The only sane voice in an insane world ....

[barb dwyer]

... and if you believe that ....
make your checks payable to Barb Dwyer...

ok seriously...

(brief update)

I'm still not working,
out of savings, out of everything,
and going the SSI route.

*sigh*

In filing all this paperwork ...
we learn that -
I was never legally divorced from the child molestor.
This is ... twenty years ago, peeps.
My Social Security has been messed up for that long.
So now there's all sorts of reps , offices, and things need
doing to get this in order and up to date.

ok -

nedless to say -
I froze up
and sister PTSD fanned into flame again.

This has been three months in the going now.

So -
I'm online today to find him with the sexual predator registry
because I have to serve him with divorce papers.
Twenty years later.

I'm hypervigilant again ...
but the neighbors are benefitting from that one.
One neighbor is having trouble with her shoulder
and she's been driving me all over town for legal meetings etc...
so this weekend
I'm putting up window treatments (heat retention) all over her house
and mopping and waxing her hardwood floors.
Doing the housework she can't do right now.

I have a thyroid disorder
that has destroyed my physical metabolism
and yet
a personality disorder
(because I think that's what PTSD really is -
an injury to the personality)
that makes me hyper as all hell.

How crazy is that?

I thank the Universe.. the Infinite every single day
for the gift of my particular sense of humor.
The capacity to appreciate the ridiculous ...
has saved my life more than once, let me tell ya.

I use the panic and hyhper actions of PTSD
and try to give that to my friends right now.
I'm down to NO money...
and still getting the 'hem and haw' from official offices.

I have been all over town putting in applications
and what will be ... will be.

A few weeks ***, I *did* have a bad bout with depression
but I was smart enough to talk to a good friend whom I love dearly
and was able to get out of the funk before I hurt myself.

I have come to truly believe that the gov't 'help' and 'assistance' offices
deliberately stall you and put you down
because they're trying to get you to die first.
I laugh when I say that
but I've come to mean it.
I'm experiencing this first hand now.

I was granted a pro bono attorney
and will be doing the divorce that way.
Can you believe-
twenty years later finding this out?
Talk about ripping open an old old wound.

I was hoping for a 50th birthday/divorce party
and may still have it even though
the divorce is going to take more time that that.

I'm glad I could come to SR the same day and hang out reading
your posts and cath up with so many I've dcome to care so much aobut.
It really helps me get out of myself.

Ok so that's the update for now.:ghug2

[Impurrfect]

(((Barb)))

Dang, girl, I've missed you!!!! I'm sorry for all the crap you are going through, but your attitude is awesome. Mom got turned down twice for SSI. They approved her 2 weeks after she died, so I think you're right. You, however, will be around for a long time, s just keep pushing them.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[hippyhippy]

Oh Barb,
I am so sorry. That is such c**p hunny.
I don't understand your US system so I cannot advise, just offer my shoulder, albeit a virtual one.
It must have all been a terrible shock to find you weren't divorced from someone you thought you were. No wonder your PTSD is in force hun.

You say your neighbours benefit from the hypervigilance, but it is not easy hun. Reacting to every noise and change. I wish I could simply wish it away for you. It is too unfair.

You do have a particular sense of humour,I love it and appreciate it! You prove to me that Brits and Americans actually do 'get' each other! It's a myth we don't understand each others humour!

I am so glad you spoke to your friend hun. I am glad they are there for you in times of need. That is a special friend.

Thinking of you hunny. I am so sad you are having a bad time, to put it mildly, but glad you can come on here and talk.

(((Barb)))

Hippy
xx

[barb dwyer]

hey {{{{{purr}}}}

I am SUPOSEDLY already approved for the SSI whatever...
it's the card thing that's the holdup.
I'll get 'back pay' from it when it comes.
My landlord
(I am telling you - GOD found this woman)
told me that she'd wait for the back pay.
I'm almost three months behind.
She knows that I'd NEVER not pay my rent -
and what a statement that is - to have her basically look the other way in this time.

I have my bad moments like anyone else
I think maybe sometimes that doesn't come across.
I'm as messed up as anyone on here.
Ok
maybe not ANY one, but you get the drift


thank you so much for being here for me to blare out at.
And to come back with such caring.

I miss you guys SO BADLY.

Hippy -
I've been reading up on you, hon -
how's it goin for ya?
And yeah - The US could taks some lesons from GB on healthcare.

only an idiot would deny that one.

[barb dwyer]

how did I post this twice? wtf? LMAO

[mxchaos]

wow that's alot on your plate right now but really glad you have someone to help