Walking around in a rage.

[gantz]

now that i have been sober for almost 3 months I have begun to really become introspective with myself and disposition in general.

One thing that has really been called to my attention is that I walk around angry alot. I say walk because i do not own a car and use the subway to get everywhere (or walk everywhere because that is usually easiest in my part of the world)

While I am walking it seems like ever person passing by pisses me off or I find something to be angry about or start talking trash about that person in my mind and point out to myself how I am better.

Looking in on myself I find these traits despicable, yet even when I am conscious of it I continue to do it daily.

any idea how to take more control of my angry mind? Or maybe how I can search deeper to see why I am like this?

[historyteach]

Welcome to the MH forums of SR, gantz!

Have you gone to meetings at all? Do you work a program? I ask because many say that alcoholism is a disease not just of the body but of the spirit. And working a program would address these issues that you abhore in yourself. Do you have a Higher Power? Are you in conscious contact with It?

And you may be suffering with PAWS - Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

PAWS is a set of impairments that occur immediately after withdrawal from alcohol or other substances. The condition lasts from six to eighteen months after the last use and is marked by a fluctuating but incrementally improving course. It has importance to the recovering addict's ability to benefit from recovery, treatment, function effectively on the job, interact with family and friends, and regain emotional health.

Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrom (PAWS)

And finally, you may have been self medicating a mental illness with your drinking. Of course, no one here is a doctor and only a doctor can diagnose. So, getting a good check up and talking openly with your doc is a good idea. Both depression and bipolar condition can manifest itself in rage. There are links on the top of the forum, in the research and information sticky, that may be helpful for you as you search for answers.

I hope this is helpful. Please continue to post and let us know how you're making out. We care.

Shalom!

[gantz]

Originally Posted by historyteach

Welcome to the MH forums of SR, gantz!

Have you gone to meetings at all? Do you work a program? I ask because many say that alcoholism is a disease not just of the body but of the spirit. And working a program would address these issues that you abhore in yourself. Do you have a Higher Power? Are you in conscious contact with It?

And you may be suffering with PAWS - Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrom (PAWS)

And finally, you may have been self medicating a mental illness with your drinking. Of course, no one here is a doctor and only a doctor can diagnose. So, getting a good check up and talking openly with your doc is a good idea. Both depression and bipolar condition can manifest itself in rage. There are links on the top of the forum, in the research and information sticky, that may be helpful for you as you search for answers.

I hope this is helpful. Please continue to post and let us know how you're making out. We care.

Shalom!

Well I have a bit of a unique situation where I live in japan as an american expat. there is only 3 AA meetings a week here in a city that is about 45 minutes away by train. I went to one but could not connect as everyone there was about 20 years older than me.

Alcoholism isnt really considered a bad thing here in japan as drinking is extremely rampant. admitting you are an alcoholic could even be seen as weak or most times laughed at. Oddly the same goes for sleep disorders and other mental illnesses here.

I pretty much came to the realization myself that i was drinking far too much and vowed to stop 3 months ago and havent drank since.

I have been to psychologists in america and was never diagnosed with any mental illnesses. Once in a while I get a little craving for alcohol again but at this point it is pretty easy to block it out (compared to the first couple of weeks that I quit which was hell).

I will definitely check out more about PAWS as you mentioned. I would like to go to a psychologist here but sadly that is not something ever covered by japanese health insurance as mental illness is rarely recognized or considered a dirty secret. Not to mention finding a psychologist who speaks in my native language is nearly impossible.

[historyteach]

Is there an American consulate there where you are?
They may be able to help you find someone helpful.

I commend you on your successful quit, and hope you can continue through this difficult phase of your sobriety. Remember, PAWS doesn't last forever, though, I hear it can *feel* that way. We have an AA forum and an Alcoholism forum, upon which you can get wonderful support. And there are meetings quite often now, here in the chat room. I hope you will take advantage of them. I understand that they are going quite well.

As always, it's important to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. These components of the self make up who we are and all need attention in order for us to be fully healthy. So please remember to be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you would to a good friend going through a tough period, ok?

And please continue to let us know how you're doing. We care.

Shalom!

[Stubborn1]

I do that. I have to make myself find good. I really put an effort into finding humor in things that would otherwise tick me off.
It's so easy to get pissed anymore. It's more of a chore to find humor or goodness. If someone is pissy with me I make it a game more or less to see if I can turn them around.
Most of the time I think people are being nasty and then they surprise me by doing something nice.

[historyteach]

Stubborn,
Your post made me think of an old post I had put up a while back. So, I looked it up and I'm repsting it here:

Things aren't always what they appear to be...

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.
One morning while they are eating breakfast,
the young woman looks out her kitchen window and
sees the next door neighbor hanging out her wash.

'That laundry is not very clean', she said, 'I don't
think she knows how to wash correctly, or
perhaps she needs a better laundry detergent.'

The husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang out her wash, the
young woman would make the same comment.

About 2 weeks later, the woman was surprised one morning
to see a nice clean wash on her neighbor's clothesline and
said to her husband, 'Look, she has finally learned how
to wash correctly. It's about time!'

Her husband replied, 'Hon, I got up early this morning
and cleaned our kitchen windows.'

And so it is with life: What we see while watching
others depends on the purity of the window through
which we look.

Shalom!

[gantz]

Originally Posted by historyteach

Is there an American consulate there where you are?
They may be able to help you find someone helpful.

I commend you on your successful quit, and hope you can continue through this difficult phase of your sobriety. Remember, PAWS doesn't last forever, though, I hear it can *feel* that way. We have an AA forum and an Alcoholism forum, upon which you can get wonderful support. And there are meetings quite often now, here in the chat room. I hope you will take advantage of them. I understand that they are going quite well.

As always, it's important to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. These components of the self make up who we are and all need attention in order for us to be fully healthy. So please remember to be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you would to a good friend going through a tough period, ok?

And please continue to let us know how you're doing. We care.

Shalom!

thanks historyteach. I actually have been in the Alcoholism forum for a while. Thats where I first started and got loads of support from this forum. I have been here ever since but this is my first thread on this part of the forum because I thought now that I am sober it is time to start tackling some mental issues.

I wish the consulate was close, but it is in tokyo which is an expensive 2 hour trip away on the bullet train.

Although I think I will try to join this new chat you speak of. Every little bit helps.

Also about taking care of myself...ever since the the day I stopped drinking I put together a workout regiment and diet and have stuck to that as well as my sobriety. I got my body fat down to 8 percent and workout 5 times a week. This definitely feels way better than being drunk and I use it as another motivator to keep me dry.