Alcohol has made me a complete nutcase

[missy123]

Basically I am a nutcase. I have a few problems when sober. But I am a nutcase, complete nutcase when drinking.

All the great things about me have disappeared. It's because of the alcohol.

Even if I fix myself people are still going to think I am a nutcase. I'm a complete embarrassment, I am a complete disgrace. And right now I completely hate myself.

I'm a nutcase because I have hurt someone so close to me who has given me the whole world. I hate myself because of it. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do.

All because I am a stupid alcoholic. All because I cannot control myself like normal people.

[HopeTo180]

Missy,
You don't hate yourself. You're hear reaching out for help, that proves it! I think you've decided to do something about your drinking and you've come to the right place. There are many here that were exactly where you are. I was there 115 days ago! I didn't think I could quit. After many attempts I finally changed my routine by fooling myself, changing my driving route and using all my weaknesses to pull off a sober and happy lifestyle. For me routine was the key. Change your routine and change yourself. Alcohol is a very easy trap to fall into. If it burnt you or shocked you, you'd run for the hills. It's deceptive "good feelings" suck you in for bitter disappointment.

Keep reading, keep posting. Prayers

[historyteach]

Originally Posted by missy123

Basically I am a nutcase. I have a few problems when sober. But I am a nutcase, complete nutcase when drinking.

All the great things about me have disappeared. It's because of the alcohol.

Even if I fix myself people are still going to think I am a nutcase. I'm a complete embarrassment, I am a complete disgrace. And right now I completely hate myself.

I'm a nutcase because I have hurt someone so close to me who has given me the whole world. I hate myself because of it. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do.

All because I am a stupid alcoholic. All because I cannot control myself like normal people.

(((Missy)))
You're not a "nutcase," an "embarrassment" nor a "disgrace."
You're an alcoholic.
And there is an answer to that problem, though it's not an easy one. It's quite simple though. It's the 12 Step program of AA. Through it you can learn how to live without alcohol; to get in touch with your Higher Power; and to take a continuous inventory of the self, to keep yourself on the right track. A sponsor will help you through those 12 Steps -- and away from any 13th steppers! LOL! You can google AA meetings to find one near you.

We have a forum above with the principles of the 12 step program and we also have each of the 12 steps in a sub forum. These serve as great helps, but, do not neglect face to face meetings and a real sponsor. A forum can never substitute for them, as a forum can never really reach your core and call you on your bs. And that is where you will get your support and your growth from. We also have nightly meetings for support, though most are not AA in format.

BTW, "normal" is a setting on a washing machine.
It doesn't exist in the human condition.

I hope you will give it a try. I know that you are hurting right now. This pain can and will end when you take the steps to make your life better. And yes, people will forgive you, once they see that you've made changes in your life. We humans are a very forgiving group of folks. Afterall. who among us is without fault?

Please let us know how you're doing. And if you decide to give it a try. We care.

Shalom!

[shugabooga]

missy123, i can totally relate. i have done things high that i would NEVER do sober. some are funny, but many are not.

don't hate yourself. pick yourself up and dust yourself off. ask forgiveness of the person you hurt. if you care enough about what you've done to be posting about it here, you have a good heart and a desire to grow and learn.

hang in there, sweetie!!!

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by missy123

Basically I am a nutcase. I have a few problems when sober. But I am a nutcase, complete nutcase when drinking.

All the great things about me have disappeared. It's because of the alcohol.

Even if I fix myself people are still going to think I am a nutcase. I'm a complete embarrassment, I am a complete disgrace. And right now I completely hate myself.

I'm a nutcase because I have hurt someone so close to me who has given me the whole world. I hate myself because of it. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do.

All because I am a stupid alcoholic. All because I cannot control myself like normal people.

WELCOME!!!

Most of us were complete nutcases when we were drinking.

If you get sober and stay sober, the people that mind won't matter, and the people that matter won't mind about what you did during your drinking career.

They will be happy that you're sober.

I am an alcoholic, but stupidity or intelligence has nothing to do with it. I was born an alcoholic, I became a practicing alcoholic when I started drinking, a recovering alcoholic when I stopped drinking. Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.