning over two years) that I wrote to the management complaining about the smell, including the furious one I wrote earlier today.
One of my neighbors, who is just as frustrated as I am about this, is going to help me and testify on my behalf. Hopefully my sister too (she got very sick to her stomach from the odor after visiting me here once).
I am really crossing my fingers this works. I have never taken anyone to court before and bureacracy really scares me.

:praying

[historyteach]

Good luck to you!!!
Please keep us posted.

Shalom!

[LaDita]

I have not since gotten around to making the phone calls.
Something keeps holding me back, and it's fear. It's fear of retaliation by my resident manager (who has *no* problem making others feel like s--- whenever he hears of a complaint to upper management), or that nothing will get done about my complaints (which has been often the case), or the thought that things will magically improve on their own, yet, after being bombarded with the smell of my downstairs neighbors garbage in my bathroom of all places, I am at my wit's end.

I am making an oath to myself to call first thing on Monday. I'll fill everyone in on how it goes.

[mxchaos]

I'm sorry things are still the same until you over come your fears try and lite some pleasant smelling candles and some relaxing music.

[stainedglass]

I was going to mention the Feng Shui thing too - making your environment your own personal sanctuary is mandatory. Whether it's your whole apartment, office at work or a bathroom.

However, it sounds a bit unsafe there at your building. And no place can feel calm, peaceful and inviting if there's crime happening 2 doors down from you. Some time reading the classifieds might be a good option :/.

edit - I'm in a similar situation. My house is riddled with damage from my reckless past. Damage on my counters from crack pipes, destroyed carpet because I was too high to let the dog out to pee, cobwebs all over the ceiling fans, etc. It's just a dump. And I get to start fresh by moving back in with my parents. I really feel this will be a good change. Maybe that change is what you need too.

[Jrock75]

The way you describe this place it sounds like you could get the Health Dept. to intervene,and if you don't mind alot of attention I woould get ahold of the local news media. That's me though, I believe in drastic measures for things of that caliber.

[LaDita]

Originally Posted by Jrock75

The way you describe this place it sounds like you could get the Health Dept. to intervene,and if you don't mind alot of attention I woould get ahold of the local news media. That's me though, I believe in drastic measures for things of that caliber.

Thanks! I;ve seriously contemplated this also!

[adore79]

Sorry I'm so late on this thread. The "wherever you go there you are" philosophy works TO A POINT. But it sounds like you are very serious and upset about this place you live and you have the right and you deserve to live in a comfortable, safe place. I hope you can figure something out, I think trying to get the media to do a story on the place is a good idea.

[LaDita]

I just wanted to give my kind supporters and update this thread...
In the last week I have sent -yet another- letter to the management company that runs my building and recieved no response, I called HUD and was told that this needs to be taken up with the management co. (DOH!), called the Health Department and was told that they have no more funding now (due to the stimulus), and called Animal control in regard to the pet owners who aren't cleaning out their cat boxes and letting their animals pee in their apartments and was told that they don't deal these matters and that I should consider moving and/or taking the management co. to court.
So, I'm a bit at a loss for now.

However, on a lighter note, while out shopping today I found this line of aromatherapy cleaning products called "Mrs Meyer's Clean Day". They smell GREAT! I want them ALL! The Geranium scent is the best, it smells like roses.
I am a bit of a neat freak as it is so I'm thinking about getting some if not to at least make my apartment smell nice.

[mamabin]

I agree with feng shui and water wholeheartedly. The basics of feng shui and interesting and easy to follow, and when I'm depressed I turn my clock radio to the "rain" sound. I have a beta fish in a one gallon tank with a light on my desk and I think it brings me a bit of peace.

I used to work in a candle factory. I miss it immensely. They went bankrupt

Opening a new candle is like opening a fresh box of crayons. Is that wierd???

[Paulos]

Sorry LaDita... :|

[jurneyman]

mamabin, The candles brought back memories of weeks when I was to depressed to clean the bathroom, kitchen, ect. I was in a recliner and the smell was really getting bad, when for some reason I remembered I had some strong scented candles left from years before that an old hippy friend used to make. It took every bit of strength I had to get up and force myself to find them. When I opened that box, I was almost overwhelmed when all the different scents hit me, but at least I felt something.

I had no money, so I didn't want to burn them up and have nothing left, but just sitting on a table I finally realized the scent was so strong I didn't even have to light them to fill whatever room they were in. So now that the smell was covered, and still very depressed, I left the mess as it was and went back to my recliner. Sometime today I am going out and pick up some scented candles just to enjoy. LaDita find a candle of a scent that makes you feel good, and light it at night, it also saves on the electric bill.lol.