BP Town----Open to anyone who rides the roller coaster

[cinderellawkids]

Oceanography, Im jealous

My focus for today:

I will make this day a happy one,
for I alone can determine what
kind of a day it will be.

[nandm]

cinderellawkids, thank you for the quote. I needed that today.

So far today is better than yesterday. Back still hurting. Really want to avoid taking the oxycodone (I hate taking it two days in a row). Not as much anxiety. One thing I did not do yesterday that should have been done is take my antianxiety medication, Klonopin. Novel concept for helping when the anxiety is out of control. Not sure why my brain didn't think of it. As I still have more anxiety than usual today, I am going to take my klonopin right now.

Ok back now, took my medicine. Had forgotten to take my Cymbalta this morning so it is a good thing I thought about the Klonopin.

Got my oceanography final done and turned in with 2 minutes to spare. Whew! That was a relief. Now if I can just get the oceanography research paper finished and turned in by 6pm when it is due then I will be finished with that class for the term. Finished with the calculus last night but worried I may have bombed the final. Can't change that now. Feel I did pretty good on the oceanography final. After today I will only have the sociology paper to finish by Friday, considering I haven't started it (procrastination) that might be a lot of work. Self induced troubles and stress. I know that procrastination only brings stress, not sure why I continue the behavoir. I get so far into the anxiety that I just want to run from everything, that is when the procrastination is the worst. I hate PTSD. I hate not being the functioning, contributing member of society that I once was. Ironically, that was when I was drinking. The PTSD did not hit full force until I stopped drinking. Guess in some ways life was easier numb. No, there is no worry that I think drinking is an option for me as I know that it is a slow suicide that brings those I love down with me. If I were to want to kill myself I wouldn't do it in a slow way that creates chaos and harm to others like drinking myself to death, I would just get it over with. Seen enough ways to do that while working as a paramedic.

Ok project list for today.

• Oceanography research paper
• yoga
• Use TENS unit for back pain
• AA business meeting (I am the business meeting secretary so I am obligated to be there)
• AA meeting, since I am supposed to chair to celebrate my birthday
• not sure what else......guess just get through today

It is ironic that I would be chairing the meeting this week to share for my birthday when this past two weeks has been so tough. The roller coaster has run rampant. The anxiety has been out of control. I realize that the PTSD and my alcoholism are two separate issues. Unfortunately, it is in times like this that the PTSD leaves me feeling I have nothing to offer in the way of experience, strength, and hope for the alcoholism. Although I do, as I am sober today. My life is better in so many ways. Yes, the PTSD is insanity but it is different than the insanity of alcoholism.

Well, it is off to work on the list I go.

[cinderellawkids]

feeling a little anxious but sitting here in a dark computer room watching my 120 gallon aquarium and the turtles in it swimming gracefully up and down is so peaceful, while the other turtles are basking in their artificial sun under the trickle of their waterfall is so peaceful. I wish I could I share it more with you all

[BUTTERFLY-7]

:atvI just want 2 thanx the founder 4r this BP home town man now I could relate 2 people like me thanx GOD 4r BP town I been in dark cloudy rainy town 4r 2 long now I was diagnost with this cripeling disease 4'r almost 4'r yrs. now but in between those 2 yrs. I was in denial 4r 2 yrs until I came back the third time around 2 recovery and that's when I star it feeling the symptoms of this escruchiating disease call BIPOLAR I know now I'm on my way 2 recovery I dont have by all means necessary money 2 pay taxes so thanx GOD 4'r the creater of this B.P TOWN thanx naadm & historie teach 4'r urfeed back's and word storie's that u had send me on my last post of M.H. and the web site 411 bless&b-bless I feel better already.

[SpaceDementia]

Just wondering, could I be dictator and supreme ruler of BP Town???

[nandm]

Originally Posted by SpaceDementia

Just wondering, could I be dictator and supreme ruler of BP Town???

Unfortunately, it appears the roller coaster is the dictator and supreme ruler of this town.....

[BUTTERFLY-7]

I was just wondering are we aloud to run 4'r mayor with out payin'gTAXES,L.O.L is good 2 b home man I was lost but now I'm found thanx guy's

[barb dwyer]

I've found our mascots!

be aware - this is a video of 'fainting goats - in case anyone might get offended.....

YouTube - Fainting Goats

we can just put up a fence around my trailer?

[cinderellawkids]

Can we please leave politics out of BP town? LOL

[nandm]

Ok Barb the goats are great. I will even help you build the fence. Pulling up with a truckload of wood now.

Yes, politics suck, especially right now with our wonderful presidential election coming up. But fortunately our political system here at BP world is pretty simple. Each person is responsible for their own actions, no taxes, if someone is hurting or in need of help rather than increasing taxes we all just pitch in and give them a hand up, we respect each others rights to enjoy life and even to have days that are tough and leave us irritable and grouchy, we respect that there are days when we may wear our emotions on our sleeves and take even the wind blowing our direction as a personal assault but since we have all been there we are tolerant, loving, supportive and patient with the person who is struggling. No room for mayors, president, elections, we are self sufficient through our own commonalities of struggling with mental health issues.

Thanks everyone for being here. The town is really shaping up into a great place.

[nandm]

Weather report:

Spring is in the air. The dogwoods are in bloom, such a wonderful smell, those light pink and white blossoms, so delicate in their movements when the breeze hits them to send their aroma down to awaiting noses.

The river is running a little high but bubbling right along. The sound of the occassional splashing as a fish jumps out of the water to catch a bug for dinner mixes quite well with the bubbling sound of the river. The water is warm today, just right for a quick dip. Might want to go down near the waterfall if you plan on skinny dipping though as it is more secluded. Lots of trees with a few large boulders scattered around to sit and have lunch on. "Hey, look over there" Pointing to the right. "its a doe with a young fawn who barely is old enough to have her legs under her, what a peaceful site."

The birds are happy today, there is an eagle circling around BP town today just enjoying, welcoming, and protecting all our residents. What a windspan, he is one of the biggest eagles I have seen.

The breeze is just enough to carry the smells of bread baking in the oven. "Got to find out who's baking that bread, I love fresh baked bread. There is nothing quite like it straigth out of the oven with butter, mmmmmh can't wait to taste it."

Look at those fluffy clouds...what shape can you make out of them. Can you find the one that looks like Santa Claus?

What a soft blue sky, such a relaxing color. The sun is perfect as it touches the face with its warmth. Bringing color to the cheeks and a smile to the face.

I see some butterflies over there by Butterfly's house, she must have planted butterfly bushes to attract them. I have never seen such a variety of colors in butterflies. Thanks for bringing them here Butterfly

The smell of a campfire coming from Barb's camp is so welcoming. I may have to invite myself over for some s'mores. Barb, I will even bring some reeses peanut butter cups they make a great s'more.

Cinderella, the fish you released into that little stream running by your house are pretty cool looking fish. Such vibrant colors. Thanks for sharing them with us.

Space, hope you stick around even if you can't be dictator supreme. We like spacey people....lol Just making a pun of your name, hope that was not a bad thing as no ill intent was intended.

Hope everyone has a great day.

My day is starting off better today, took a Klonopin early to keep the anxiety at bay. My list is almost complete. Just my sociology project to complete. Not too stressed about that though as I can still get a B without even turning the paper in. So it is time to relax a little. Do my yoga and appreicate the beautiful weather we are having here.

[cinderellawkids]

The eagle better not carry away too many fish, LOL.

Its just beautiful with a light breeze today

[BUTTERFLY-7]

so this is he famous B.P. TOWN HURRAY!!!!!!!!cause I've been driving 4'r 2 long

[BUTTERFLY-7]

HI gang just droping in I'm BIPOLAR but 4r the pass 48 hrs. Ive was in looney tunetown thanx GOD 4'r this town I'm surrendering to my cripling disease call BIPOLAR I never taugh it will hit me hard 2 come in torm's with admitting my disease I was really in denial I still dont got coverage and I know many of you guy's did your best 2 help me but I only cualifie 4'r the discount card for prescription but is al right I will survive I didn't die out there went I was running and dipping I'm sure not going 2 die now

[barb dwyer]

Ok Barb the goats are great. I will even help you build the fence. Pulling up with a truckload of wood now.

*whew*
You have no IDEA how I worried about those goats making the 'wrong' impression!
But I saw 'em and thought ' they're PERFECT! They need the peace and qquiet of the creek - as badly as WE do. So yuep - we'll be building a fence.

And occasionally - we're gonna get a laugh out of them as well.

The smell of a campfire coming from Barb's camp is so welcoming. I may have to invite myself over for some s'mores. Barb, I will even bring some reeses peanut butter cups they make a great s'more.

ok. I'd have to see that one.
I've never had a Reese's survive that long around me, but I'm game to try anything ... once.

Days are getting longer up here in the rockies, as well.
That's a great sign.
This being the first day of spring, and all.

This is entering a fairly dangerous time for me.
I've quit more jobs in the spring time....
And I've quit many jobs ...
far better than this present one.

*smile*

I won't actually GO anywhere, mind ...
just won't be at work while I'm posting, is all...

[StayinAlive]

i like sheep becouse they make a baaaaa-d azz sweater Is there a market to show our wares.

baaaaaaaa-d joke

[barb dwyer]

I like this. I like how this is reading.

I lived in a camper for almost eleven years.
NOt a teeny tiny thing - a 35 foot thing.
but not a modern stupid thing either.
an older model with character.
I loved it.

I lived in a regular trailer park,
with the Gallatin river less than forty feet off my back bumper.

Talked with the power company today.
I have to give them 100% of my paycheck or they'll cut off my power on the first.
period.

no negotiating.
nothing.

it's warm weather.

they don't negotiate.
they just .. cut you off.

so... the camper sounds really good right now.
When I lived in one - I was 'off the grid' for most of the time.
They could do whatever they wanted.
I owned my propane - and that ... was that.
I'd LOVE to go back to that.
I have turned everything over to the God of my understanding ... and what will be .. will be.
But it's a harsh reality of living in Montana.

I'm not the only 'poor' person it's happening to right now.

SO this commuinity - is reading real pleasant to me.

Think I'm gonna go feed the goats.

[StayinAlive]

isn't that just a kick in the pants , run a cord to your neighbors

[barb dwyer]

LOL

you're cute.

like I say - I don't MIND being poor- I just don't like having my nose rubbed in it.

[nandm]

stayin alive, I loved your baaaaad aaaass joke. Very cute.

Barb, there are days when I feel like it would be nice to just declutter my life and pack up the dogs, a few clothes and escape from the world for a while. I hate how high gas prices have gotten, there is no way I could have taken my trailer out this year. Costs way too much to tow it. But since it is gone now guess I don't need to worry about it. I loved being able to go camp in the bay, put out a few crab traps, throw some food on the grill, watch the tide come in and just relax and enjoy the natural sounds of life. I will miss that this year.

Glad you are enjoying BP town. The people here have sure made it a nice place to visit. I am thankful for each of you.

I spent a large part of my childhood in an imaginary world to escape what was happening around me. I lived in books. Loved to get lost in them. I even had an ongoing theme to think about each night to put myself to sleep. I lived a whole nother life inside my imagination. There was a point in my childhood when I wondered which world was actually the real one. In retrospect I can see why, as the world should be a safe place for children, they should not have to be afraid and in pain.

But long story short that is one of the reasons I like BP town. I can post here and I feel better. I am not alone. There is a whole world of real people just like me and I can share a safe place with them. Thanks for being a part of the town.

[cinderellawkids]

me too nandm, amybe thats why I put so many flowers in my yard to pretend Im in a different place, and world

[Live]

I am living in the imaginary world of books as we speak. Hubs and I just reconciled, but when he in good faith made some confessions I lost it all, yelling, demanding and in that insanity told him to leave. I don't know where he is or how to get hold of him. I want to make amends. SIGH.
My goal is to pull myself together by Monday to find a job quick!

[nandm]

Cinder, I think your house deserves the "yard with the biggest variety of flowers" sign in it here at BP. I can picture it now. Beautiful, with a nice intermixing of aromas, colors, and shapes. A natural painting.

Live, I can so relate. I have had periods in my adult life where books became my refuge once again. I am so grateful to the many gifted people who are able to write them for me to enjoy and escape in. Two of my all time favorite books are: The Grapes of Wrath by Stienbech and To Kill a Mockingbird I can not remember the woman authors name right now. But both touched on both sides of human character and triumphing over lifes difficulites. Great examples of how to treat others even those that we do not understand. I have developed other favorites over the years but these have carried me through since I was about 12 years old. Still haven't found anything that beats them for me yet.

Weather today is shaping up to be quite nice. The early morning clouds are burning off as the air warms to a nice 75 degrees. The baby rabbits are jumping through the fields in play. Squirrels are chasing each other around and around the trees. There is a cat watching the squirrels over there planning his plan of attack, guess he doesn't realize he will never catch them (this is BP town bad things don't happen here, we can just come her to share out bad things from the outside world and inside of us). The official weather report will come later today but as this is BP town it will not be much different than yesterday's. For those that love the rain, you can always head to the south side of town. That is the gentle rainstorm side. Nothing like the sound of rain on a tin roof. Relaxing, soothing, and calming. Perfect place to go do yoga or meditate.

[nandm]

Perfect for a
or just

Personally I am off for a hike with my beagles. Don't worry if you hear the howling I don't let them actually catch anything but the cat and he loves to be loved on by them.

Enjoy the weather here at BP town and have a great day!

[nandm]

What a wonderful hike. Perfect for the soul, mind, and body. Saw a couple of golden eagles. What a beautiful site to watch them soar across the sky, floating along the current of the wind. Very peaceful and serene, until the quietness of the moment was broken when my youngest beagle, Grace, caught the scent of a rabbit.....howlllll, hhhoowwlll, howling away and off she went. Fortunately, she is too much of a chicken to go far without looking back to make sure I am in eyeshot. Plus my 14 year old beagle, Lucy, went after her to round her up. She loves to play little momma and is very good at it. We hiked about 6 miles worth of trail. Across several bridges covering babbling brooks. Up and down sloping trails. There were ferns growing out of moss on the trees. It is amazing how silent yet full of the sounds of life a forest can be. The mixture of shades of greens, browns, yellows, and whites all in just the right proportion made a wonderul palette for the eye. Wish you could have been there. I can't seem to get pictures to post for me the files always fail to load otherwise I would have posted a few so your could have enjoyed the hike too. Oh, well close your eyes and use your imagination. Hope everyone has a relaxing and pleasant Easter.