BP Town -- Open to anyone who rides the rollar coaster Pt II

[liveweyerd]

Cindi, would you tell our friends in the pennies thread. I also wish to say that I lost two much blood following a C-section and recall exactly what that felt like. Also last October I lost too much blood and my blood pressure was half what it should be. I am feeling far too well now to be in any immediate danger.

We actually have a far more threatening and urgent safety issue going on right now.
My husband did all the architectural design, signs, murals..all artwork, including one recently...which he has not been paid for and never will at a certain restaurant which is a money laundering business for drug money. They owe us money, we owe one of them money from a loan. Since the news of our moving has gotten out, there has been 3 visits from them, each time two men. They are dangerous. One is known to plant drugs on people and then report them. They are capable of anything. One of them, his mother shot her husband point blank and was never charged. We do not feel safe.
I made a proactive move in this chess game this evening by visiting the restaurant, convincing husband that I actually knew what I was doing, which I did, and I did it.
I have bought us some time. He did not want to go, but I explained my plan and asked him to wear his game face. One of them will be able to put the pieces together, but how soon? I did something to play into their bigotry of women that I hope threw them off for a time and give them something to gossip about.

My grandmother was a relative of the Youngers, of the Younger/James gang in Missouri. In the middle of the night, they moved to Illinois where my ancestors go back 5 or 6 generations.

I have a plan...and those who have read my thread know what I am capable of to protect myself and my loved ones.

I have been open and honest with the landlords. And asked them to watch for activity around our place. They know what we will be doing.

Growing up I was taught to lie, grown I was taught honesty, then a brilliant friend explained to me that when the Nazis come knocking on your door, you do not tell them you have the Jews hidden in your closet.
Disinformation.

Those who have an ear, let them hear.

I will pm some of you for specific advice on matters that I will need to know about, according to the expertise of my friends here.

love! Tena

[historyteach]

...news from a competent health professional here on SR.

Live,
Please know that ANY competent health professional would NOT diagnose you on line.
They would always advise you to get a throughough check up with your medical practicioner.

Also, SR no longer has any health professionals. The two that volunteered their time both resigned over a year ago, after many years of volunteer service. We remain very grateful, but, they were the only two ever officially involved with SR.

Others may call themselves health professionals, but, we have absolutely no way of verifying it. SR does not condone anyone giving out medical advice online; indeed, it is completely against the rules of the forums. Too many crackpots think they are demi-gods with the knowledge of doctors because they once went to a doctor! Or read a book, or something online.

I don't know who you spoke with, Live. But, until you get a complete medical check up with your doctor, please do not add any more stress to your life because someone here told you that you were sicker than you think. Chances are, you're not. You have no idea how many posts we have to delete due to the fact that people give out illegimate medical advice.

Please rest easy. Call your doctor. Take care of yourself, and know that we are indeed here for you. We care. And we want to know what your doctor says....ok?

Shalom, my friend....shalom!

[liveweyerd]

Thank you, Teach. We both posted at the same time, so you have missed my post above.

I will be relying on the support here very much.

[nandm]

Live,

You have so much courage and strength. I agree with Teach about the medical advice, it is better not to stress too much until you have actually had a doctor see you in person. One thing you might consider in the meantime is go to webmd.com they have a self diagnosis tool that you might find useful (they call it a symptom checker, I think). It gives a pretty broad range of things that could be wrong but you can narrow it down by narrowing down the symptoms you are presenting with. Just a thought....don't know if it will help.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Time to hit the road soon... Oregon is pretty in the Fall.......not many places as pretty as the Columbia River Gorge in the Fall. I am ready for a motorcycle ride in the gorge to get some photos before the colors are gone. But probably won't happen, M is thinking about selling the motorcycle since we have not had the time to ride it the past two years. She has only taken it out 3 times in that time. We used to be on it nearly every weekend and sometimes during the week. I guess we aree getting old...lol Here is a picture of M on the bike after she took it out for a quick spin this Spring.

[hippyhippy]

Live, I am so sorry you have a health scare going on but as worthwhile someone online opinion’s may be, it is just that, an opinion. By all means get yourself checked out, even if just to stop you and hubby worrying, but try not to lend too much weight to the situation until it is all sorted hunny. (((Live))

Bike sounds good Nadm. I would be too frightened to go on a bike but I like the idea of it. Do you know the song “Unknown Legend” by Neil Young? I love that song and love the idea of the riding on the bike for a bit of freedom

She used to work in a diner
Never saw a woman look finer
I used to order just to watch her float across the floor
She grew up in a small town
Never put her roots down
Daddy always kept movin, so she did too.

Somewhere on a desert highway
She rides a harley-davidson
Her long blonde hair flyin in the wind
Shes been runnin half her life
The chrome and steel she rides
Collidin with the very air she breathes
The air she breathes.

You know it aint easy
You got to hold on
She was an unknown legend in her time
Now shes dressin two kids
Lookin for a magic kiss
She gets the far-away look in her eyes.

Somewhere on a desert highway
She rides a harley-davidson
Her long blonde hair flyin in the wind
Shes been runnin half her life
The chrome and steel she rides
Collidin with the very air she breathes
The air she breathes.

One of my favourites!

Hippy
xx

[nandm]

Always good to see you, Hippy.

Yes, I love Niel Young and do know the song. In fact had the CD on the other day.

I too have a fear of riding at times. It stems from my accident. At the age of 35 years old I decided I could learn to drive a motorcycle. I hadn't even been on a bicycle in over 15 years. The 5th time I got on it we took a ride up in the mountains. I went around a curve, with M behind me on her bike, I was on the yellow line and a truck was coming at me on the yellow line from the other direction. I panicked. I closed my eyes thinking I was going to die and let off the gas. What keeps a motorcycle up is the momentum of the tires spinning if you just let off the gas at 55 or 60 miles an hour the bike tends to go into a wobble. I missed the truck and when I realized I did I opened my eyes to see the guard rail in front of me. The solution to a wobble is to give it gas to gain the momentum again. I was in such a panic that I didn't give it just a little gas I opened the throttle up and into the guard rail and over the cliff I went. The bike stayed on the road but I was thrown over. I remember my last thought when I saw the guard rail and realized I was going to hit it "This is going to hurt!" Boy was I right. I wound up with a shattered right thigh bone, a fractured collar bone on the right, a fractured wrist on the left, and tendon/muscle damage to my left thigh. I had a tree branch go into my right shoulder. I literally nearly lost and arm and a leg in the accident. I am fortunate though that I was not injured worse. I did have some internal bruising but nothing serious. They were able to put a metal rod into my right thigh and save my leg. They patched up my right shoulder and it is fine now, a little arthritic at times but it works. I spent a month in the hospital and recieved 4 units of blood. I spent another 3 months in a wheelchair, 3 more on crutches, and a little over a year with a cane. My right leg is now 1 inch shorter than my left. I did try and drive again but had way too much fear so I walked away from trying that again. I did become a good passenger because I do love to ride and the bonus is I can close my eyes when I get feel fear coming on. I also truly trust M's driving. It was he** for her to watch me go over the side of the cliff. She is a strong woman but she still blames herself for letting me ride. I keep telling her I would have done it whether she did or not but guilt is a strange creature.

Wow...didn't mean to go on and on.....

[hippyhippy]

I'm glad you did 'go on' as you put it Nadm. I would be a bit more gentle and say 'told your story'! It is obviously a big traumatic part of your life and it is worth the telling. It sounds horrific. You are so brave to go back on a motorcycle again.
I'm glad to find another Neil Young fan!
Hippy
xx

[cinderellawkids]

My grandmother was a relative of the Youngers, of the Younger/James gang in Missouri. In the middle of the night, they moved to Illinois where my ancestors go back 5 or 6 generations.

Live, my great grandmothers aunt was too...Zereldas sister I think

[nandm]

I hate this insanity. The PTSD got the better of me today even with the klonopin.... I only have one class I have to attend each week the rest are online. Ironically this is the class I most wanted to take. I was doing great got there on time and was doing fine until he sent us out on a two hour break. The class is from 9am to 3pm. I tried killing time and the anxiety just got to be more than I could deal with, I wound up coming home. I tried to stay on campus for the two hour break but just couldn't do it with the insanity in my head. It made me just want to run away. I just don't understand it. Why? It is a simple painting class. Nothing special happened. Nothing stressful. Just the simple intro of the first day of class. I did not even have to speak. I had a safe seat by the door. He did say that our lunch breaks would be for an hour in the future and we could work through them if we chose. I think that the two hour break just gave my mind too much time. I started struggling within 15 minutes of leaving the classroom. By an hour into the break I couldn't take it anymore and came home. We get graded on attendance. I am hoping that I don't get docked for not coming back. But if I do that is the way it goes, I can't change it now. I just wish I could get this anxiety/PTSD stuff out of my head and be a "normal" person. This crud combined with the bipolar leaves me feeling so unstable and insane sometimes. Today is one of those days. At least in the future I can just pop out and eat a nutrition bar and then come back in and just work through the lunch. Then my brain will keep focused and not have time to wander into insanity, anxiety, and fear which is a losing battle most of the time.

Sorry to vent just needed to.

I am thinking I will go down the SS office on Monday and try to get on disability. I nearly flunked out and lost my financial aid last term because of this insanity. I just can't go on like this. If I can't even go to school and be in class for a few hours one day a week how in the world will I work a full time or even part time job? Yes, this contractor stuff would be manageable as I would have the freedom to set my own hours which would allow me to work around the anxiety but I have several strikes against me in that area; my credit sucks (being out of work for 2 years ruined it) and contractors have to be bondable to get a license, I am a woman and it is a very male dominated field, my skills are mainly small project oriented (such as a tile job, laminate job, small repairs, some plumbing, some electrical, some woodwork, etc....). So I don't even know if this will work out to provide any kind or living. I am so tired of all this. It is very discouraging.

[hippyhippy]

Hi Nadm,
that is so rotten you were gripped by the anxiety. I don't have PTSD but I sure do understand anxiety.

I just wish I could get this anxiety/PTSD stuff out of my head and be a "normal" person

What is one of them hunny? Normal....overrated I say! I do know what you mean though, I go through phases of anxiety. I don't understand why I can be fine for ages, then anxiety strikes big style.
I hope by the time you are reading this, you are feeling a bit better.
I don't understand the US system of disability benefit so I cannot comment. Here in UK, I am waiting to hear about mine. I got it last year but they can be really awkward at times.
Hippy
xx

[liveweyerd]

I love Neil Young also, but don't know that song. I am hooked on the Harvest cd...for years now.

NandM.....I am so deeply sorry about your bad experience with class and hope with all my might that you can resolve it.

I spent most of the day yesterday and this morning learning how to sell on e-bay......I am surrounded by stacks of books. I usually give them away....but want to investigate this possible new venture. Starting with books but have plans to extend to many types of items.
I am pretty determined!

[nandm]

Thank you both for your support. I looked up psychologists who specialize in PTSD that take my insurance last night. I found several and this week will see if I can get started with one of them. I also wrote out a general history so I hopefully won't have to repeat my life's story to them the first time I come in. Hopefully they can just read it prior to my coming in and gain a direction from that. I know I need to do something different as this is only getting worse rather than better. I can not continue the way I am going or I will not be able to function. So better to try and head it off now than wait until it is completely unmanageable.

Got the backsplash tiled today. Still need to grout but can do that next weekend. It was frustrating to use the tile saw we rented as the blade was bent and it wouldn't cut straight. But what can one expect from $28 for 4 hours. But overall the job looks pretty good. Had to put shims in the light switches and outlet plates to bring them up to level with the tile so the covers with go on them but that was pretty simple, just cutting some wood and putting it in there. I will probably try and post some pics this week as it is basically done now. I am happy with it overall.

Live, I tried the selling on ebay for a while. I did ok. I got in over my head when I did a big purchase of some networking computer units and was unable to sell them for what I paid. I finally just ate the loss and sold them on craigslist. I did pretty good picking up old PDA's and fixing them then reselling them on Ebay. Parts are cheap and the broken ones can usually be repaired quite easily. Let me know if you need any tips, I will share what I know.

[liveweyerd]

Writing it all out is a most excellent idea. I can't handle the verbal/emotional interview.
I don't want to sit there and relive it!

Books don't make any money.
Danny and Jenna are supposed to be the production team! LOL

[hippyhippy]

Hi,
I was a big E Bay fan but for some reason it has stopped recognising my photographs so I can't sell anything. I could put stuff on without a photo, but nobody really wants to buy if they haven't seen first.
Good plan Nadm, writing the background. I always find that when getting to know anyone new, you have to go through all the same stuff again which can be quite painful. I find it shameful going through my 'stuff' even though I know I have nothing to be ashamed of, but hey, who says I am rational!?

I need advice. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep. I felt really wired, my head was buzzing. I went to living room where I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I started hearing noises, people talking, people coming in and out of my living room, people moving around the floor, something dropping. I was absolutely awake. I have had this before, but I put it down to Nitrazepam withdrawal. the last time I had it, I wasn't spooked at all, I accepted it as perfectly normal. It was only once it was over that I realised how odd it was. This time though, it spooked me. I eventually fell asleep and it was all over when I awoke yesterday.
I had no repeat of it last night but after being up about an hour today, it started again. It is like there are lots of people in my house and they are all talking at once in whispers, so I can't make out what they say. I hear them going from room to room, I hear their footsteps on the floor. Now, I am not high, I am not low and I definately do not feel psychotic. I have tried to listen to them but I cannot make out at all what they are saying. I have kept myself busy to distract myself, which has worked to a degree. I have put on my i pod but that spooked me even more as I could still hear them.
My hubby has gone away to work and I am beginning to feel really spooked. I keep on thinking it is ghosts, but I know I am being silly. However, I can't help but feel scared if I am on my own tonight and I will be once the kids are in bed. I don't want to ask anyone to the house as I know I will scare them. Hubby can't take time off as he has had too much time off because of me as it is. I know these voices/noises are not real and I know I am the only one who can hear them. If I was ill I wouldn't have this insight. I haven't told hubby as he would freak too.
I have looked up auditory hallucinations and bipolar and it says to have these whilst euthymic is extremely unusual which makes me think it has nothing to do with the BP. As I say, I am perfectly well but I am a bit scared.
It is not tinnitus, it is not a buzz, it is definately voices and movement. It is not like they are instructing me or anything as I can't even make out what they are saying.
I don't know what it could be. I am not tired, I have taken no illicit drugs, I am not having withdrawals from anything, I don't have a temperature. I want them to go away though.
Hippy
xx

[nandm]

(((Hippy)))) here I am all caught up in my own stuff and you are going through something like that. That must be quite disconcerting. I experienced something similar one time in my early teens. It was frightening (I can relate to the thought of ghosts because that is what I thought it was at the time). I have never experienced it since, at least not that I can remember but since I drank to the point of oblivion way too many times in the past 20 years I may have experienced it again and just not remember.

It would be something serious enough to call your doctor about I think. Especially since it has you spooked. It may be an untoward effect of a medication or a significant change in your mental health status.

Take care and keep us posted.

[hippyhippy]

Thanks Nadm,

here I am all caught up in my own stuff

Don't be soft! We are all going through things at different times. You have been having a horrible time of it with your anx hunny. We are all having different battles at different times and we help each other out.
I am ok, just a bit spooked. I just don't want to say to anyone at home as I know they are not real but no one would understand. My cpn (community psychiatric nurse) is coming to see me tomorrow but I have only met her once before and don't know if I want to share this with her. I suppose I have to really.
I am in the house. It is 8.40pm here and dark. My eldest goes to bed in 20 mins and I don't really want her to but she has to to be fit for school. Hubby doesn't get home until about 11pm. I will just watch TV and remind myself that I know they are not real. If I was ill, I would be convinced they were real.
Hippy
xx

[barb dwyer]

hello! hello!

How's my goats doing? Who's been feeding 'em?

Long time no post to everyone!

I've been reading and catching up on the 'gang' here, actually had tome to today. I'll be losing comuter access pretty soon, and wanted to hop on and say that you are all still in my prayers and I think of you often.
I miss the time we spent here in the campground.

I'm still panicing, still sick, but doing so much better that I try not to care about the still sick part.

I'm a completely different person since quitting that horror of a job, and removing stress was absolutely the right thing to do.

Except now - the stress is finding something for an income, and filing all the red tape for some bureaucratic assistance meanwhile.

The panics are from sudden realizations of jsut how ... despreate the situation is ... and other times it's because the fluctuations in TSH make it atht way. It takes a year and more to stabilize...

oh YEAH!

Y'all will get a kick outa this - I put in my social security application that this is a well documented chronic condition, and takes a year, no matter what to stabilize - that even OPRAH WINFREY and her billiions took a year to get things working again



lemme tell ya - that got their attention, too.

some things never change, yall.

I miss miss MISS y'all and our cookouts by the camp trailers.

[nandm]

Good to see you Barb. Hope to see you back on a regular basis soon.

Here are the pics of my kitchen remodel. In looking at them I realize I should have done a before shot as well since unless someone saw the ugly yellow laminate on the counter tops and backsplash as well as just the paint behind the stove and the old porcelin sink and stainless steel faucet one would have no idea how much of a change this is. Oh well. I also have been refinishing the cupboards. The pics don't show that they need it but they do.
View from dining area towards living room. The left side of the kitchen. Shows the new backsplash, counter laminate, and stove backsplash.

Shows the new sink and faucet. The sink is a white granite composite. Just as a white granite rock has speckles in it this sink does as well they are shades of gray. The faucet is an antiqued brass fixture.

Shows the right side of the kitchen from the dining area towards the living room. Oh and the ceiling fan is another upgrade we made. Just a different view. But I like it because it has Lucy laying at the bottom right corner of the picture.