Help!!

[sailorjohn]

Not sure, almost but not quite. Met the so 17 months ago, was still drinking at the time, and married, as we both were, so I didn't have a good overall picture of what was going on. I did think after a period of time that she was drinking waaay too much, the thing that eventually led me back to AA, and a pretty good indicator of how sick I was.

I finally had the flash, wtf, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I played with it for a week, then had the second flash, the reason I was so desperately attracted to this woman. She was just like my Mom. Just like my Mom, except improved, more outgoing and better people skills, at least in public. My bipolar, alcoholic Mom.

So, I've been fighting this relationship since about the time of my sobriety date, I told her almost immediately, can't say I was dumbstruck when she greeted the news of my alcoholism with immense hostility. My first sponsor told me to end it, she was pissed but she managed to drag me back almost immediately. I shouldn't say "drag me back", I really went along quite willingly. The longest I've managed to separate myself is two months.

The last time, I really thought I had it beat. She was being extremely nasty, this was usually her tactic-one, anyways-when we'd split. So she shows up on my doorstep unannounced at 1:30 on a Sunday morning, completely wasted, barefoot and with no coat on in 12f weather. She was supposed to start work in 3 hours, corporate customer service on the phone, and she really can't even drive. I know, I probably should have just driven her home, as my Dad suggested, should not have gotten involved with her again. That was over two months ago, been lurching from crisis to crisis ever since.

I could relate some of the details of the low points of this relationship, not being self deprecating here but if you had them and had the power you would probably have me involuntarily committed for my own good.

She has no family, her alcoholic Dad and his alcoholic girlfriend being the closest "others", all of her friends have problems just as serious as her own, I am one of four sober people in her life of any significance, two of them being her young children, the other seems to be clueless as to her problems, and really isn't that close in any event. I have ugly mental images of her older dead sister, a schizophrenic crack addict that was murdered and dumped on the side of the road, an adopted child like my so.

I need you guys to tell me I am absolutely doing the right thing if I walk away from this, watching this is more than I can bear but every time I've walked away it's felt more like a death than anything else. I've begged, pleaded, cajoled, manipulated, but nothing has registered with her. God help me.

[Latte]

You can't save people who don't want to be saved.

That is about all I can say.

My thoughts are with you.

[historyteach]

SailorJohn;

Welcome to SR and the MH forum!

Looks like you're a "double winner!" Alcoholic and codependent.
I highly recommend a book called Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. And to visit our Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum here on SR. Because Latte is right. You cannot help someone who will not help themselves. And you will get caught up in their chaos. It can, and it will, drag you down if you don't learn how to seperate yourself and detach with love. She needs to find her own way. If her children are in danger, call social services. It's the kindest thing you can do. My son is an addict; I speak from experience.

I wish you well on your journey. Please let us know how it's going for you. We care.

Shalom!