Question

[HLBlue]

Ok, I am bipolar and I rapid cycle BAD...depression for me is sometimes a couple times a day and lasts maybe 30 mins., most the time I stay agitated, very agitated. I am also an alcoholic. I go in on the 30th for an alcohol and drug assessment. I dunno what will happen from there, I am guessing detox and then on to rehab. The soonest my counselor could get me into see the pdoc was Feb. 4th....how am I suppose to deal with everything while my moods are all over the place??!?!?!?!?!?!

This morning was rough. Now I am just trying to relax and focus.

[HLBlue]

forgot to mention, I am also an addict but, am currently not using and haven't for over a year but, all I did was trade the drugs for the alcohol. So I guess in a sense yes I am still using.

[historyteach]

Chardoll,
You do not say if you're on meds or not for your bipolar condition.
If you are, and you're drinking, you know that's not good. the drinking basically nullifies the effects of the medication, especially if you're on an antidepressant.

What have you done in the past to help your moods?
For depression, anxiety and irritability, I try to relax and stay in the present. I also meditate, and use deep breathing - especially when I can have some aromatherapy and my tabletop waterfall going. It's also helpful for me to have time alone; to exercise regularly; to eat properly; to stay in touch with my Higher Power; to exercise my mind; and to negate negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones. In short, I try to take care of all aspects of my self -- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. In doing so, I always feel better, even if only a little.

Sometimes, it takes a lot of work to do these things. Some days, I can only take on one area. But, each day, I do something good for myself. I'm worth the effort. So are you.

I hope this helps in some way. Please let us know. We care.

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

Originally Posted by historyteach

Chardoll,
You do not say if you're on meds or not for your bipolar condition.
If you are, and you're drinking, you know that's not good. the drinking basically nullifies the effects of the medication, especially if you're on an antidepressant.

What have you done in the past to help your moods?
For depression, anxiety and irritability, I try to relax and stay in the present. I also meditate, and use deep breathing - especially when I can have some aromatherapy and my tabletop waterfall going. It's also helpful for me to have time alone; to exercise regularly; to eat properly; to stay in touch with my Higher Power; to exercise my mind; and to negate negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones. In short, I try to take care of all aspects of my self -- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. In doing so, I always feel better, even if only a little.

Sometimes, it takes a lot of work to do these things. Some days, I can only take on one area. But, each day, I do something good for myself. I'm worth the effort. So are you.

I hope this helps in some way. Please let us know. We care.

Shalom!

I am leaving alot out some you can find in the AA forums.

I edited my response in this reply because, I messed up. My response is in the next post. Sorry for the confusion.

[HLBlue]

I am currently not taking any meds.

No excuses here. I was just diagnosed bp. Found out from my mother that apparently it runs in our family. I have had a life of very irratic (sp) behavior. And times where I was ok. I have done some really horrible things. It has gotten worse in the past couple of years where I can't seem to relax anymore or calm myself like I use to. I have 3 kids so peace and quiet is not an option till after they go to bed at night.

The only times and I know this may sound bad but, the only times I have felt at peace and rarely drank or took drugs. Were the times I just up, walked out the door, got on a bus and stayed with a friend for a month, have done this 3 times in the past year and the last one I stayed gone for 2 months. I came back and even though I was told everything would be better like I was every other time. It isn't and this time is worse. I am just holding on for the 30th.

I am leaving alot out some you can find in the AA forums.

I just realized I messed up that last post and made my responses look like yours. Sorry about that.

[historyteach]

I think you'll find some answers here:
Bipolar II, Mood Swings without Mania; Brain Tours; Stress and Depression; Hormones and Mood; and more...
Particularly in these two areas:
Exercise and Mood Treatment
and
mood stabilizers for bipolar disorder

There's also a lot of information in the 'Research and Information' sticky on the top of the forum. See the NY Times article in particular and the Mood Gym, too.

In the meantime, before you get to your doctor's appointment, please try to stop drinking. It will not help your moods , and it *will* destabilize you even more than you would be otherwise.

Also, try to get into a routine as much as possible. Routines help those with bipolar spectrum; getting up and going to bed at the same times; mealtimes; order and routine are the call of the day for stabilization of moods. It will also help your children too.

And do use those free nights for that alone time to relax and get some much needed *me* time. You deserve it.

I hope these things help some. Know that we're here for you.

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Char,
I just found this and thought you might find it particularly helpful.
Anxiety and Bipolar disorder
Especially this part, which comes from the link:

...When this kind of anxiety is present with other manic symptoms like irritability, it can create an awful experience people feel desperate to get out of. (Very often they discover that alcohol can help settle this down for an hour or two. Unfortunately when it wears off, the symptoms come back, very often worse than before. If a person responds to that by drinking more, that can cause a worsening of the condition over several days or weeks -- but because they get brief relief from drinking, they keep doing it and often have to drink more over time to keep their symptoms controlled. This is a dangerous spiral which is statistically associated with successful suicide attempts, so represents a clear reason to get help as soon as possible.) Fortunately there are very good medication approaches to this which can help within an hour. Zyprexa has a special role here, in my view. ...

Anxiety and Bipolar disorder

It's from the psycheducation.com link I posted above, (Bipolar II, mood swings... link). I hope it helps!

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

I understand routine. When I am not here, I am able to maintain a routine. I try to set a routine and all goes well for a week then my husband decides he does not care for it and the rest of his family do not follow it ( i.e. when they kids stay the night with them, not putting them to bed at their bedtime, having rules and boundaries.) So usualy every week, I have to try and start the routine all over again. It's exhausting and makes me not care. Its just so much easier to give in and let everyone do whatever it is they is best because, them I am all wrong. That has been a major issue for my husband and I for the past 7 years of our marriage. He and his family are always right, I am always wrong. I closed my eyes to it, took my pills ( vicodin, percocets ) to quiet the racing thoughts and pretended like everything was ok. Like in my previous posts in the AA forum, I would cry, beg and scream for help any help. I was always told to get over it and deal. So I just took more pills and then started drinking, I od'd one night on 82 pills ( muscle relaxers and sleeping pills). I died twice, was on life support for 3 days and wokeup on the 4th and walked out of the hospital. I get home to a disaster, house destroyed, his family emptied my cabinets of groceries ( some odd thing they have where they thinks its ok to take food out of family members houses if they want it )....and, I'm the crazy one. lol

I proceeded to the nearest liquor store, which is right across the street from my house, I bought some beer, came back home, drank, cleaned, did laundry, gave my kids a bath and put them to bed at their regular bedtime. Could barely, walk or talk the whole time. Don't remember much about that day other then what I was told I did. So of course a week later I left. Stayed gone for about 2 months and felt much better.

[historyteach]

(((Char)))
It will be difficult without the assistance of your husband.
But, you have every right to put boundaries down for your health and the welbeing of your children. And that is what is being discussed here. In your shoes, I would rationally and firmly state the facts and lay down the law - this *is* how it will be. Period.

And as for the family taking food from your children? :thefinger
Change the locks on the door if they have keys. Lay down the law with them too. It's too damn bad what they may *think* is ok. It's not! And let it be known, in no uncertain terms. This is YOUR home; not a soup kitchen! Geeze, louise! That's enough to make anyone :

I'm sorry; I know I shouldn't be telling you what to do. Your post just made me so angry at what others are doing to you. Do you go to a counselor? You could benefit from learning some boundary setting. It's hard, I know, if you've not learned it yet, but, it's do-able, and in your case, necessary. The sooner the better, I'd say.

Please know, I say this with concern for your well being. You're being stepped on. And NO one deserves to be treated as you are. You are a child of G*D. Never forget it.

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

I have tried setting boundaries even my husband agreed with them but, he did not follow through but, I stuck with them, and his family well they ignored him and the kids for almost a year. It was very hard on my children. They didn't understand why their Mawmaw and Pawpaw wouldn't come see them anymore. His parents would call and ask if the kids could stay the night, sure I have no problem with that but, please remember their bedtime and the rules they are suppose to follow. They would promise the kids they would come get them to stay the night and then never show up. This continued till it was finally explained to me that I was being a B***H and being selfish. So of course, I caved and here we are today.

The funny thing is I even told my husband, you and your family every time, say you will be there to help me through this and will be there to take care of the kids ( i.e. do the things I will be unable to do while I am in the hospital ) and every time it comes full circle again and I have a meltdown. I said to him a few days ago, I can't believe I keep coming back and relying on emotional cripples and people with their own personal problems, addictions that they refuse to acknowledge for their own health and well being. Instead I am the one they point at and say well at least I am not as bad as her. lol

Well, I have decided come hell or high water, on the 30th, if they do not admit me for detox and tell me I have to wait. I am just gonna walk right around the corner to the ER and have a meltdown. I do have a conselor and she has told me to go to the ER if I think I cannot wait. The issue I face is if I wait till the 30th, it will be free, If I go to the ER I will have to pay. So I am holding out and holding on by a thread.

[historyteach]

So, they are holding you and the children hostage to their inappropriate and self centered behavior.
And you cave into it.

I'm not casting aspirsions, just setting the facts out, as I see them. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

We cannot control what others do and don't do. But, one definition of insanity is to continue to do the same thing over and over, and to expect a different result. As long as you keep doing the same thing -- caving in -- you will get the same result -- more manipulative behavior on their part.

What would happen if you stood your ground and refused to cave in?
Yes, your children will question, and even be hurt by their grandparents behavior if you don't cave. They are already being hurt now. And in much worse ways, as I see it. They see how to manipulate you, (and others as a result), and are not getting what they need, (a structured routine in their life, which all children crave - it gives them safty.)

And what about the grandparents? How long could they hold out without seeing their precious grandchildren? Well, that really remains to be seen, now, doesn't it. Perhaps it would be permanent. And that would be a shame. But, it's doubtful.

And you would be teaching them a valuable lesson too, should they choose to come back. These children are *your* responsibility. You make the decisions about what is best, not them.

These are things that are within your control. If they violate your boundaries, you know what to do. Strengthen your boundary again. It's not a threat; it's a reality, based on the wellbeing of yourself and your children. It's not selfish; it's healthy. It's not *against* them, it's *for* your family. All positive. Sorry if they cannot see it. Perspective is everything and if they were healthy, (which they clearly are not), they would see it clearly. So, stick to that which you can control, and you remain in the drivers seat.

In the meantime, continue to post here for your wellbeing, and on the other forum for help with your sobriety. Remember, that will help your mood swings. But, so will the return of control over your own life.

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

You are mostly correct in your assumptions. I am hoping that with more counseling, and mood stabilizers and, sobriety will help me in asserting myself and doing what is best for my family. I can't do it on my own. I know that now but, I can't do it either while drinking and not on some kind of meds to help me with my bipolar disorder. I know that the strength and the answers are all in me. I just need to find that light at the end of the tunnel I have allowed myself to get lost in.

[historyteach]

Yes, the counseling and the mood stabilizers will help you regain control over your life, especially by learning skills in asserting yourself. Do you speak to your counselor about these types of skills already?

Please remember, "no" is a complete sentence. You need not explain yourself to them or to your children.

And, I think that light is begining to shine already...

Please do not blame yourself for an illness and for other people's borish behaviors. You are not responsible for them. But, you *will* learn how to regain your life once more, of that, I have no doubt. It will happen one day at a time.

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

Baby steps all the way!!!! I am gonna stick with it this time. I can't keep doing this myself or my family.

[historyteach]

If it's baby steps, then so be it.
If it's one minute at a time, well, that's ok too!!!
And GOOD FOR YOU!!!

So glad to see you with conviction,
knowing you will stand up for yourself,
and the reason why you will.

Even better to see that you placed *yourself* first,
and your family next.
We cannot care for anyone else,
lest we know self care.

You're well on the way.
And we're here, walking with you!

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

Why can't the people around me understand selfcare or that you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else around you???? I was raised to believe and am surrounded by people that believe, that you should come last and everyone else first???

[historyteach]

Are you a woman who was raised in the 50s or early 60s?
Sadly, it was common then...

Just remember,
What was learned,
Can be *unlearned!*

Let the unlearning begin!!!

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

I was born 11/18/1971 but was raised in a very religious family that was and still is stuck in the 50's and 60's along with my husbands family.

I feel like I am standing at the edge of a cliff and if I just had the courage to jump ( which I will no matter what on the 30th ). I will finally be able to find myself, learn and understand myself.

I have found myself several times in the last few days even asking my husband to just go ahead and take me to the E.R. but, then I get that look and change my mind. He wants me to get better, knows I really need it, loves me. But, can home and get upset because, I tell him I want to attend a meeting here online. And I either cave and don't go, or I go and he in turn sits right behind me and watches everything I type.

I wish so bad right now I had the courage to JUMP. But, he understands that no matter what on the 30th, I am jumping.

[historyteach]

Ahh, the religious family;
The ones who likes to put women on a pedistal,
and in the back seat, huh? LOL!

Remember what the commandment G*D gave us all...
"Love thy neighbor as thyself."
Thus, we are COMMANDED to love ourselves first and foremost!
We must in order to fullfill the commandment.

And please remember, the commandments are also a blessing.
When they are followed out with a full and open heart.

In this case, when we can fully love ourself,
and then, truely love our neighbor with that same love,
A blessing is given unto us in a way that we can never understand in any other way.

But, that blessing is all dependant on loving ourself first.
It can never be otherwise for the fullfillment of this commandment.

If your religious family really understood the commandment,
given to us all,
They would insist that you be healthy,
In order that you could care for your family,
And love them, as you love yourself.

Sadly, too many people know the words,
And not the meaning of those words...

Come to the online meeting,
And ask your husband to give you privacy.
It's your right.

If he asks to look on, remember,
"no" is a complete sentence.

It's *your* health at stake.
ANd you have a requirement to love yourself.
It comes from One much bigger than any of us!

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

I really try to make him understand and he kind of does but, he was raised Mormon. I was raised Catholic, Baptist with a Jewish grandmother who insisted we learn certain things. Was a crazy rollercoaster but, somehow we all managed to keep up. lol

[HLBlue]

My grandmother was Jewish and my grandfather a Baptist minister...go figure...lol Somehow they made it work for 50 years. He passed away 8 months before her. My mother married a catholic.

So I guess that makes me a mutt or mix breed. lol

[historyteach]

(((Char)))

It makes you a child of G*D...
Worthy of all that is good in this world.

Was your Jewish grandmother your mom's mom or your dad's mom?
In the reform Jewish faith, it doesn't make any difference;
but, in the conservative and othordox, if she's your mom's mom,
then you are Jewish too!

I'm glad he tries to understand.
Perhaps you can keep saying "no" until he hears you?
But, in a gentle, loving manner...

Shalom!

[HLBlue]

Originally Posted by historyteach

(((Char)))

It makes you a child of G*D...
Worthy of all that is good in this world.

Was your Jewish grandmother your mom's mom or your dad's mom?
In the reform Jewish faith, it doesn't make any difference;
but, in the conservative and othordox, if she's your mom's mom,
then you are Jewish too!

I'm glad he tries to understand.
Perhaps you can keep saying "no" until he hears you?
But, in a gentle, loving manner...

Shalom!

She was my mothers mom, my " MeMe ". I was the only one of her 21 grandchildren to call her, Meme. She raised me alot off and on through out my life, even through my teen years when my father would kick me out. And was quick and sharp witted till the end. She kept me in stitches. Something can be said for jewish grandmothers at least in my opinion. I really do miss her.

And, I keep hoping he will hear completely as well as completely understand. He is trying but, we have alot to work on, ALOT ( a couple of infidelities (sp)).

[historyteach]

She was my mothers mom, my " MeMe ".

Which means your mom is Jewish and so are YOU!
(according to Jewish law.)
Welcome to the tribe! LOL!

I'm glad you had such a special relationship with her, Char.
It's important to have that connection;
it keeps us grounded.

I hope he hears you too.
Remember, it's a day at a time for him, too.
But, each day brings you closer, hopefully.
If that's what you want,
And what you're willing to work for.

Shalom!

[historyteach]

You know, Char,
I was thinking...

How we are raised is often difficult to overcome.
There are so many issues that are assumed to be *true*
because that's how we were raised, '
and it's all we've ever known.

So, it takes alot of introspection,
if we chose to and if we dare to do so,
To search through the past in our minds; our memories,
And to question each and every *truth* we've ever known.
And then, to find our own.

And if we can do so,
We are liberated from the "mind forged manacles" of our past,
And free to live whatever life we want for ourselves.
Limited only by that which we can imagine.

Shalom!