Anti depressants

[Rowan]

I am going to make an appointment to see my GP this week to change my medication. My depression has been more troublesome these past couple of months and I have seen no improvement since increasing my medication.
I am currently taking 60 mgs of Celexa (citalopram). About 3 weeks ago, my doc added 150 mgs of Wellbutrin due to my symptoms, but I found that this mix just made me agitated so I stopped taking the Wellbutrin after a couple of weeks.
I have been reading online about different SSRI's, and wish to make an informed decision before trying something new. I could see a pdoc again but didn't have good experiences in the past and prefer to approach my GP instead. She's pretty open-minded if I go to her and ask to try something else.
I am hoping that others here can share their own experiences with antidepressants. What do you take? SSRI? MAOI? Tricylic? I've only ever taken SSRI's, although very briefly, years ago, I tried desipramine for a very short time but found side effects troublesome.
I have tried Celexa, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lexapro (I think), Effexor, and the only one that worked long-term for me was Celexa. It's just not doing it for me this time. I have been plagued with suicidal thoughts again, and am finding it increasingly difficult to participate in recovery or get out of bed.

I am a 40 year old woman with no significant health concerns except for the depression and mild hypothyroidism. I just had bloodwork done for my thyroid and am awaiting results. I have been sober over 2 years, and clean for 20 months. I have been in recovery for nearly 7 years and relapsed briefly each time after two years.

I have been using a broad-spectrum light every morning for 40-60 minutes, with little or no results.

Please note, I am not looking for medical advice, I just want to hear your experiences in this area, and wish to know what works for you. I want to make a fully imformed decision before seeing my doctor.

Thanks

[Toomutch]

Rowan, I am so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain right now. I pray that you and your doctors will find what works for you.
In my case I was diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety dissorder and social dissorder. I take wellbutrin, prozac and ativan. I have been on this combination for some time and it seems to work for me. I do however go through my highs and lows, but not to severely. When I am feeling a bit on the manic or agitated side I take an extra ativan.
There is probably something out there that would work better, but I dont want to take a chance on it. If it's not broke why try and fix it.

Best Wishes

[historyteach]

I started taking Topamax for my anxiety this year, and found it very helpful. It's used off label for that purpose and also for depression off label.

I also started back on Wellbutrin, but, the generic version, buprion. I'm on 200 mg. This morning, I started thinking I was feeling good. It's the first time in a long time. I don't know yet, for sure. Time will tell. I know at 300 mg, it gave me panic attacks. The pdoc wanted me to go up to 300 mg, and I didn't want to for that reason. She agreed to wait untill I see her next month. So, we'll see.

I did not do well on SSRI's. Serotonin Syndrome. I never want to take them again.

One thing I want to suggest. You didn't stay on the Wellbutrin very long. Sometimes, it takes time to "settle into" a new anti depressant. It takes between 4-8 weeks for the theraputic dose for Wellbutrin to reach it's potential. I hope you didn't stop before it settled down for you. Just a thought. I know when I first started taking it, there's kind of a "rush" but, it does calm down in time.

Hope you feel better soon.

Shalom!

[Rowan]

Thanks to both. Teach, I have been on combo of Wellbutrin and Celexa before, long term, and it wasn't a great mix then, that's why I came off it so quickly this time. Maybe I could have given it more time, but it really didn't feel right for me.
I've been reading about serotonin syndrome and have been wondering if it's time to try an entirely different class of a/d.

[nandm]

I am sorry you are going through a rough stretch right now.

It is amazing how much a thyroid can affect depression. My s/o has an underactive thyroid. Depression is significantly worse, to the point of suicidal thoughts when the thyroid is out of wack. Has a very thin line of the normal range. Even when by the standards it is considered in the normal range she still needs it adjusted as her range is very fine. She finally has a doctor that understands that and works with her, listening to her when she says the meds need adjusting up or down.

Here is my experience with anti-depressants I have been on paxil, lexpro, prozac, welbutrin, and Cymbalta. Currently on Cymbalta and it is working wonderfully for me. It has treated my depression quite well. Now if only the PTSD treatment was that effective so the anxiety would go away I would be doing great. But the anxiety is miserable at times. Cymbalta has not seemed to have much effect on the anxiety. I have klonopin to take for that.

You are such an asset here at SR. I am glad you are here. You are one of the first people to welcome me here and talk to me. I really appreciate that. Hang in there as this too will pass as frustrating as that may be to hear, from experience I am sure inside you know it to be true even if it is hard to see through the darkness right now. We have all been in that place. When it gets really rough remember and picture that we are right here with our hands reaching out to you to help you back up:ghug. Take care. You are worth the effort it takes to get the medicines right.

Judith

[Astro]

(((Ro))) my friend, I'm sorry to hear you're having some difficulties.

I had a looooooooooong reply to this, and of course when I went to submit it our lurvely website asked me to register as a new user and my post was lost That was a nice reminder to save my lengthy posts somewhere else and maybe my HP's way of telling me to keep it short and simple!

If I could just share two very important things I learned from SSRI's:

1. As historyteach mentioned, it can take a long time for them to become fully effective. Lexapro and Zoloft made me immediately suicidal, Paxil worked like a dream but I was told I couldn't stay on it because it can be addictive, so I finally settled in with EffexorXR. For the first six weeks I felt like I lived in a foggy, distorted haze. I could barely function at work, and I preferred lying in bed or on the couch in absolute silence to doing something productive. When it finally started to take effect I felt amazing, and after slightly more than a year I weaned off of it with no side effects.

2. This is the most important thing I learned. SSRI's were only as effective as my mental well-being allowed them to be. By that I mean that if my outlook and attitude was positive and healthy the Effexor worked beautifully. My instinct was to isolate and be miserable, but I found that I felt best when I was doing something outdoors, even something as simple as sitting at an outdoor cafe, sipping coffee and watching the world go by was an incredible feeling. And while there were times when I still felt suicidal, I found that going to a recovery meeting or diving into service work always relieved me of those feelings. Being around as many people as possible helped too, and of course others in recovery understood me best.

In early recovery and before I started taking the meds I felt like Winnie The Pooh walking around with a black rain cloud over my head. Life felt dark, miserable, and unbearable. Nobody deserves to live like that, I hope you find something that works for you soon.

Scott

[Freedom1990]

First of all, I just want to make clear that my medications aren't the solution to all my problems, but they help me live a relatively normal life while I work a program of recovery.

I've been through the gamut with antidepressants over the past 15+ years. I started on Cymbalta about 7 months ago.

In addition to my 12 step meetings, I started back in some counseling at the local mental health center shortly before Christmas.

I was doing everything possible within my recovery, yet my depression continued to deepen.

I did request a medication evaluation with a psychiatrist at the mental health center as my meds were always through my primary care physician.

I am currently on Cymbalta, 90 mg (up from 60), and Remeron (15mg) was also added to help with sleep and weight gain (I had dropped 16 pounds when the depression hit hard).

It appears to be working. I still attend my 12 step meetings on a regular basis, and stay active in my recovery. I was seeing the counselor every other week but am now down to once a month

[cmc]

Rowan,
I used antidepressants off and on during my thirties and early forties, basically for PMS symptoms and they worked great. Back then that treatment was unheard of and scoffed at. I used low doses and for half of the month. Once in while I used xanax...usually one pill per month.

Over several years my drs & I tried just about everything else in order to give me the best care. I prefer good old Prozac and/or Zoloft, and my mood would improve in a day or two and continue to improve for up to two weeks.

Although the research does not back this up...many women- including me have extreme problems with hormone levels. For this reason my dr gave me oral (rxs) and topical (otc)progesterone and as my needs evolved I ended up using a micronized progesterone in the form of a birth control pill!

I had frequent blood tests done to examine the hormonal balance and for about a year I used bioidenticals formulated just for my needs. It may sound complicated but I am condensing about 15 years of my history here.

I was very fortunate to have a GP and GYN who were willing to experiment and treat me a person instead prescribing some cookie cutter treatment. (I was a good guinea pig for them!)

So basically...only if my moods got to the point where things got scary for me did I use anti-d's and the last time I tried one...it did absolutely nothing for me. I later found relief by using HRT, but not the kind that was used in the Framingham studies and found to be harmful.

Of course this is just my individual example but I do know of many women-where finding hormonal balance is key to having stable moods. And one thing that I always did was to stay under the care of a physician (or two) instead of diagnosing and treating things myself with the natural progesterone cream that I used. It's funny that the name on the label of that cream included the word "happy" which was not false advertising!!

Good luck and I hope you find a way to feel your very best, soon.

[Rowan]

I had found an alternative therapies M.D. in another city a couple of years ago who had prescribed HRT for my symptoms. He had prescribed bioidentical progresterone cream, and it helped some, but not significantly. My PMS used to be horrible, but it's not as bad now for some reason. When I was seeing this particular doctor, he ordered bloodwork regularly and is the one who started me on thyroid medication - I was like the person Judith mentioned who walked a very fine line within the normal range.
I stopped seeing that doctor due to distance and due to finances. He isn't covered by provincial insurance and I couldn't afford to keep seeing him. If I had a lot more money, I would be interested in continuing to see him, as I liked his whole-body approach.
While I understand that the proper medication will help, it won't cure me. I know I need to attend meetings regularly, to get out among people, to sit in the sun and to walk my dogs. But without the right medication, I don't feel I have sufficient strength to even do these things.
I went to a meeting with my sponsor last night, and saw a bunch of friends, but I sat in the back and distanced myself from most. It was very difficult to be out, but I will go out again tonight, and I will go to work in the morning. I feel like I am moving underwater, and I am mired in shame and guilt for not doing more, not doing better. I am home with my 12 year old daughter and we spend a lot of time together, even lying in bed watching a movie or television program, but I feel like a failure for not being more.
I still can't shake my father's voice telling me to get up and get moving. He makes it sound so sensible. Just do it, right? So I get up and I shower and I'm clean but I'm tired and I need to lie down again. Or, I'll go out, but the sun will hurt and noises are too loud and traffic frightens me and I want to come home again.
My parents are in Florida until the beginning of May and I don't want them to come home. My dad is so intrusive, and then he will find out about my boyfriend, and I'll have to talk to him about that. And I don't want to. It's easier to disentangle myself from him when he's not here - I just don't answer the phone. But soon he will be able to drop by again.
My job ends on Friday - it was a mat leave position - I don't know where I will go next but the uncertainty has left me paralyzed. I want to just .. disappear.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by Rowan

I know I need to attend meetings regularly, to get out among people, to sit in the sun and to walk my dogs. But without the right medication, I don't feel I have sufficient strength to even do these things.
I went to a meeting with my sponsor last night, and saw a bunch of friends, but I sat in the back and distanced myself from most. It was very difficult to be out, but I will go out again tonight, and I will go to work in the morning. I feel like I am moving underwater, and I am mired in shame and guilt for not doing more, not doing better. I am home with my 12 year old daughter and we spend a lot of time together, even lying in bed watching a movie or television program, but I feel like a failure for not being more.
I still can't shake my father's voice telling me to get up and get moving. He makes it sound so sensible. Just do it, right? So I get up and I shower and I'm clean but I'm tired and I need to lie down again. Or, I'll go out, but the sun will hurt and noises are too loud and traffic frightens me and I want to come home again.

I hate to think I'd sound like anyone's father, and I feel like an idiot thinking that it's so simple because I know it's not, but there are still times when I have to force myself to "just do it".

For a few months I plopped my kids in front of a TV with a frozen meal while I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. I still have guilt over that, I felt like I was ignoring them.

During that time I also had problems with taking care of myself. I didn't want to shave, shower, eat right, put on deodorant, anything. I just didn't give a crap about myself. But every morning I put one foot in front of the other, took a shower, did the best I could, and somehow made it through every day. I guess it was my version of "suiting up and showing up". I still think about how I thought I'd feel like that forever, but if it hadn't passed I wouldn't be here posting this.

I'm pretty impressed with your thought patterns, you're a lot stronger than I was Ro! Please don't disappear, I know there's a lot of people who admire your recovery. I know I sure do!

[cmc]

{{{Ro}}}

[nandm]

Originally Posted by Astro

In early recovery and before I started taking the meds I felt like Winnie The Pooh walking around with a black rain cloud over my head. Life felt dark, miserable, and unbearable. Nobody deserves to live like that, I hope you find something that works for you soon.

Couldn't resist the chance to tease you a little here. It was Eyore that was the one with the cloud hanging over his head. I only know this because he was the character I identified with for many years. I still love the character because he reminds me of who I have been and who I still can be.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by nandm

Couldn't resist the chance to tease you a little here. It was Eyore that was the one with the cloud hanging over his head. I only know this because he was the character I identified with for many years. I still love the character because he reminds me of who I have been and who I still can be.

I stand corrected! Thanks Judith;-) Ya see, the fog still hasn't lifted for me yet!

[Rowan]

Eeyore - of course. I kept trying to envision Pooh bear with the rain cloud and it wasn't working - I was a big Winnie the Pooh fan (my uncle called me Pooh) and was sitting here, unable to make the connection. Brain fog. Urgh.
Ah Scott, I do understand what you mean about suiting up and showing up and that's what I will do. But it hurts so much.

[nandm]

((((Ro)))))))))

CMC brought up a good point about the hormone therapy. My s/o also had to start taking birth control pills to help with the moods r/t hormones. So between the birth control pills, the thyroid medication, and Cymbalta she does pretty good most of the time now. But it is such a thin line that I am thankful she is open to it when I tell her that I think she might be needing a med adjustment because I see signs of depression setting in. Have you considered an endocrinologist. They are usually more informed to help with disorders such as thyroid and hormones and might be able to even help with the antidepressants as if the two other conditions were treated and stabilized then the anti depressants may not be needed or only needed in low doses.

I can completely related to just wanting to fade away. Not long ago I posted a thread "I just want to run away". There are still days when I feel that way. Today has actually been one of them. It helped though when I went to the BP Town thread and read the responses there. Helped me realize how many people are in this life raft with me and if we all work together we can survive this and even occassionally enjoy a beautiful sunset together.

Glad you are posting here. You are someone I have a lot of respect for and it is comforting to know that I am not alone in my struggles even someone like yourself has days that are rough but it doesn't change who you are inside. You are a strong woman. You can get through this time. We are all with you here. Thanks for posting.

[frstnm]

rowan
I just got switched to welbutrin and celexa
at least I will know what to do if I have problems
thx

[Done_With_It]

Ro,

I am kind of on the same wave length as Teach. I had pretty severe suicidal patterns for years. Effexor helped for a long time, then I lost my insurance and it got bad again, and I ended up on meth for a long time, when I went back on it (effexor), it no longer worked.

I ended back up on Wellbutrin and Topamax, it took awhile to get the anxiety down, etc. and even me out, but I felt great, No suicidal thoughts at all. Everything was better than it had been for along time. Then my doctor decided to take me off my meds and within a few weeks the suicidal thoughts and everything have come back. Took a few weeks, I was hoping/thinking I was cured. But for me it's a great combo, but like Teach said it takes a while to , I dunno, to set right with my brain or something...
It just works really well, I've found out for sure, it's a good combo for me.

That's me anyway.

I wish you luck..

[Rowan]

I saw my doc today and have decided to go on Paxil. I have tried several a/d's but never this one. I hope it works. My thyroid levels are within the normal range and I am to stay on the synthroid to ensure it stays as such. My iron is quite low which would likely explain the fatigue. I picked up a good slow-released iron supplement today. I start my new job on Monday (temporary) and have a huge test on the 18th for another job I have applied for. I have stacks and stacks of information to study.

I feel less depressed these last couple days although I am crazy-tired.

[historyteach]

(((Ro)))

I hope the paxil works for you. And glad you found out about the iron.
Good luck on the job and the test.
Let us know how it's going.

Shalom!

[stone]

Hi Ro, I hope the Paxil works for you.

I have been on Citalopram for about 10 years and I have a feeling it isnt working anymore. I tried an increase in dose before xmas which made me angry all the time so I went back to my normal dose (as you know!).

I have been drinking about once a week lately (since new year) although I have gone 3 weeks without quite often, I think the depression is what caused me to relapse but now drinking is making things worse. The anxiety from the last time I drank is still with me, so anxious I can barely get out of bed, suicidal thoughts too.
I am seeing my Doc soon, I hope we can work something out, right now I HAVE to not drink.

Sorry to go on about me in your thread, I hope you dont mind. I felt moved to say how I felt.

Once again, I hope things improve for you soon, you are very special.

[alabangcute]

Try asking your psychiatrist about SNRIs. Celexa or citalopram is an SSRI. They are different classes of anti-depressants. Good luck and God bless!

[madscientist]

Hi Rowan, sorry to hear that the meds aren't working effectively and you're in a tough spot.

I'm a relative newcomer to the AD scene, but I had great luck with Lexapro for anxiety. Took it for about a year, trying to figure out dosing to get it to give the depression a kick in the butt, but that never happened. I bottomed out emotionally at the beginning of this year, so the doc switched me to Effexor XR, which is an SNRI. I've had alot of trouble with fatigue and motivation and the hope is that the dual mechanism will help with that. I'm also taking Gabapentin for anxiety (off label). I'm not convinced it's helping, but my pdoc has a very methodical, slow and steady approach to dose increases, etc.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on. I hope the new meds help!