Hating life.

[deerwalk]

I can't take anymore. Even the simplest of pleaseures are denied me. My so called friends have turned out to be selfish and narcissistic. CALL THIS A PITY PARTY! That's exactly what an extremely depresssed person needs to hear. I am sick of the endless disappointments. Tired of being lied to. Tired of being invalidated and told what's what by people who don't give a damn about how I feel. I am sick to death of it and I can't take anymore.

I am sick of crazy people thinking they can barge into my life when they are clearly unwanted. I can't take anymore glib cliches about how I have to make myself feel better and how it's all my fault that I feel horrible everyday. People who have NOO IDEA what I am going through. I am sick of the insensitivity of people who have jobs, money, partners, and extra cash for funand games- which I DON"T because I cannot for the life of me get hired anywhere, telling me it's my attitude problem. I am ready to quit.

[jurneyman]

Deerwalk, I just wanted to welcome you, acknowledge your post and to let you know that many of us including myself, have had to go through very similar periods of frustration, and anger, at people, places, and life situations over which for the moment we have no control over.

Would you tell me if at the present time you are under a DRs care, and if you are taking any medication to help you cope with what you are struggling with in your life. If you have posted this information before, I am sorry to have to ask again because I had missed it, but it so important to have understanding support from knowledgeable people that you can talk to face to face, who really care about what you are going through, and want to help.

[deerwalk]

I am unemployed. Even when I had a job I could not afford therapy. I tried the free therapy through a psychology school and it was disastrous and harmful to me. I cannot take meds, as everything I've tried, in several combinations have put me into a suicidal depression. I can't even afford the sliding scale fee on my current unemployment and besides that, on the cheap end I have had bad luck with therapists- actually on both ends of the spectrum as far as price goes. I have very little respect for that community at this point as it seems they give out textbook answers, or are non responsive and just want what little money I can put together. I also have an enormous issue with meds not only because of my negative reaction but the fact that my parents forced me to take an antipsychotic when I was only ten years old that was very bad for me and considered experimental at the time because of their embarassment at my Tourette's Syndrome. I was made to feel like a freak, by the very people that were supposed to care for me. I was specifically told by my mother that she and my father were too ashamed to be seen with me and I was to take the meds. Then again, she also used stabbed my bedroom door with a knife for fun, and acted like there was someting wrong with me when I didn't see the humor in it, at 12 years old.

[adore79]

I'm sorry you are feeling bad tonight hon, it really frustrates me when people dont understand or dont even try to understand.

Unemployment sucks, there is not much else to say, I would love just a minimum wage job if I could get, but cant even find one of those.

That also sucks about your friends. I dont know what I can say to make you feel better but just know that you are not alone and there are people who care about you.

Never give up!

[Vintersemestre]

You and I are in the same position, only difference is I'm not suicidally depressed anymore. Meds have helped me about 30%... my therapists are good. That's the thing about Canada. All of this is free. I'm currently unemployed too. If you need someone to talk to I'm always here for a fellow depressive.

[justjo]

Hi Sweetie
Please message me if you want to. It is a very lonely place when we feel we have no one we can trust. You mentioned you suffered from Tourette's Syndrome. This alone can be extremely stressful. There are many wonderful people in here ready to listen hon.
Jo

[historyteach]

(((Deer)))

Come and talk it out as often as you need to.
It's a difficult life when we're depressed and no one seems to care or understand. But, we at SR do care.

Keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings can be very helpful. Why not start one? You can do it right here if you'd like. And you'd get feedback from others who understand and wouldn't put you down. But, just understand, we're not professionals; anything we say is our own experience, strength and hope.

I'm so sorry that your parents were less than supportive when you were growing up. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose our parents; many of us would have choosen differently if we could have. But, we do have the opportunity to nurture that wounded child within us. It hurts reliving the times in our lives, but, in the end, it helps. We come out stronger people, and more loving and compassionate.

I look forward to getting to know you.

Shalom!

[deerwalk]

Thanks for your responses. I started a blog (journal) as suggested. It will likely be repetitive and depressing, however that's my life right now. I wish to god I'd been an abortion.

[Vintersemestre]

Come now, if you'd been an abortion no one would have that pretty deer painting to look at.

[deerwalk]

Hahah, they'd have better ones to look at! Thanks though, you made me laugh

[historyteach]

(((deerwalk)))

You are a beautiful child of G*D.
You are meant to enjoy all the wonders and the beauty this world has to offer.

As you started a journal,
Why not consider a gratitude journal too?

It is amazing, when we stop and think about it, how very much we have to be grateful for in this world. The sun rises each morning, giving us a new opportunity; new choices. What choices can you make today to help yourself?

I'm glad you're here.
And I look forward to getting to know you.

Shalom!

[Vintersemestre]

Well it's better than the thing's I've painted, I'll see if I can dig them out of the basement and post them. All except one of them are utterly vile.

[deerwalk]

I don't believe it. Even the worst paintings always have good qualities even if they don't live up to our expectations... That would be so great of you posted them!