Don't know if meds would be a good idea

[AbsentFriend]

I was told years ago by an on-campus counselor that I was dysthymic, despite my thinking that I was fine. (I thought this because I had gotten past a major depression episode a few months earlier.) I realized later that I was anything but fine, but found it interesting that, just like in high school, other people knew I was unhappy long before I did.

More recently, a recent graduate of a psychology masters' program (who is 64, and whom I have known for 2 years) diagnosed me as having dysthymia and generalized anxiety disorder. I am also curious about the possibility of mild PTSD (not one major traumatic incident, but definitely sustained childhood trauma).

What I have been doing:

I have been in group therapy for nearly a year, working exclusively on becoming aware of my feelings and relating to other people from that authentic, more vulnerable place.

I am currently in a relationship, which is the most emotionally intimate relationship I have ever been in (through a LOT of work), but it is a breeding ground for my abandonment fears. Overall, though, we have gradually gotten closer and braver, and we have found the Imago type of couples therapy to be extremely helpful (2 sessions so far).

I have also been attending ACA meetings 3-5 times a week for a few months.

Where I still struggle:
As recently as 4 weeks ago, I had brief suicidal thoughts after a painful argument with him (I blamed myself - hated myself - for being the way that I am and reacting the way I did). I thought I was such a horrible person that to live would only bring more pain to the people I loved. I was able to separate myself from those thoughts within a few minutes, however, and recognize that it was "disease" thinking and NOT really who I am.

It can be hell living with 1) the repeating thoughts that I am "never good enough," 2) the fears of abandonment that turn quickly to anger when triggered, and 3) the shame after starting (and continuing) an argument that has nothing to do with the present.



Does anyone relate to this story, and/or take medication (now or in the past)? Did you find it helpful and/or worth the potential side effects?

THANK YOU in advance.

[ksos]

Hi AbsentFriend...

It sounds to me as if you have a pretty darn good program in you life! I am and have been a licensed mental health practitioner for over 20 years--but I am a fellow mental health consumer and drug addict, so please just take what I say as my experience with the diagnostic implications of what you have experenced.

From my experience, I will tell you that Dysthymia is one of the most over-used diagnoses in the field, for it is a very comfortable diagnosis for both clinicians to use and the "easiest" for a client to accept. Most importantly, it is insurance reimbursable, and sadly, if you are using your insurance coverage for any of the treatment you have been receiving--you "fit" in with approximately 85% percent of those individuals who fit the followin profile: A highly functioning, middle to-upper-middle class individual with none to minimal dysfunction in the areas of occupational, social, and educational life events.

Essentially, you are diagnosed as a "normal" person who has a bout of the occasional blues. By the way, Genralized Anxiety Disorder or GAD, is also another safe and acceptable diagnosis by both clinicans and consumers. Just substitute the words "occasional blues" with the words "instances of free-floating sensations of anxiety or nervousness."

Based on the way you even wrote your post, it is evident to me that you are a highly educated person and I actually would keep that post--even print it out--if you are truly concerned about needing something relating to medication. It would be highly irresponsible for anyone to suggest you need medication on a message board. However, if you truly concerned about your repeated feelings of self-loathing (I happen to be concerned) as well as the recent suicidal thoughts (I am concerned), maybe a consultation with a psychiatrist would not be a bad idea.

I will say a few things about suicidality. No matter how "brief" or even unimportant they may seem now, this remains a serious concern.

When you mention suicidal thoughts-albeit brief in duration or content, a qualified mental health professional should ask you if you are still experiencing them now, if you have a plan to actually harm yourself, in what way would you attempt to harm yourself, and if you feel that you arwe not in control of your actions at this point in time.

If the answer to any of the above is yes, call '911 and wait for them to arrive.

I am adamantly opposed to giving any "medical advice" since I am not your MD. However, I believe what I just stated to you in terms of what you MUST do, supercedes any sanction that a forum like this may impose.

Good luck, anyway, and I think you are working a sound, appropriate mental health program for yourself! I think, however, that it could not hurt to get a second opinion from a Psychiatrist or Psychologist.

[historyteach]

Hi, AbsentFriend;
And WELCOME!!!

Ksos is correct about the suicidal thoughts. Please do take them seriously. And, if at any point in time, you begin to make any plans, call 911 yourself immediately.
THIS IS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY

Ksos, there would never be sanctions for recomendations like you've given.
Thank you.

One other thing, AbsentFriend.
Have you considered one to one therapy? Although group therapy is fine for many things, I think you may get benefit from personalized therapy too. Just a thought.
I wish you well. And I hope to get to know you better as we all strive onward towards our recovery.

Shalom!

[Freedom1990]

When I started having suicidal thoughts again late in the year last year, I decided to start back up in therapy. I also requested medication evaluation with a licensed psychiatrist at the facility.

I am one of those people who in spite of doing everything possible including working a strong program of recovery, have a chemical imbalance that triggers depression.

A proper psychiatric evaluation by a recommended professional in the field would be recommended.

I'm confident in my psychiatrist's decisions as he works directly with my therapist as far as my case goes.

[unbroken]

Seeing as you have all of the bases pretty well covered.....Have you checked into any supplements? There is a mineral supplement called EMP by True Hope that Discovery Health did a whole program on, you can watch it on Youtube I believe. My husband has been on it for several months and is doing quite well with it. I take SAMe and Chromium and do well with those two. St John's Wort didn't help me at all, I guess it depends on the person. I know all the B vitamins and Zinc are very important and calcium really helps with anxiety. You could have your blood drawn to make sure you are not deficient in anything or have abnormal blood sugar, thyroid, that kind of thing.

Best of Luck!

[AbsentFriend]

My sincere thanks to everyone who responded. After I posted, but before I came back, I thought to myself, "How embarrassing - I had these concerning thoughts weeks ago. I shouldn't have even said anything." But then I had to tell myself, "Get off this shame spiral before it starts, and just look to see what the nice SR people had to say."

And what I got was a direct response to what I was thinking:

Originally Posted by ksos

No matter how "brief" or even unimportant they may seem now, this remains a serious concern.

Thank you for your concern, and I want to confirm that I have NEVER made any such plans. My concern was with the fact that the thoughts popped into my head in the first place, even though I was able to recognize within minutes that I didn't have to believe what I was thinking about myself.

Thank you, though, for saying that it's okay to call it an emergency if I do feel scared. My own thoughts don't have to scare me if I know that my thoughts will not determine my actions. I will have your words in my head now.

Originally Posted by historyteach

Have you considered one to one therapy? Although group therapy is fine for many things, I think you may get benefit from personalized therapy too. Just a thought.

I have. But then I feel guilty - I have people who care about me, many ACA meetings, a therapy group run by someone I like, and even couples therapy (not to mention a boyfriend willing to go with me). But I also feel like I need someone to look me in the eye and directly challenge my thinking. Like I need to say more than what there is room to say in a group. Like my boyfriend, bless his heart, is bearing too great a burden when he still has to reassure me (though I have had the opportunity to take care of him as well, and don't see it as a burden - so that should tell me something).

Anyway, maybe I will do that - one-on-one, that is - since no one on here has yet told me that I'm already getting too much help

[TiredMama]

I know a lot about the shame spiral. It's hard to ride down but when you realize you aren't spiraling alone, you see that it is isn't so "wacky" after all.

[ksos]

AbsentFriend....

Thank you for sharing about the "thoughts"...You do sound like you understand what the "issues" are and I can piggy-back on what HistoryTeach and others have stated here about other alternatives you may use.

Even with your support network, you're right. No one here is saying you have "too much" support. I love the idea of group therapy, and I should find time in my life for that as well, despite my involvement in 12 steps and my 2 basic MDs who are detoxingg me from serious meds. I know that I have to push myself and, until, I get into an inpatient rehab, I really need to get into a therapy group, as I know I am still suffering from many things--even if I am not considering ending my life right now...