Some questions about bipolar...

[unholy_mess]

Hi everyone,
I'm rather recently diagnosed as bipolar NOS. When I have a problem, I tend to educate myself as much as possible about the issue, so I've read tons of books on the disorder (I'm also working on my PhD in Psychology/Neuroscience, so I do have a pretty good knowledge of at least the chemistry of this disorder). But books just can't tell me this. I'm very academically educated, but it's difficult to be 'practically' educated.
I'm 23, I'm in graduate school and some days I have a hard time with this. I get very frustrated with having to be so vigilant and I often wish this wasn't my life. I try very hard to remind myself that it IS my life and that I DO have this to contend with and the best way to handle it is to keep seeing my psychiatrist and keep taking my drugs and keep being honest about what's happening. But it's still SO frustrating.
Wondered if anyone out there who is dealing with this has felt the same way? Any advice or tips for living with this? I know it's here for the rest of my life. I know that it's just a part of me. And I know that I can make positive choices every day to make my life better. But it's just so tempting to fall back on my addict ways and use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate when I'm frustrated.
Anyone dealt with this? Any suggestions as to what to do?
I really want to be positive but I'm really frustrated tonight. Some days I can roll with it and just accept that it's my life and be positive because the alternative of being negative sucks and gets me nowhere but sad...but sometimes (like tonight) I fall prey to the alternative. I'm going to try to do some yoga and meditate awhile...but I'd love some input on if/how any of you deal with such feelings?
There's only so much our medication can control. My moods are pretty stable, generally speaking, but when I think about how much I have to worry about exactly what I'm feeling...when I'm in a good mood, I think, is this good too good? is this energy too much energy?...and when I'm bummed, I think, is this too sad? am I too down?...it's just so much.
I'm sorry. I'm so whiny tonight (pity part for me! feel free to not celebrate ). Basically, I just want to know if anyone has felt this? If so, what do you do?
I love this community...and despite my shi**y mood tonight, I'm thankful for a group of people who have stood in my place and are far wiser than me. This is a great place and you all are great for all you do for each other

[jurneyman]

Hi UM, I am not trying to challenge your diagnoses, but I was misdiagnosed for almost 20 years, because the PDr's did not know about BI-Polar II, and I didn't either until I learned of it on this site. From this and other boards when I was researching my own diagnoses, I found that many of the Bi-Polar NOS's where actually Bi-Polar II's, because until recently it wasn't an accepted form of depression.

Just two more questions, how long have you been clean and sober, do you consider yourself an alcoholic or an addict, if you are, you could investigate having a dual depressive disorder, that would include a substance abuse problem, along with one of the forms of Bi-Polar, again it is not my place to diagnose you, but I had to add to my diagnoses, the misuse of alcohol and drugs.

What medications are you taking at the present, when was your last manic episode, what made you realize or think you were in an uncontrollable state? Please do not take for granted your first diagnoses. Bi-Polar is not the old manic-depression, it has many different forms, and I am just trying to save you from years of pain and frustration of trial and error, that I had to suffer through.

Bi-Polar no matter what form, must be regulated with the proper medication. What might help one form, could be life threatening if used for another. What saved me from myself, was researching and finding a PDr who was educated on all the various types of depression. This is what was suggested to me, and I am just passing it on. Research help's, but the final decision should be put into the hands of a competent professional.

[historyteach]

Hi, Unholy Mess,

Jurneyman has given you some very good information.
Thanks, Jurney!

I suggest you take a look at these two sites to fully grasp the complexity of bipolar II diagnoses.
Dr Jim Phelps has a great site here, where he fully explains the entire concept of the bipolar continuum:
Bipolar II, Mood Swings without Mania; Brain Tours; Stress and Depression; Hormones and Mood; and more...

ANd here's a great site from the NY Times
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-ny-times.html (Bipolar information from the NY Times)

It will take some time to get through the both of them, but, they are full of important information. Feel free to post any ideas or questions that may arise.

As for suggestions as how to live with your diagnoses, there are a few that have been found to be helpful.
Keep a mood journal. This will help you discover how and when things effect you and if there are any patterns to your mood swings. On the journal, keep track of your meds. This allows you to see their effect. It will also allow your doc to adjust your meds more effectively.
And if you add your food and exercise, you will be able to witness, first hand, the benefits of proper nutrition and exercise on the disease.

Also, be sure to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Eat nutritionally; avoid processed food, too much caffine, trans fats and other unhealthy junk foods. Exercise regularly.
Try to learn new things. It doesn't have to be rocket science, but, keeping fit mentally is important for our well being. And it adds to our self esteem.
Be gentle with yourself. Don't beat up on yourself if you're not perfect. None of us are. Self affirmations and treating ourselves from time to time are healthy life patterns. Make use of them.
Get in touch with your spirituality. If you already are, dig deeper. Honor your relationship with the Universe, or your Higher Power, whatever you refer to that Power as.

All of these measures are known to help. None of them are cures. But, every bit that we can do for ourselves is a positive good. These tools, along with our docs; our meds; and counseling if needed; can lead to a healthy and positive life.

Remember too that every life has its problems. Even people without mental health issues suffer from emotional turmoil when life hits them hard. So, not every set back will be a direct result of your illness, though it may be, too.

Only you, in connection with your doctor, can determine specifics during the course of treatment. You and your doc are partners in your health. So, be sure to be honest and share what's going on with him/her. It's the only way that your doc can effectively help you.

I guess these are the best tips I can think of to help in your recent diagnoses. I'm sure others will come along and help too, with more ideas.

I hope you enjoy the readings. I found them to be very helpful! Let me know what you think, ok?

Shalom!

[unholy_mess]

Thanks for the responses and help!
With regard to your questions, JM--I've been sober for about 5 months. I do consider myself an addict/alcoholic in the sense that I have a tendency to misuse when I'm having mood issues. When stable, I never really got drunk, didn't use drugs, etc. But now I just avoid it altogether because it's just best right now.
I'm currently on Lamictal (200mg), Wellbutrin (300mg), and Seroquel (12.5mg as needed for insomnia...which is currently pretty frequent).
My last "manic" episode, where I felt truly out of control, was right before my doctor started thinking we may have "uncovered" something cyclic...(this is my general internist doctor, not the psychiatrist)...I was put on Zoloft for anxiety and realized I was out of control when I was getting 2 hours of sleep, couldn't stop my brain, and was so angry and irritable that I almost broke my hand when I punched a tree because a friend had to cancel dinner plans because of some unexpected business meeting. I went to my doctor the next day, she took me off the Zoloft and sent me to a psychiatrist.

HT--thanks for the references...will check them out as soon as I finish the mounds of grading and homework I have for the weekend! I do try to eat as healthy as possible and get in at least 30 mins of exercise a day...definitely no caffeine for this girl! It makes me jittery under the best of circumstances!
Thanks so much for the help!!
Oh, and by the way, I noticed you frequently say "take what you need and leave the rest"...are you quoting The Night they Drove Old Dixie Down?? Every time I read that that song gets stuck in my head