It happened... and I'm worried/scared like a child :\

[Paulos]

I finally got to my new doctors office and saw a therapist but I'm scared :\ The main point is I'm anti social and I have real issues with meeting new people lately... the therapist was kind of nice and believed I'm ocd/depressed/anxious suffer from Panic Attacks, also gave me some real good advice about alcoholism as in another reason not to take it with medications. But... the fact is .... the intake worker who was taking care of my paperwork who was good and all I was scared to death of the whole procedure, the paperwork... I didn't even have enough time to read the words on it... I had a minor anxiety attack in the building, hopefully I swear to god the alcoholism and medication is making me suffer this bad because of all that it's done to me and there's hope to recover, but I'm so scared of even going back in 2 weeks ... I just ... it's like I didn't feel comfortable there but I'm so messed up even right now I'm worried at home... worried that as usual I'm not good enough and never will be ... oh boy it is very uncomfortable and dampening to one's spirits... I just hate how I'm so inept at things and ... and I'm of course scared of going back...

[stone]

Well, first off Paulos.

You are still here posting and the sky didn't fall on your head.

You might not like to here it but that is the best it gets for some of us!

So, what are you judging yourself by? Bill Gates or some kind of middle class american ideal?

There are tribes of people still living that live in forests take hallucinogens and eat rats, stop judging yourself.

How much do you drink anyway?

[Paulos]

Lots of things I judge myself to... I just want to be organized and successful... :sigh: I used to drink a lot.

[stone]

Judging yourself? Why?

You feel like you are letting people or yourself down? This is why I went to extremes about forest living people, just to point out that you are just judging yourself by one thing.

[Paulos]

Everything I do I feel like I'm doing wrong, everything just feels so... wrong right now, another problem could be going off my medication that was making me even worse... withdrawal and all... it's just ... everything lately is coming with a price... such as resentment... even my Pokemon game... I don't have the right "natured" Pikachu to become super strong in Special Attack value but I love my Pikachu the way he is... :sigh:

[historyteach]

Paulos,
It sounds like it's your anxiety talking.
What do you do to help yourself come down from an anxiety attack?
Do you meditate? Deep breathing exercises? Visualization? Yoga? Counting to ten?
There are many things to help us come to the moment. Live in the present.
That's where you need to live.

You're worrying about an appointment weeks away!
You're not there. You are here. Now.
So, be here. Now.
Breathe.
Exist in the moment.
Experience it fully, with all of your senses.
Describe it. Write it down.
So you can know the present fully.

And when you feel anxious about the future again,
you can do this once more.
It will help.

Shalom!

[Paulos]

Sigh history I just don't like myself at times I guess... this cursed autism is driving me crazy..

[Paulos]

Well I'm stuck with the autism, but maybe it's just I how I can't focus at all on things lately, no focus whatsoever... and I hate change too..

[historyteach]

(((Paulos)))

I have no experience with autism. But, I do know that we have to accept that which we cannot change. If we don't, it will make us terribly unhappy, and for no good cause -- we cannot change certain things. So, focus on that which you *can* change and do what you want. Accept that which you cannot.

I *know* it's difficult. I don't like the fact that my son is a heroin addict. I cannot change it. I must accept it, because, if I don't, I throw myself into dispair and anxiety.

When my focus is difficult, I depend on behaviors. I write out a plan of what I"m going to do for the day, and stick to it. Those behaviors are tied to any goals I may have -- those things I want to change for myself. And that's when change is good!

I wish you the best, Paulos...

Shalom!

[sobergirl77]

Anxiety, panic and ridiculous fear over every little thing are a normal withdrawal symptoms from booze and even many meds, like benzo's, painkillers, etc.

Just hang in there, Paulos... the more "sober" time you get, the more they will go away. Keep posting!

[Paulos]

Thank you for your care history, and thanks a lot sobergirl I always need to be reminded of that ... this gives me some hope, thank you sobergirl77.

[historyteach]

Hope is good...
Keep it up, Paulos...You *can* do this!

Shalom!

[Paulos]

Man... looking back at the past sure is a blast... of sadness, confusion and oddities... you know, when I wasn't drunk and such.

[ex D-Boy]

keep your chin up paulos, your a great guy, still real young also. You can beat this and live a good life man. Just think about doing the next right thing towards being clean.

Wishing you good luck and sending prayers and all that junk Come in the chatroom more often also P, we miss ya!!!

Scotty~~

[Paulos]

thanks :\ today has been another day of remembering that I have trouble remembering things -_-