Hi again all, got another feeling to share.

[Paulos]

Hope all is going well with you all, I also want to say thanks to Butterfly-7 and all who have supported me and given a crap about me

Alright today is one of those days that I'm experiencing one of the most FAMOUS of my bad feelings and the worst... when I have anxiety, depression and insecurity COMBINED which makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap. Does anyone else ever get that interesting combination? I mean them all at once, combined, it can last for over ... well like 9 hours or so, and sometimes in the past it was fixed for the day or for an hour when I did something really successful or something I LOVED to do... but lately since I don't do the things I love to do ... it's been tough, I felt like this yesterday as well since I got angry and sad that I didn't know about measurements, like inches/feet and such.

[adore79]

Hey Paul, yeah i feel like that sometimes. Mostly in the mornings, because everyone else is going to work and being productive while i just stay in bed or mope around the place. It is like a trembling inside, butterflys in my stomach, anxiety coming out of nowhere. I worry about the future, about my health, about everything. Then when i get into bed at night, it all goes away because i know that that is where i belong and i dont have to do anything else. I am trying to change all this, to find productive things to do even if im not working. Spring is here, and there is the garden to whip into shape, there is the beach to take my puppy to. Anything that will make me feel better about myself i must do, not just stay in bed. I wish you well, and hope you can find some way to enjoy things again.

[sugarssweetpea]

I feel like that a lot. It is tough. Really tough. Have to really fight it to not let it come out to where my kids can see. Find a hard time having the motivation to do anything, but anxiety b/c I am getting nothing done. Feeling like I wish I would have gone back to school so that I would have had the choice of a career or homeschooling mom. Would have still chosen the homeschooling mom, but would have felt better about myself & not so stupid for not having a degree as well. Whole bunch of junk up there in that brain of mine. I believe mine is a chemical imbalance since the first time I thought of suicide I was 12. I self medicated for years with drugs & alcohol & now with sugar. I have just started yesterday taking another route & getting a prescription for Effexor. Excited, curious & nervous to see how it works. It is funny, I got a script for anxiety & depression & then got anxiety about taking it. My brain is definately strange.

[madscientist]

Originally Posted by sugarssweetpea

Find a hard time having the motivation to do anything, but anxiety b/c I am getting nothing done.

Sugar, this jumped out at me when I read it, because it's such a familiar feeling. It's one of those nasty cycles that fuels itself and is really difficult to break out of. I have found that sometimes making lists of things that need to be done, broken out into really small pieces helps. That way you don't have to do everything at once to feel like you've accomplished something.

Paulos - glad to see you're still around. Have you been getting outside at all lately? Sun and fresh air, even for just a little bit seem to have a great effect. Hope you're feeling better.

:ghug

[sugarssweetpea]

Madscientist,
I do not like to be outside a whole lot, it is very hot & I am very overweight. Not a good comfortable combination. BUT I find it absolutely amazing how much better I feel when I am outside in the fresh air & sunshine. I am always thankful when I force myself to get out.

[Paulos]

Outside sometimes lets me forget my troubles/memory loss and such... thanks all for caring all... but in the meantime I'm worried that Xanax may be causing my memory loss/bad concentration, never knew it could do that... just what I need another worry.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

paulos, Buddy I could relate to what you are going through
all of yous believe it or not,the only time I feel my self
is when I'm at S.R, helping others feel better,and
sharing my stories of Strength, and Hope,but Yeah:
I fight with the same feelings at once it takes a told on me
remember we had medicated our self numb to everything

that now all those feelings are going to surface up and when they do It's not a pretty feeling,But hang in there Buddy Talk about it that
Helps allot share don't be afraid to be honest with what you are feelings.

[Paulos]

I see... yeah I'm still on my Risperdal but only 0.50mg now, and I'm suffering still. I just never ... seem to get better... Day 26 without booze and I just keep suffering.

[tellus]

Paulos, I say this with love, but... Try dropping the martyr complex. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel, I promise.

[historyteach]

Please remember the Mental Health Forum is a forum of support.

People suffering from mental illness are not martyrs. They have an illness. And many times, it take a long time to get the proper medication balance to properly address the symptoms. Until that time, we are here to support them.

Thanks for understanding.

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Paulos,
Congratulation on 26 days!!!
That's AWESOME!!! Keep it up! You're on the way, buddy!
And it *will* get better, one day at a time!

Butterfly,
Thanks for all your shares.
You are a great source of support on these boards, and much appreciated!

Shalom!

[Done_With_It]

Originally Posted by Paulos

I see... yeah I'm still on my Risperdal but only 0.50mg now, and I'm suffering still. I just never ... seem to get better... Day 26 without booze and I just keep suffering.

Paulos hang in there buddy.
It took me over a year to feel better, my emotions were up and down.
Call me a martyr if you want, but my emotions were completely ruined
by the meth I did. It took me a long time to recover. Keep coming here
and talking. That is what got me through each and every time.
Even as of recently my emotions took a crash and I didn't know what to do.
If you keep coming here and talking through it, you will get through it.
Just don't use. Learning a new way of life is hard, but you can do it.
Try and get outside and get some sun. Do one new thing a day.
You ARE getting better, getting stronger. Many of us can see that in you.

[Nina Kay]

Hi Paulos. I know that we haven't talked before since I don't come to this forum very often, but I know that I need to. I just wanted to say that I can totally understand what you are talking about with all of the feelings and emotions that you've described. I have them all three at the same time, most of the time. I have fought this same combination of horrible mental trauma for all of my life and I'm now over 50. I finally had to admit that I needed help because I knew that I must have chemical or hormonal imbalances in my brain, that was genetically inherited. I've been on Effexor for quite a while now and it does help me. My mother and 2 of my sisters, my daughter and my niece all have to be on prescription meds for this too. We are all on different ones. I hate having to take medications, but I do have to admit that it helps me too much to not take any. I do have problems with memory and concentration because of the meds, but that's a much better problem to deal with than what I was dealing with before the meds. I thank you for bringing me to talk about this, as it has helped me to remember to what extent that I was suffering before I was getting the help I need. I was thinking of working off of the Effexor because of my memory and concentration problems, but I can clearly remember now the alternative. I'm so sorry that you are having to do with this horrible nightmarish problem. Keep coming back.
(((((((((((Caring & Understanding Hugs)))))))))))))))))

By the way, Sunshine & Fresh Air are life-savers for me. Make yourself get out there at least once, every day, no matter what the weather is.

[Paulos]

Thanks very much Nina that was a very nice post... medications can be tough, I'm almost off Risperdal, and on Lamictal 125mg... including Xanax... sigh ... and with failing at drinking again I just feel like crap.