I need some advice and support.

[allport]

Hi my name is Jennifer and im roughly five weeks sober, ive been through early recovery before and thought I had all the bases covered but Ive come up against something new this time.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression many times but I always assumed that it was just part and parcel of my drinking, I used depression on my sick notes instead of alcohol dependency (less of a stigma, lol).

The horrific anxiety has lessened significantly since I stopped drinking, but in the last couple of weeks I have become crippled with what I can only call depression.

I dont feel miserable I just dont feel anything, I have gone from being a chronic insomniac to sleeping (or just zoning out) for approxiametly 18 hours a day.

I hate leaving the house, Im not frightened I just dont want to, and even when I do I cant bring myself to talk or interact with anyone, Im fairly ok when Im on my own but life isnt like that, is it.

Im taking anti depressents, which I have been for a while, along with vitamins and Im trying to eat healthily etc.

I am seeing a counsellor and although it started off well enough, Im starting to feel its a bit pointless, or even counter productive, Im not sure how experienced she is and although she is lovely I find myself becoming frustrated with her.

I would appreciate any advice any one has to offer, should I just wait this out or is there other avenues I should be exploring.

[Freedom1990]

Well for me, and I do suffer from clinical depression, I had to approach it from several angles, including becoming actively involved in AA. I was able to work through a lot of emotional issues through the 12 steps, and my social anxiety definitely lessened.

I am one of those people who probably will require antidepressants the rest of my life due to a chemical imbalance, and during those periods where the depression really settles in badly, I also attend therapy on a regular basis.

So for me, it's medications, AA, and therapy when needed.

:ghug :ghug

[broken2]

Jennifer, congratulations on your five weeks sober!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has it occurred to you that, since you've quit drinking, the anti-depressant you are currently taking is not interacting well with your "new" body? Your therapist, if she's worth her salt, should have considered this.

Our bodies are constantly changing, or so one of my shrinks told me. So, what works "today" just might not work "tomorrow." Consider a medication evaluation and some counseling (with a new doctor.)

Keep us posted.

[allport]

Thanks Freedom, I dont really have a problem with taking AD for the rest of my life as long as they work.

I go to AA occasionally for face to face support, and sometimes find it useful, but mostly it leaves me confused and feeling bad.

In the past I really tried to do things the AA way and do the steps etc, but I am a staunch atheist and it hurts my brain to try and use the program without believing in a higher power, or confession etc (lol)

On this forum people keep extolling the virtues of the program but I just cant do it ( and believe me trying really sent me over the edge) Im not anti the groups as such, Ive met some nice people there but the seperation I feel from those who are active makes me feel even lonlier sometimes.

[allport]

Thanks Broken, I have considered a medication change and its something I will discuss next time I see my Dr, he is really helpful by the way, I think Ive tried most of them at one time or another but as you say most of the time I drank at the same time, which basically means all bets were off. x

[yeahgr8]

Hi Jennifer

I stopped drinking about 9 weeks ago now by going to a counseller and being prescribed seroxat (called paxil in the US) as an anti-depressant and anatbuse (you throw up if you have a drink).

I was responding really well in the few weeks i started counselling as i was seriously considering ending my life and gave myself this one last chance to turn things around so i guess i grabbed a lifeline which was much needed.

My sleeping patterns are all over the place, so much so that i have started sleeping a couple of hours during the day and then staying up late, and for about a week i hardly left my bed/couch. I can only put this down to the medication but i'm not moaning as i would happily live like this for the rest of my life rather than go back to 9 weeks ago as i know i haven't go the strength on me to bounch back again so if i relapse thats it for me, i can't go back to a living hell again.

I am ok at work but i find it very difficult to talk to people in a social sense or even talking to the lady who bakes the bread at the local shop, i don't know why this is but i am working through this at the counselling.

I have social anxiety apparently and am depressed, and have been using the alcohol to self medicate which was a very important piece of information for me to be told as it makes so much sense.

I bought an exercise machine, ski machine thingy as i enjoy that exercise the most, it is being installed this week and i will start after the holiday season as exercise really is important to keep energy levels up and to feel better. A walk is just as good, or doing some sort of exercise to the telly.

The counseller part is really important to me and i kind of set myself up from the start with this one, by saying that if she is talking crap i will tell her i think she is and whatever i feel towards her or the counselling i will be honest and straight forward otherwise it wont work. I think you should tell your counseller what you are feeling and more important if this one is not working get another, it is so important that you do not start feeling negative towards the counselling and only towards that counseller:-)

She said i should go to AA but to be honest i was scared and embarassed, since i have stopped for a little period now i feel less silly about going to AA and i think in January I am going to start going, i have found some local meetings, at least i will have some time behind me and, i know they would not judge me anyway, but anyone can see i am making an effort and i am not wasting peoples valuable time and efforts.


One of the things i have not done which is crucial is to ensure i am not a dry drunk, this means going to the spnaish classes i am always talking about, going to AA, starting a new hobby, starting reading again etc but to be honest i have been enjoying my new found sobriety so much that i have not done all these things. However i realise that the pills are making me feel better and all these things and the counselling are just as important to ensure i lead a productive and happy life.

I really feel for you as i can relate to what you are saying and hope this has been of help.

keep going, we can do this, i know it!

Cliff

[KindBird]

Thank you allport for putting this thread out there. I have about the same time without alcohol as you do and though I am not experiencing depression (has not been a historic problem) my body is very different and my total experience in life is more "bland". I think the advice about having your particular medication evaluated for your new sober self is great advice.

I have had similar experiences in AA and though I can see the group benefit might be good, the feeling you mentioned about not feeling good after meetings is what I have felt too. There is a good thread in the Secular forum right now called something like "just the facts" which has lots of good stuff about non-AA approaches which you might find interesting.

Good luck with the depression stuff. I have gotten a lot out of your posts these past 30-40 days on SR, so even though you are at home "alone" you are also with us on this forum and I am glad you are here. Thanks for sharing about this particular tough time.

[broken2]

Originally Posted by yeahgr8

Hi Jennifer



I am ok at work but i find it very difficult to talk to people in a social sense or even talking to the lady who bakes the bread at the local shop, i don't know why this is but i am working through this at the counselling.

I have social anxiety apparently and am depressed, and have been using the alcohol to self medicate which was a very important piece of information for me to be told as it makes so much sense.


Cliff

Cliff, I did the same as you ....... totally self-medicated with alcohol due to social anxiety/phobias. You name all the dysfunctions - I had them. My doc prescribed Klonopin (after trying "almost" thousands of other meds) and THAT is the only one that worked for me. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!

I also went through desenzitation (sp) therapy in a group setting. Between the meds and the therapy, I am finding my way back.

[doorknob]

Paxil wacked me out really bad, had to stop. I tolerate Prozac much better, but everyone is different. OCD and anxiety are my issues... tried Klonopin, but couldn't stick to taking it as prescribed and it seemed to make me want to drink. That was several years ago. I have 45 days sober, the first 30 I was taking Paxil and felt horrible. I'm starting to feel better now and have been on Prozac for a several days. I've taken Prozac on and off most of my adult life but was usually drinking and smoking pot as well. It's pretty much side effect free for me though, which is good, because OCD usually requires pretty high doses to be effective. I'm working my way back up to the maximum. Hopefully being sober will help. It certainly couldn't hurt... I go to some AA meetings, but it's really not my bag...

[adore79]

allport, you sound a lot like me. I have no advice, just wanted to let you know that I can relate to a lot of what you are going through.

[StayinAlive]

i was on 3 different meds for 8 years, Got sober and weened off all meds. It really sucked for 3 to 5 months but my sober body started to work for itself making all the necessary chemical balances. That and lots of head work to go from a programed negative thinking pattern to slowly a positive one. Been sober for 16 months and depression/anxiety is a fading memory. I am so grateful.

Any way thats just my experience and i know you will find your balance. Hang in there, i know how painful depression is and frustrating it can be to find solutions.

[Isaiah]

I wouldn't wait anything out. Depression is cunning, baffling and powerful. Waiting might help but since you don't know what's getting at you who is to say it might not get worse? I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I think you might be better off taking this on.

What the cause could be is beyond me. I feel like I've been through what you went through. In my case I think my problem was that I didn't feel like anything was really changing when I started getting some real sobriety. Subconsciously or consciously I was really hoping that my ex would take me back, that my money problems would dissolve and etc., etc. It was rough finding out that sobriety wasn't idyllic and that caused me a lot of grief.

Actually, I wouldn't even say that I've figured out what is grinding me. I am still waiting for that breakthrough.

But try a few positive strides. You're watching your diet, that's fantastic. You're trying a counselor, that's also great. If it doesn't seem to be working try something else. Asking for medication change might not be a bad idea. Or maybe you need a different approach to therapy. Experiment. It's your life, treat it like a beautiful gift and see what makes you feel at peace with yourself.

[allport]

Thanks Isiah that was a really good reply.

I dont think in my case Im expecting things to change on their own, Ive been here before and I know it doesnt, I think maybe Ive given up on my ability to make things change.

I know its about changing my outlook and reaction to life, Ive just been out of the loop for so long I dont know where to start, fatigue and apathy dont help.

Im afraid to try because if things dont change I will be sorely tempted to go back to drinking, and if I do that I might as well jump off a bridge, it will be quicker and less painful.

But of course you are right its no good waiting things out, even if I take small steps Ive got to make the effort before things get worse,(which they generally do if you ignore them).

X

[huggybear]

could it be that you had anxiety but the drink countered it? and now your sober you feeling it more..

SSRI's can cause anxiety in some people... but its usualy some will and others wownt its a matter of seeing which ones right for you..

i didnt see a mention of which meds your on..
paroxetine is nutoriouse for causing anxiety..
also fluoxatine is very milde and may not be enough to treat you..

it could just be that your ajusting to sober life..
hope you get to grips with it soon..

[mxchaos]

maybe talk therapy isn't what you need have you thought about CBT or DBT therapy along with a med change may work. Both those therapies deal with teaching you skills to help relieve depression and anxiety. It's helped me deal much better with my emotions.

[yeahgr8]

Hi all

Me again! Well things are still fine and dandy:-) Started going to group therapy on Thursday nights, thats going on into this year. One of the lesser challenges is going to lunch with a work mate, to maybe get out and about at night in a normal social sense, which i have always avoided. It will be ok this year i think now i am sober, all i could offer last year was getting pissed up, hitting a casino and going home skint lol

Anyways little by little i guess, i have some grand plans for this year but have to keep myself from living the year in my head and tell my brain to shut the **** up and do something else at that moment.

it ain't easy but its so worthwhile!

good to be able to come here and post and read so thanks all for being here and helping:ghug

Oh yeah my counseller is convinced i have adult adhd and i might get meds for that but the psychiatrist want to wait till i see him on the 15th so will fill you in then!!

Hope you doing ok allport!