this fear is killing me

[least]

I' m afraid of myself. I want to just be 'numb' cause i'm afraid of my feelings. but want to be sober. i'm lost and want to be found. i'm so lst and afraid

[Nina Kay]

least, I can certainly understand being afraid of self and feelings and wanting to numb them out because of it, but truly it's never as bad in the long run as it seems that it will be. I also know that we can handle anything better with a clear & healthy mind, than with a numbed out one. Also when we use things to numb out, this in itself creates many more and extremely worse problems than we can ever have had before. So we only make our problems worse by trying to hide from them or run from them or ignore them. The only way out of a problem is straight through it and when we get to the other side, we realize that it was alot easier than we thought it was gonna be and we can be proud of standing up to it. That's my ESH and now I'll shut up.
((((((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))))

[madscientist]

Least, I can definitely relate to the feeling of just wanting to be numb to everything, not have to really experience what was going on around me. One thing I have learned is that I can't run from everything forever, especially when I'm running from myself. I always seem to wake up and be there again the next day, whether or not it included a raging hangover.

It can be a slow process to get back in touch with who we really are, without all the screens we put up. It doesn't have to happen all at once, and remember that whatever you learn, you can build on whenever the time is right.

(((hugs)))

[nandm]

((((((least))))) You need to change your name to "most" as you are not the least by any means. You are a human being who is sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am glad you keep coming back and trying to find the answers. Don't give up as they will come.

I too hated the emotions that came along with early sobriety. I felt so overwhelmed that many times i thought I would drown in the sea of those emotions and wind up forever in a mental hospital. But I found that I could get through it. It took changing my outlook on life to a more positive one. Forcing myself to see myself as a worthwhile human being that is just as important as anyone else that walks this earth. We are all in the same boat but some of us have gained enough strength to use the oars. It takes time. It is a process but you can get stronger and healthier. Life will change as long as you give yourself a chance and never give up. Take care.

[Zanthos]

My first week of sobriety, I had feelings of such overwhelming pain and self-hatred that if I had not been in rehab, I would definitely had drank.

If your feelings are anything like mine were, you may not be able to handle them on your own. I couldn't. Is there anywhere you can go, anyone you can be with? It's almost impossible to suffer alone.

[TiredMama]

(((((((((least)))))))))