I have a terrible pattern of behaviour and I need some help

[Seeker957]

Recently I've realized that I have an odd pattern of behaviour. Whenever something happens in my life that is beyond my control, I tend to lash out at others or make inappropriate relationship decisions regarding the people closest to me in my life, as a means to regain some feeling of control in my life again. A big example that I can give you is that when I have faced bullying at work or unjustified terminations of jobs, I have then in turn made horrible choices in my other more personal relationships, that have often times resulted in terribly torn and unfixable situations. I am realizing that I do these things as a way of trying to regaining some control again in my life. Does anyone else here do this? And can any of you give me any suggestions about what I can do to stop doing this. I wasn't even aware that I do this until very recently, but when I look back on other situations in my life, I can see that this is a terrible pattern I've had for years. How can I stop this? Does this sound like Bi-polar?

[steamvessel]

Originally Posted by Seeker957

Recently I've realized that I have an odd pattern of behaviour. Whenever something happens in my life that is beyond my control, I tend to lash out at others or make inappropriate relationship decisions regarding the people closest to me in my life, as a means to regain some feeling of control in my life again. A big example that I can give you is that when I have faced bullying at work or unjustified terminations of jobs, I have then in turn made horrible choices in my other more personal relationships, that have often times resulted in terribly torn and unfixable situations. I am realizing that I do these things as a way of trying to regaining some control again in my life. Does anyone else here do this? And can any of you give me any suggestions about what I can do to stop doing this. I wasn't even aware that I do this until very recently, but when I look back on other situations in my life, I can see that this is a terrible pattern I've had for years. How can I stop this? Does this sound like Bi-polar?

This is common, not sure if it is Bi-polar or not. You are obviously hurt some way emotionally and maybe you are upset at the people closest to you because you feel they do not care enough? One thing that I've noticed about myself, is the more that I act in that manner when upset, the more things bother me, and the more power other things and people have over me, it's a vicious, dehabilitating cycle. As painful as it is, try to take a deep breath, and go to your place as they call it- where nothing can effect you. Maybe take a journal and write down your immediate thoughts on the left side of the page, and on the right side write a rational rebuttal that defends your point of view. I know that bullies will bully those that will react to them. I think you're first step should be to stop reacting as hard as that sounds, or just try waiting 30 minutes before you do anything when you are upset.

[nandm]

I wish I had some input for you other than it does not sound like the bipolar I have.

[barb dwyer]

I dont know if you can get an 'official' confirmation anyplace - but it is more a CPTSD thing.

I've met several women this way - I'm sure men are, too -
but my experience is with post- battering women.
Seeing this behavior, I mean.

It kicks in the trauma ...
and where others will be cowed or cower -
(by a bully, or just an idiot in general)

*I* just plain get mean.

[StayinAlive]

Its great now that you have realized this behavior and what triggers it. The more self aware you become the more you will be able to cognitively arrest your response behavior.

Being wronged by someone(or so i perceived) used to have an extreme effect on me only i would react inwardly hence the drinking problem. Once i was helped to analyze my reaction, question why it effected me so strongly and what does it really matter, i was able to slowly over time change how i feel and respond when wronged or hurt. I no longer let others rent space in my head or give them the power to to effect how i feel(for very long)

Its not easy and doesn't happen over night but now you have determined were you need to start.

disclaimer.........what i just said may be way off base

[barb dwyer]

uh...yeah. Put me down for the same disclaimer - LOL!!!

[Zencat]

I know for myself when things went bad in my life I took it out on me. One way that manifested was depriving myself of love by driving others away.

[barb dwyer]

uh...yeah. Put me down for the same disclaimer - LOL!!!

Seeker -

what I 'read' in what you posted was -

this 'fight' behavior - it's not exactly something you can 'catch' - right? It's like it's already happened... before you realize it has, right? YOu can't stop in the middle of it - because you don't know wanything has occurred until it's already over.....

If so - my personal suggestion is to read up on PTSD.