Depression, Anxiety, early in recovery

[Pam08]

I am very early in recovery from Alcohol. This is day 8 for me, been struggling with this for months now. I am putting all I have in me to make it. I so want that 30 day chip. Anyway. To me it is so confusing, is it the quitting drinking that I feel this way, am I that depressed, or anxiety, or combination. How do we figure out exactly what is going on inside of our minds. When I am around people, I seem to be fine, as I was for a couple days this past weekend. I come home and back down I go. I need to find work and don't have the umph to do it. I need to clean and do stuff here, but just do not seem to be able to do anything I need to do. I am on welbutrin and do not beleive it is doing a thing for me. I go see the nurse in a couple weeks and will see about that. People talk about depression, anxiety, bi polar, etc etc. Such confusing stuff when you are feeling you have no clue what is wrong. I have felt horrible bout me for along time and it is not lifting, I feel like I lost that desire to do stuff I need to do. But I am willing and okay to do what I did last weekend. and that was volunteer work. I need a paycheck, husband cut me off...How do I motivate me, get myself out of this rut, In my head I think if I was working making some money I would feel better, but here i am, still not working. Any suggestions appreciated, or anyone whom can connect.

[MCake]

Hi Pam,

A lot of people experience depression and anxiety during early recovery; this may have both physical and psychological components. Our bodies are dependent on alcohol, so it takes a while it to settle down and re-adapt. And of course the stress of learning new coping mechanisms, demands, coupled with other psych. features, exacerbate the situation.

So, generally speaking, it's not wise to diagnose any conditions during early recovery. I urge you to consult a health care provider (seeing that you're on psych. meds, preferably a psychiatrist) to make sure you're on the right path. Also, therapy - used to address specific issues - can be a very enriching complement for your current recovery program.

Rest reassured, you should start feeling better as your recovery progresses and consolidates. Good luck

[ClimbingUP]

Pam--I think you and I are mental twins, because I am going through the exact same thing as you. I have about 15 days sober and I'm struggling with depression. I feel lethargic every day. I know that if I just get myself up and do something productive, that it'll set off a positive chain reaction in my brain. It almost feels like I have an invisible blanket that covers me and keeps me down.

I'm also not working right now and I'm not being social at all, which doesn't help. I did make myself go out for a run today and I'm going to be starting a martial arts program soon too. If you don't exercise, I would absolutely suggest that you start. I really do feel so much better now that I've gone out for a run. Sunshine, fresh air and endorphins. What I really need to do is go out for a run first thing in the morning to start the day right. I'm also looking into low cost therapy. Anti-depressants usually take about 3 weeks to kick in, so if you've just gotten on wellbutrin, give it a chance. Although, it might not be the most effective drug for you. I was on celexa for a while, and that was the only medication that worked for me.

Good luck and know you're not alone!!

[puterdude]

Pam, first of all congrats on your sobriety! I'm on day 4 and I identify with your feelings.

I know we say "one day at a time" a lot but it is important to keep that in mind.

As Matt said, it is probably difficult to make any mental health diagnosis during an early recovery phase. As always, that is best left for a doctor, however, I will say for me, I am an anxiety disorder sufferer, and I know I used alcohol to manage the symptoms. I cut back on my drinking significantly back in April 2008, and have quit completely for only 4 days, however, I see the clear benefits in my emotional state as a result.

Your volunteer work is awesome! I know you need a paycheck but if you can keep up the volunteer work in the interim that would be a great thing for you!

What I find is I have a rebound effect of sorts from a depression perspective both seasonally (fall/winter months bring me down as do the holiday season) and when I don't drink I find that I am clear minded to think about the issues in my life, of which I have many. Those issues are difficult and bring me down indeed. I believe that I will be successful in sobriety if I can resolve the underlying issues that face me. I don't think I am alone in that requirement...

I'm in your corner...

--mike

[Pam08]

Thank you all for responding. Glad to see that this is i guess normal. I do work out everyday for the most part. stepper. I just finished. It does help. And looking at my issues, yes I do more then ever, my mind is constantly churning. why I felt better when i would drink or atl east the start of it, til I went overboard which was every time. I am off to AA shortly, that is one thing during the day that does make me feel good. Thank you all so much for being here for me ... btw do you take anything for anxiety, what i take is for depression, and have heard worsens the anxiety. Luv to all here.

[Vintersemestre]

Major depression hit me like a ton of bricks a few weeks after I quit opiates... I've had it before though. I think most of us have. Seems to be in remission now, though... SEEMS...

[CatWings]

I am on day 12 and the last two days I have been hit with crushing depression. I now see why I self-medicated with marijuana and worry that I will have to go back to it if this depression thing because a permanent state again.

I think my initial symptoms of being all over the place were due to acute withdrawal symptoms, which have now subsided.

But I am willing to give it some time to find out.

I am picking up a new med, Risperdal to add to my Lamictal. I cannot take regular antidepressants due to bipolar mania when on them, so I hope this works out.

But the depression definitely feels mental rather than situational.

I am hoping this is a brain thing and a readjustment, and if I stick with it, it will get better. I hope my new med helps as well. I need all the help I can get to stay clean and sober.

Maybe the fact that the reward center of the brain is not getting turned on as it used to, is rebelling with depression and it will pass. I hope so.

Good luck to you!

Cat

[Eleison]

Remember that you've been suppressing feelings with the alcohol. Now you're faced with the raw feelings beneath. It's the same when you come out from behind any defence mechanism. I know when I started to penetrate behind my dissociation... But try to hold onto how as you flow with your process of facing yourself, you become more real and more in touch with life - for yourself, for others.

[unholy_mess]

Hi there...I've been in a similar state of mind. Talking with the shrink, we brought up the possibility that my alcohol/drug use was a way of controlling my crazy moods (I'm bipolar). His suggestion was to quit drinking, get on the medicine, let it start to work (2 weeks to perhaps over a month), and see if the urge was still there to drink and use to the point of total obliteration, if so, off to addiction specialists. 2 1/2 months into treatment, it's not so much there anymore (though through years of use, I have convinced myself that that's what's going to make me feel better, so it's still a bit of a struggle every day...so I still lay off the drinking and still consider myself an alcoholic) One of the things my psychiatrist always says to me is that I'm too much up in my head and I need to come out and focus on life outside. I hate it when he says that...I'm like...no s sherlock, of course I am! But sometimes, when I make a conscious effort to come down out of that swirly mess up there, I do feel a little better.
I take Lamictal, Wellbutrin and Seroquel (for insomnia). Wellbutrin works great for me as my depressions are very low energy, low motivation and Wellbutrin is one of the more stimulating ADs (it's dopaminergic) but interestingly one of the least likely to send me spinning off into hypomania. Years ago I took Paxil for anxiety...worked for awhile, but eventually just stopped (though the shrink tells me that sometimes happens with bipolar--was undiagnosed at the time).
You're doing great...stick with it and stick with a support community who knows what you're dealing with...that's a great help. And the fact that you're making an effort is fantastic! Volunteer work is wonderful and I think that's great that you're doing it! Good luck!

[familyhonors]

I am proud of everyone here. In medical school I learned that the only way to really work on troubles with depression/anxiety or substance abuse is to address them both at the same time. Keep at it. Hold on.

[Freedom1990]

For me, I had to get a solid footing in my recovery from alcoholism/addictions before I could even address the mental issues.

Today I realize that I suffer from clinical depression and I do take medications for it, along with counseling and active participation in my own recovery in a 12 step group.