being attracted/attached to my care givers

[hippyhippy]

I am in a strange situation. I get strong feelings for almost all the mental health staff people I come into contact with. Not friendship as I know they would never be friends with me outside the patient-client relationship (I am too loopy!). However, I became extremely attached to my general doc and was absolutely devastated when she left and I really do mean devastated. It was like a bereavement and I took a long time to get over it. I still hate going to the new general doc cos it hurts that she isn't the last one.

My last 1-1 therapist, I really thought I was in love with her (I am a hetereosexual mother of two!) even though I knew it was common to have these sort of feelings for a therapist. When she left I was bereft but she then continued to see me in a group setting a few months later. That is likely to come to an end though and already I am worrying about it as I know I will be even more devastated to lose her than my general doc. She is up there with significant people like my hubby, mother and kids of people to lose and how I think it will affect me. I seriously don't think I will cope with losing her influence in my life.

My Shrink. As much as I am at odds with him at present, I really don't want to upset him too far as I really need him. I don't want another one and I hate the thought of being passed on to another as sometimes happens with re organisation.

Lastly, my new 1-1 therapist. Oh heck....I am attracted to him. I know how common this is but it is increasingly awkward as I realise I am flirting ever so slightly. Holding back on information so I have to see him longer. fantasising during sessions etc....and I know it is the patient-client thing as he is not my type at all.

The only one I didn't get attached to was my mental health nurse, but that is cos she pi**ed me off on our second meeting!

It is these attachments that I think have a large bearing over my mental health. It is to keep on seeing them that I think I continue to not get better.

I think I may need to address these issues. I was advised to do so (from this forum) way back when I had the first therapist on a one to one basis but I just couldn't. But I am terrified to do so in case the response is to pull out all involvement and I am left with either nil, or a rotating staff group ( I know this happens some places and my friends therapist stopped seeing her for three months when she admitted she was attracted to him)

So, I know these feelings are normal but I don't know how to move on from them and I don't know how to move on in my life. I am so afraid of losing them that I am too scared to rock the boat by telling them. I am also scared of my diagnoses being changed from bipolar to borderline personality disorder as has been suggested it might be if I confess to my attachement problem.

Any thoughts/ideas welcomed!

Hippy

[nandm]

Hippy, you certainly have a lot going on right now.

Here is a link to someone elses post regarding attraction to their therapist. " " attraction to therapist, trust....please help There seem to be some good replies. The one regarding the book "In Session" by Barbara Lott sounds like it might be worth taking.

I googled to try and find more information but couldn't find anything else that looked worthwhile.

By the way this is just a hypothesis on my part but as far as your being attracted although the therapist is a female I will share with you my feelings on it. I personally believe that heterosexuality and homosexuality are a lot like black and white. Because there with black and white there are varying shades of gray. I think there are those that are 100% heterosexual and never experience attractions to the same sex just as I believe there are those that are 100% homosexual who are never attracted to the opposit sex but I believe the majority of people fall somewhere in the gray area although they may lean more one way or the other. Their is a Jewish Rabbi who has written a paper on this concept but he believes there a five different sexualities. I say this only because I feel that you should not be overly concerned that you have some attraction although she is a woman. It does not mean you are gay. You are just normal in my eyes. Personally I think that homophobia comes from the fact that so many people are in the gray area and are frightened by those same sex attractions because they are more attracted to the opposite sex so rather than accepting gays they fight against those feelings they have inside themselves and show their fear by striking out at gays. But as I said that is just my hypothesis so take it with a grain of salt.

I do understand being attracted to your therapist. I think it is probably fairly common. It probably isn't a good thing that you develop such a strong attachment though as I do think that it could create enough dependency in the relationship to hinder your growth. I think there are many reasons people become attracted to their therapists but personally I think it has a lot to do with self confidence and self esteem. But again just my opinion and I am by no means a mental health professional.

Sorry this response was so long. Take care

Judith

[pedagogue]

You might want to see what is attracting you to your therapist, and maybe explore with them what in them brings that out from you. I'd venture to guess they are providing things that lack in other areas of your life, and the attraction is less about them (male, female, etc) and more about what they provide.

[hippyhippy]

Thanks Judith and it certainly wasn't too long a reply. I will check out that link in a bit.
Yes, I do have a lot going on in my mind just now and I am desperately seeking answers. However, I came across a concept on the internet last night of bipolar and co rumination. I think this is what I am doing. I am sharing my rumination with anyone who will listen to me.
I share your thoughts on sexuality, I probably shouldn't have mentioned me being heterosexual mother of two. I read something years ago that the author said they believed we wre all bi sexual but suppressed that part of us. I think the reason that attraction hit me so hard was because it was so intense. I have had attractions to women before but usually quite fleeting. Not enough that I felt I could change my whole way of life for. I do actually think it is an area of my life I would like to explore further but I can't really without betrayal, so I will just have to forget about it.

Thanks also Pedagodue. I may when I have confidence with my new therapist bring the subject up. I am just so scared that telling him will make him stop seeing me. You may be right about it being what they provide that I am lacking elsewhere.

Hippy
x

[adore79]

Hi Hippy. I too have had strong emotions for and crushes on some of my therapists (both male and female), it is called transference and is usually considered to be beneficial to the process. It is normal and I would suggest mentioning it to them, only because complete honesty is essential to therapy. Good luck!!

Transference - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[hippyhippy]

Thanks for that. I know of transference and I know that it is what is happening with me. Unfortunately, it doesn't help me yet. I am in a horrid obsessive state of mind just now and I really cannot think very coherently. My fear of losing one of them is becoming larger in my mind than it should be as I know they are only care givers.

I think I just have to accept I am not very well just now and ask pdoc for help rather than fight him.

Hippy

[hippyhippy]

I have tempted fate. My group therapist is leaving, the group is ending. I can't stnad the thought of it. All I can do is cry. I don't know how I will manage without her influence in my life. It is not for 3 moths but it feels like she is already gone.
This is the worst pain I have felt in a long long time. I know that is sad but there it is.
I don't know how I am going to do this. I really don't. I am scared that without her influence, I will revert to previous mood states.
Hippy
xx

[pedagogue]

Originally Posted by hippyhippy

I have tempted fate. My group therapist is leaving, the group is ending. I can't stnad the thought of it. All I can do is cry. I don't know how I will manage without her influence in my life. It is not for 3 moths but it feels like she is already gone.
This is the worst pain I have felt in a long long time. I know that is sad but there it is.
I don't know how I am going to do this. I really don't. I am scared that without her influence, I will revert to previous mood states.
Hippy
xx

You have time to work through these feelings. I hope you can share them with her and hopefully reach a better place before the transition happens.

[hippyhippy]

I hope so too but I don't know that I can in a group setting. I am just all at sea just now with my thoughts.
hippy
x

[adore79]

I know its scary to loose a trusted therapist, it is just like loosing anyone who is close to you. But your therapist isnt in charge of your feelings, you are. The hurt of loss goes away after a while.