my life is a mess

[mxchaos]

bipolar out of control anorexia out of control and I'm moving into my own place in two weeks. I already miss my kids. I thought staying sober would fix things but my life feels so out of control I don't know what to do.

[zendust]

I feel like I'm in the same boat...different situations...but similar feelings. I have no answers, only to keep doing the next right thing to the best of my ability.

Being sober may not necessarily "fix" things...but getting drunk will, without a doubt, mess things up further. Think you're in pain now...add a little alcohol and watch your life become a disaster movie...fast.

[nandm]

Zen is definately right, drinking won't fix things and most likely will only make your problems worse.

It has taken me years after I quit drinking to get my BP to a managable state and even today I still at times struggle with it. Drinking did a lot of damage to my body and I am sure my mind. Do hang in there. If you are not already in some sort of therapy I encourage you to do so. It really can help.

I am sorry you are struggling so right now.

[mxchaos]

I'm in constant contact with my doc but I just can't beat this. anorexia has me starving to die and manic depression has my brain all twisted. the only thing I've managed was to stay sober but how long can I keep that up.going down with no way out

[shutterbug]

have you thought about a day treatment program? or ECT? or even going into a mental health and/or addiction recovery hospital for a week or longer?

Actually, with the additional struggle with anerexia, I would suggest looking into what in-patient programs are available in your area. Some are state-funded and there are many awsome private in-patient programs if you have health insurance.

Are you active in AA?
Have you looked for any bipolar support groups in your area?
What about anerexia support groups?

These things are so much for any one person to handle on their own. There is NO shame in seeking help from doctors and from others dealing with the same issues. These are illnesses....no different than any physical illnesses. You need to treat them the same as you would any physical illness (except, instead of physicans, by visiting with specialized docs like psychiatrists, psychologists, dieticians/nutritionists and those educated in addiction issues).

I don't remember if you've mentioned what meds you are currently taking for the BP? Have you talked with a pdoc about Lamictal, or tried it before? It and other meds have been found to help with compulsion and addiction issues. And if you are BP II, it has been found to work quite well as a mood stablizer b/c it doesn't make us feel as flat and bogged down as most do. It also helps with pain. I rarely ever have headaches when on it...and it SOOOO helps nearly relieve my depression-related body aches.

Anyway, i'm not a doc, so just suggestions and info from a fellow BP.

hugs,
Jenna

[mxchaos]

I have help but my brain is such a mess I can't get even a little stable. I don't eat my meds don't work I eat and the voice tell me i'm fat and should die can't win stuck in dispair

[zendust]

mx, if I may make a suggestion...and it may seem real silly, but just try it.

Sit still, get quiet. Meditate. Here is a link on how to meditate.

But even if this is too complicated, just get quiet. Get in a comfortable, upright position. Your mind will be racing, but that's ok. You are just going to get quiet for 10 minutes.

Do not close your eyes, just lower them and look down about two or three feet in front of you. Begin to with an inhale through your nose, feel its texture as it passes down into your lungs, then begin to exhale, again pay attention. To help with the racing mind, try counting the inhale as "one" and the exhale as "two", the next inhale will be "three" and so on. You will lose track and your racing mind will interrupt. This is to be expected. The aim here is simply to get quiet and still for a little bit. Your mind will relax...it is a natural state.

If you stick to this little practice daily...just ten minutes a day...I guarantee you, you will feel more calm and be able to make better decisions.

I found meditation at a point in my life that I thought I was going to die. I was alcoholic, bulimic and alone, very much alone. My mind couldn't stop racing. The pain was unbearable. But I was introduced to meditation, and I began to think more clearly and make better decisions about getting help.

[mxchaos]

I have a doc appointment today and I'm scared he'll want me to go back into the hospital, anorexia is bad so is the manic depression. my meds just aren't working right.

[espresso]

Maybe that's what you need to get well. Please keep the appointment to see what he has to say.There may be alternatives you haven't considered.
You deserve so much more than what you are experiencing right now.

[Latte]

I have issues with absorbtion and I often ask for liquid meds or the ones that are instant release because the long acting ones don't work. Those nifty antiD's that are XL etc. don't work for me and it took me awhile to find ones that did.

As far as food goes, I don't have the same issues that you do with actually eating but with eating enough because I just don't feel hungry. I found that I had to take classes of nutrition. I also had to work on my self esteem so that I could feel good about how I look. Fat, thin whatever...I had to feel good about who I was before I felt I was worth anything. Part of those feelings were staying clean and sober.

We have a Double Trouble meeting in my area (mental health/addiction) and those are the best meetings for me. They are only once a week but they are so worth it. Hanging out with people who are actively dealing with both issues at once has really helped me.

[Thanks2HP]

I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles. I can relate to feeling like your life is a mess. I don't have BP but I do suffer from depression.

I hope you are able to get the help you need. Just wanted to write a word or two of encouragement and let you know I care.

[mxchaos]

well the new med is starting to work I feel a little better.
today aI start a new life living alone
wish me luck

[historyteach]

Good luck, mxchaos!
And remember, it's one day at a time!
It may not be exactly what you want, but,
You can get through this with your head held high,
and come out shinning!
We're here with you, each step of the way!

Shalom!

[Fulldresser4]

Hi MX,

Glad to hear the meds are starting to work for you. Remember, one day (hour, minute) at a time. I know it has to be overwelming for you. But I KNOW that you can do this!!! PM me if you'd like.

[espresso]