Completely Confused

[Lucie]

I started posting on the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers months back when my sister was going through a major rough patch(and so was I). I found it very helpful. So I thought I would give this a shot.

I’m 20 years old and I’ve been depressed on and off for as long as I can remember(I‘m talking when I was a tiny tiny kid). I’ve also been having panic attacks for as long as I can remember. When I was 15 I had a nervous breakdown around exams. After that I spent most of my high school career in and out of therapists and psychiatrists offices. I would have great days and weeks. And then days, weeks and even months where I couldn’t get out of bed. Around age 18 I started to get a lot better. And then it was off to college and even though I’ve been relatively happy(much more than high school!) and made a ton of progress I still can’t seem to shake these depressive episodes. I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in 3 years. After many trials and errors I finally found a great therapist who I have been seeing for about 4 years now. I take Xanax and Wellbutrin. I’ve been on several anti-depressants and all of them(including Wellbutrin) did not help in the slightest, if anything they made things worse. And I gave them time. Lots of time.
I blame episodes like this on the state of my life. I’ll say I don’t like my school, my major, my love life, etc- but really I think I’m a very depressed person who has learned a lot of coping skills, which is great. But I relapse. And in general I am not as energetic or happy as I would like to be. I never have been. I don’t think I’m very honest about that. I always tell people I’m fine now.

Awhile ago my psychiatrist suggested to me that I might be Bipolar II or a milder form of that. What is it called when you have these episodes of depression on and off all your life? Also, I think I have experienced some slight hypomania and I can get irrationally angry and irritable for no reason. It's always possible that in an hour or two I'll go back and read this post and wonder what the hell I was thinking, but I can snap out of these moods easily, but fall right back in.

I have always been diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder by doctors. But I feel like something is missing. I had surgery two weeks go which has sent me down a depressive spiral. I think it has made me realize that if I don’t figure out what’s wrong with me this is going to happen my whole life, and I really don’t want it to be that way. I’m back in that withdraw mode. And I hate it. Daily life has become a struggle again and I am at a loss as to what to do.

[nandm]

I have been diagnosed as bi polar II. One of the major recurring themes of my life has been hard to treat depression, anxiety, and periods of compulsive spending. These are the symptoms of bi polar II that I presented with.

Fortunately for the most part my disease is well controlled with medications. Although I have developed PTSD related to other issues that can be unmanagable at times.

Good to see you posting here. Feel free to join us in our BP town thread as there are many there who are fight with bi polar there also. It is a thread we use to visit, socialize, express our concerns, problems, joys, and such.

Take care and welcome to our mental health forum.

[historyteach]

Lucie,

Welcome to the MH forum of SR!
There's a link up top, in the stickies, from the NY Times about bipolar disorder. Here's the link. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-ny-times.html (Bipolar information from the NY Times) In it, you will find a wealth of information.

Also, look on this site. Bipolar II, Mood Swings without Mania; Brain Tours; Stress and Depression; Hormones and Mood; and more... Here, you will find the most up to date information about the bipolar spectrum.

Between the two sites, you'll learn quite a bit about bipolar disorder. Oh, and that mild form of depression is called Dysthymic disorder. You can learn about that on the sites above, and also here: dysthymic disorder

I hope you've had a complete physical check up recently. Many things can mimic depression but are physical in nature. For example thyriod problems. And the simple thyroid test that they give during a check up does not give the results necessary. One needs a full battery thyroid test, and must ask for it specifically to get it. So, if you've not had one in a while, please do get one done and ask for that test. Tell the doctor why so that s/he can determine if there are other tests that should be done too.

I wish you the best of luck and look forward to getting to know you as we both grow in our recovery.

Shalom!

[Lucie]

thanks you guys. glad to hear I'm not the only Bipolar II out there! and historyteach those websites were extremely helpful. thanks a million.

[historyteach]

You're very welcome.
I hope to see you around!

Shalom!

[cinderellawkids]

Hi Lucie, I want to invite you to check out the thread BP town here on the mental heath forum. Theres many of us who feel just like you.