Need help helping others understand mental health

[sunflower1776]

Hi everyone! I have posted infrequently in this forum as I am a dual-diagnosis with opiate addiction adn spend most of my time there. But now I need help from those of you with experience.

I have suffered with depression since I was a child, but did not start anti-d until I was 25. I was a very moody child, had middle-child syndrome to the tee!. So I stayed on anti-d for a few years then decided to stop. Go figure I chose to go off them at one of the worst times in my family's life, but I got through it. But afterwards I sank into a deep depression adn started up again. I have been on more anti-d than I can count. A few years ago I was diagnosed as bipolar II. I don't know if I just was in denial that I was anything other than depression, but I was very hesitant about taking any other meds. I ended up agreeing on a few different mood stabilizer (not anti-psychotics). My friends knew I struggled, and my lows were so low that I would call in to work for a 1 at a time (I'm an RN). I started abusing medications like nyquil and other OTC drugs similar (cough medicine). If I had bronchitis I always asks for tussinex--a great codein cough medicine. HHowever, it did' tbother me once I ran out--did' feel like i needed it. Until I start taking pills, that's where it all went down hill and I've abused opiate for the last 2 years--up to 20-40 15mg oxys daily. I would work high, everyday of my life I had to be loaded up in order to be able to get anything done. It was when I finally emotionally collapsed and revealed it to my family that my life was coming to an end. I did not think I could ever be functional again. Fortuatnely now, I am living at my parent's house--2 hours away from where I was living.

The point of starting this thread (that I almost forgot!) Is that my best friend is having a realy hard time understanding why I can't just pull up my bootstraps and suck it up (my 2 least fav sayings!). I've tried explaining it in al ways possible but she really isn't getting it. She thinks that I am allowing myself stay depressed and I'm not going out there trying to get better. I told her she had no clue how bad I was when I went to detox. I truly felt like I wold never feel better at anytime in my lifef. She is a very religious person, and I think this is what makes a difference as well. However, the problem I have with her not understanding is that she was bulemic up until a few years ago. Bulemia , like drugs ancohol is a disease as well. Really I'm just asking for help from anyone who they have had to explain this to. I livein FL and was supposed to go see her in Chicago this past Wed. I decided on Tues night that I couldn't go--I didn't feel physically (from the drugs) or mentally (from teh depression). I had a conversation ont he phone with her on Tuesday and I think that is what made me call off the trip--she just reiterated how I need to suck it up and look at eachday as a gift. That is so much easier said than done. I do try to do that, but you hit rock bttom, things aren't going to change in the blink of an eye. Also. she does not believe that mental health issues are considered diseaes. the real problem I hav with this is that sh was bulemic for years--aren't eatin diorders considred disease as well? I'mjust confused becuae I am heart broken that I didn't go up there--I told her it's because I just still don't feel strong enough. Her 2 yr old girl is my godaughter who I have seen only times. She also has a 1 yr old girl that I haven't seen since she was 2 weeks old. My friend was doing everything possible to keep my day dull so that I would not have too much downtime. I think if we had had a better talk the day before I was to leave, it may have been differen, but because she was still not truly realizing the severit of what happened, I was feeling like I may disappoint her up there if I were to have a bad day or deal with strong need to use.
So, after this rambling, does anyone have any suggestions on approaching this with her? We've been best friends for so long and she has been there with me through some rough times. No one, not even here, knew about the addiction until I was told I had to go to detox. then only my family and 2 choice friends found out about it. Actually I was so nervous about tellig her I could'nt even call her for a week because I as ashamed. So, my qusestion to you all, if you are willing to help, is to give me some guidance on how to handle this situation. i want her to understand so badly. I helped her the best I could through her eating disorder, and she credits me with helping her. Any and all suggestions are appreciated!!1

[historyteach]

My thoughts only are to send her a link from any reputable source, such as the NY Times guide on bipolar listed above in the stickies, or www.psyched.org, or the mayo clinic or www.nami.com .

It also occures to me that she is not being very much of a friend to you. You've helped her during her hard time. She's not there for you? Yes, eating disorders are a mental illness. And yes, they kill, if not treated, just as your mental illness can. That's why it's important that people with mental illness learn to care for themselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Somtimes others cannot, or will not, take the time and effort to learn about mental illness. You cannot convince them to do so. You can only take care of yourself. Please do so.

I look forward to getting to know you.

Shalom!

[shutterbug]

She can look up the stats....

about 80 percent of bipolars are also addicts.
1 in 5 will commit suicide.
It (depression and mental illness) has been known to be biologically based for 100's if not thousands of years.
Depression was once revered as an 'upper-class' diagnosis (in the 1700's or 1800's) b/c there has been proven to be a connection to higher intelligence and creativity.

It is passed through family lines....thru the generations.
There are lists after lists of famous poets, musicians, writers, scientists and other inventors with mental illnesses of the depressive and mood types, and usually with severe addictions.

I'm a broken record in the forum for suggesting the book "A Brilliant Madness" by actor Patty Duke about her bipolar I disorder, major depression, suicide attempts and alcohol and pill addictions. Every other chapter is written by her and the others by her psychologist who provides wonderful information about the illness.

If you can....buy her a copy and send it to her ($8.95 for a new copy and as little as $1, plus shipping for used copies through Barnes and Noble's web site). If she's a real friend...she will read it and want to at least give the benefit of the doubt to being open about learning what she doesn't understand right now.

Her view of our illness (i'm also Bipolar II, rapid cycler) is why I've been fired from 2 newspapers in the past 4 years...and why the stigmas of mental illness is still so strong to this day.

If she isn't willing to make the effort to read the book....as you needing her to try and understand why what she says hurts and is actually cruel.....then she is not a true friend of any kind.

there is a reason why creative people tend to struggle with depression, bipolar disorder, addictions, ect., And actually, the person who created the steps toward making a computer into a reality....was a family member of Lord Byron....who's whole family is sooooo littered with mental illness and addictions. He wrote genius prose....she wrote genius electronic machinery thingy's. We wouldn't have computers, cell phones, DVD players, digital cameras, ....any and all other computer based electronics of our modern day world if not for a severly mentally ill family of genius who struggled gravely and several committed suicide. (This is all talked about in the book called "Touched With Fire"....and another good one is "An Unquite Mind" -- tho both are quite technical and more difficult reads. Another good one is "A Noonday Deman - An Atlas of Depression" tho that one took me about a year to work my way thru b/c it is soooo historically and technically based, but it is the one that talks about depression once actually being revired as an 'upper-class' illness that many would actually TRY to get diagnosed with "melancholy" - thier word for depression back then....since they saw the connection of the higher and more creative intelligence levels associated with melancholy).

NO real doctor or scientist argues about the biological based origin of depression and mental illness these days....it's been overly proven throughout history to be totally unquestionable.

hugs,
Jenna

p.s. i'm not a doc, just a self-educated mental health consumer.
p.s.s. I'm also a recipient of 23 shock treatments this past year for my 3rd life episode of major depression.
p.s.s.s I've also found, and been confirmed by my neuro-psychologist/psychiatrist, that the mood stabalizer Lamictal is one that a large number of bipolar II's have found useful, including myself, since it also successfully addresses the very real physical pain of major depression, stabalizes while also acting to help boost the anti-d's, and helps with some anxiety also (sometimes is prescribed solely for pain management and sometimes solely for ADHD).

[liesagain]

shutterbug, you are a wealth of information.......
thank you for your posts

[sunflower1776]

Shutterbug---I just read your reply to my thread posted a few weeks ago, and I want to say thank you for what you said. My friend and I actually have not talked since the day I told her I wasn't coming to visit. I sent her an email or 2 as well as a text message. She did call last week adn leave me a message saying that she understands and just wants me to be the person I was when we met--the beautiful, fun, intelligent person she knows i am (that's what she said). We still have not talked as she has been on vacation this past week, and I have been busy with school (though these are only excuses). I sent her an email today asking her to let me know when she'd be available to talk (since she has 2 little ones, I like to know I'll have uninterrupted time). Anyway, I really hope it goes well. I love her to death--we have different views, and I hope to be able to not necessarily get her to believe the way I do but rather to get her to understand how I am feeling and what I am going through.

Thanks for info about Lamictal--I'm on 200mg daily-have been for a year or two. Also on Geodon 100mg daily and xanax 1 mg 3x/day as needed. Going through trying to get me stabilized right now as we keep having to change the meds due to bad side effects (swelling, rashes). I think we're getting there!
Sorry for the late response, but thank you again for your response!

[liveweyerd]

I have had no success with it. So, now I simply say I have medical problems and sometimes say that I am sick and that without my medicines I will die.

I try not to mention it at all.

Anyone who gets to know me, knows I have a caring, kind and compassionate personality. That should be enough for them. IMO