Funny How We're The Last To Know ... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

barb dwyer · 02-19-2008, 07:13 PM

Hi everyone...

This is kinda new for me.

Recently, I went to the doctor and took some tests for the Montana mental health Program.

I passed.

In fact - I blew their doors off.
All eyebrows are raised at the local clinic.
Ol' Barb scored off the charts, it seems.
There's a new star at the ... ok I'll drop it... heehee.
(but move over, Jack Nicolson)

*nervous laugh*

Actually - I've 'gotten away' with particular mental health conditions that appear to plague others all my life because I am an artist. What hinders others, acually enhances my own perfromance is what I'm trying to say.

However, when I began to drink like the alcoholic I am, I experienced Depression for the first time.
News to me.
Boy did that ever suck.

I now have a new and true compassion for those who I read talking about it here on the boards, however. Depression was an amazing learning experience for me. I am unspeakably grateful that my own expereience was only as long as it was.

*I* am the one who figured out what was going on and got myself off the lexapro, which had gone from being helpful to being causal ... and I stress that this was individual ... and that in the last three months I've been having a reallhy really hard time of it.
I feel it's important to be educated in your own treatment as much as posible, and to have an ongoing relationship with your healthcare provider.

I have been blessed with this.

I will be scheduling meetings with the in house therapist person, and am going to be taking TOPAMAX to begin.

My eyes tend to glaze over when I read about things like bi polar .... the term is becoming so cliche' my brain just wants to shut off at the hearing of it... so I look forward to reading more of your threads and posts as I learn more about this condition, and sharing with those you you who will share with me in hopes we can learn from each other and handle this together.

So far, it is agreed that I am not actually depressive so much so that makes me a certain 'type' which of course I didn't pay attention to - LOL.

Thanks fof letting me share.
Let's blow the stigma off this stuff.

I mean, if it's okay for the Earth Mother to be Bi Polar ... it's okay for me, too.

1963comet · 02-19-2008, 08:30 PM

Mover over Jack! Barb you are to funny.

Thank's for sharing.

WLDKATZ · 02-19-2008, 08:33 PM

oh Barb I understand and you are so right I think a lot of ppl tend to put too much trust into other ppl for their solutions and need to do some digging on their own......
Good Luck and God Bless!

Pamm

TiredMama · 02-19-2008, 10:11 PM

What a great post. Thanks for sharing and I totally agree about knowing. It feels better to know if you are 'able" to.

StayinAlive · 02-20-2008, 12:13 AM

Ah so its official you have been labeled

I think i know how you feel Barb. When the psychiatrist put a name to to the symptoms i was having it took a little while for it to settle in with me. Treatment (meds) for BPII helped but were limited due to amounts of alcohol i was using. I have always suffered from depression since i was a little boy but i think the BPII symptoms were induced by my alcohol abuse. As i have mentioned before with 6 months clean i am now off all meds. And i am not opposed to going back on them if i need to. Good luck with the Topomax. Hope your feeling better soon.

I am guessing mania and art would be a good mix, at what studios can i find your work

historyteach · 02-21-2008, 01:18 AM

Let us know how you do -- I"m especially interested about how you do on the Topamax.

Shalom!

barb dwyer · 02-21-2008, 11:57 PM

Teach - only the second week - so I'm reserving comment. But am hopeful.

Since I was back at the doc -
I made the appt to see some counselor guy ...

*sigh*

look -
I'm almost fifty.
I've been married, divorced.
I've raised two kids,
well, tried to anyway...
I've lived on ranches, horse farms ...
I've lived in mansions and pickup campers
hay lofts and trailer parks.
I've been chased by pool boys and crazy men with guns in blizzards....
I know that when you're shot at -
the brick chip flys out and it hits you in the face
BEFORE you hear a gunshot ...
I've BEEN to both the mountain top
and the rodeo.

Therefore-
It's gonna take a lot more than a 'DR' in front of your name to impress me.

I'm not into all this label/steps/fal de rah stuff the medical community takes its self importance from you know?

Anyhow - so I make the appointment.
And he calls.
He gives me the ole 'just want to touch base and give you an idea of what we'll be talking about and get you familiarized with what we do here and our training at the clinic ....

at some point

because my eyes have long since glazed over regarding whatever it is they do ....

he sez 'let's hope the topamax and the criteria (do something)
your condition ....'

I comment -
'honey, you just try to keep up.'

he kinda nervous chuckles and says -
"WHY do people keep saying that to me regarding you Miz Barb?"

heehee.

I think ... this is going to be more fun than anything.

barb dwyer · 02-22-2008, 12:17 AM

Stayin -

You USED to find my stuff all over the NW. That's all I'm saying right now.

I'm kinda in cog neat-o.

historyteach · 02-22-2008, 01:01 AM

I hope that you'll give the doc, the counselor and the meds a chance to work.
And have a bit of fun while doing so too!

You make a valid point. None of us has to be ga-ga because a person has a few letters after their name. Personally, I normally give them the respect they've earned with the degree upfront, until they've shown that they don't deserve it. That's happened a few times. Not often, but, it's happened.

But, because I do value education, I make that choice to confer my respect upfront. They have learned the requirements of the profession; met the criteria of the discipline; and therefore, earned my respect upfront. Those are my values and choices.

Continue to let us know how it's going...

Shalom!

barb dwyer · 02-22-2008, 01:11 AM

Hey Teach!

wow - didn't expect to see ya on this late -

he's a nice guy, everyone kinda grins when they talk about me meeting him ...
I bet there's an office pool going somewhere around there.

they keep stressing he looks like a hippy... telling me about his pony tail ...

*puzzled look*

Maybe I look like a Dead Head or something?
(I know for a fact I do- it won't go away, that look)

historyteach · 02-22-2008, 01:42 AM

LOL!

Woke up about the forth time tonight coughing again...
I have bronchitis. Yea, school vacation, and I'm sick.
But, I think I have pnemonia now!

I can't wait till 8 am to call my doc. I'm on 875 mg of ampillicin, and getting WORSE instead of better! My chest muscles ache from coughing so much.

LOL! The dead head patient and the hippy therapist!
What a combination! Let me know more about him as you get to know him!

Shalom!

StayinAlive · 02-22-2008, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

Staying -

You USED to find my stuff all over the NW. That's all I'm saying right now.

I'm kinda in cog neat-o.

i wont tell

As far as your doc/councilor goes,you may be a little more open to this process if you pretend he is a recovered addict

True he may not feel your pain but he may have a few goodies you can take home. Just go for the ride hun and see were it takes you.

**Ann** · 02-22-2008, 02:25 AM

Quote:

*sigh*

look -
I'm almost fifty.
I've been married, divorced.
I've raised two kids,
well, tried to anyway...
I've lived on ranches, horse farms ...
I've lived in mansions and pickup campers
hay lofts and trailer parks.
I've been chased by pool boys and crazy men with guns in blizzards....
I know that when you're shot at -
the brick chip flys out and it hits you in the face
BEFORE you hear a gunshot ...
I've BEEN to both the mountain top
and the rodeo.

Therefore-
It's gonna take a lot more than a 'DR' in front of your name to impress me.

Just visiting over here but have to say that's one of the finest pieces of writing I've read in a long time....touched my heart and made me smile all at the same time

So I'm cheering you on and saying a prayer that this lucky counselor/therapist/doctor? will appreciate a fine "study" when he sees one.

Big cheerleader size hugs, Barb.

barb dwyer · 02-22-2008, 02:33 AM

Thank you Ann {{{Hugs}}} back!

I'm actually looking forward to all this attention.

You know, I 'had' a psychiatrist before, 'back in the day'
*I know' the collective 'gasp you don't mean it, barb'*
but it's true... heehee.
Some of the .. resistance is the old -
time stigma attached to it ..
the 'fear of madness thing.

Am I the ONLY one who remembers
'The Three Faces of Eve';
for crying out loud?

Seeing how it 'runs in the family'.

But no, the point was, I actually had a GOOD feeling about the guy ... and was kinda humored how he'd been ... uh ...
'briefed' by the healthworkers in the clinic who knew me as well ...

*Good/bad/ugly/whistle right about here*

barb dwyer · 02-22-2008, 05:31 AM

Teach - please forgive my skippage - let's blame the cold on that one - I can't do any kind of 'cillin' ... I"m all KINDS of allergic.

ZITHROMAX ... LOL ... and you know what? when they say NO DAIRY for two hours before or after - man on man lordy yall they are NOT kidding.... they aren't just blowing air.... YOU ... ok tmi...

just fyi.

barb dwyer · 02-22-2008, 05:32 AM

I hope you're feeling better real soon teach.

historyteach · 02-22-2008, 05:34 AM

Oh, yea;
Three faces of Eve. Actually had 27 personalities, didn't she? And was never fully integrated.

And Sybil. LOL! The actress who played Norma Rae...what was her real name....I can't remember.... did a GREAT job with that one.

I understand that ole fear. And I guess I have a bit of it myself.

Funny how our reputation preceeds us, :rof
(meant in a good way!)

Shalom!

historyteach · 02-22-2008, 05:37 AM

No prob. I'm gonna call my doc at 8 AM. But, it's snowing up a storm now. And it's supposed to add up. But, there's no lab tomorrow. And I really think I have pnemonia now. So, I don't know what to do now. ... Boo hoo....

I love reading your stuff...

Shalom!

barb dwyer · 02-22-2008, 06:38 AM

uh Sally Field ... the flying NUN...

Teach .. you should walk around Butte sometime. The State run facility drops releases here off the bus. They walk the streets till their meds run out.

It is pitiful.
And .. shameful.

I dont know what *I* am afraid of.
Comparatively.

There are no men with nets.
No white coats.
No paddy wagons.
"They" ... don't want the ones ... they got.

It's just an ingrained irrational social stigma.

Any more.

02-19-2008, 07:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	Funny How We're The Last To Know ... Hi everyone... This is kinda new for me. Recently, I went to the doctor and took some tests for the Montana mental health Program. I passed. In fact - I blew their doors off. All eyebrows are raised at the local clinic. Ol' Barb scored off the charts, it seems. There's a new star at the ... ok I'll drop it... heehee. (but move over, Jack Nicolson) nervous laugh Actually - I've 'gotten away' with particular mental health conditions that appear to plague others all my life because I am an artist. What hinders others, acually enhances my own perfromance is what I'm trying to say. However, when I began to drink like the alcoholic I am, I experienced Depression for the first time. News to me. Boy did that ever suck. I now have a new and true compassion for those who I read talking about it here on the boards, however. Depression was an amazing learning experience for me. I am unspeakably grateful that my own expereience was only as long as it was. I am the one who figured out what was going on and got myself off the lexapro, which had gone from being helpful to being causal ... and I stress that this was individual ... and that in the last three months I've been having a reallhy really hard time of it. I feel it's important to be educated in your own treatment as much as posible, and to have an ongoing relationship with your healthcare provider. I have been blessed with this. I will be scheduling meetings with the in house therapist person, and am going to be taking TOPAMAX to begin. My eyes tend to glaze over when I read about things like bi polar .... the term is becoming so cliche' my brain just wants to shut off at the hearing of it... so I look forward to reading more of your threads and posts as I learn more about this condition, and sharing with those you you who will share with me in hopes we can learn from each other and handle this together. So far, it is agreed that I am not actually depressive so much so that makes me a certain 'type' which of course I didn't pay attention to - LOL. Thanks fof letting me share. Let's blow the stigma off this stuff. I mean, if it's okay for the Earth Mother to be Bi Polar ... it's okay for me, too. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

02-19-2008, 08:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
1963comet Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,385	Mover over Jack! Barb you are to funny. Thank's for sharing. __________________ Just Maybe... It is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, But it is also true we do not know what we have been missing until it Arrives.

02-19-2008, 08:33 PM	#3 (permalink)
WLDKATZ Hell on Wheels Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Flint MI Posts: 4,439	oh Barb I understand and you are so right I think a lot of ppl tend to put too much trust into other ppl for their solutions and need to do some digging on their own...... Good Luck and God Bless! Pamm __________________ Good Better best never let it rest until you kick the dog shi! out of the looser!!!!!!!!!

02-20-2008, 12:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
StayinAlive Crazy Cat Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Left Coast Posts: 457	Ah so its official you have been labeled I think i know how you feel Barb. When the psychiatrist put a name to to the symptoms i was having it took a little while for it to settle in with me. Treatment (meds) for BPII helped but were limited due to amounts of alcohol i was using. I have always suffered from depression since i was a little boy but i think the BPII symptoms were induced by my alcohol abuse. As i have mentioned before with 6 months clean i am now off all meds. And i am not opposed to going back on them if i need to. Good luck with the Topomax. Hope your feeling better soon. I am guessing mania and art would be a good mix, at what studios can i find your work __________________ never stop growing

02-21-2008, 01:18 AM	#6 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,884	Let us know how you do -- I"m especially interested about how you do on the Topamax. Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

02-19-2008, 10:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
TiredMama Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 536	What a great post. Thanks for sharing and I totally agree about knowing. It feels better to know if you are 'able" to.

02-21-2008, 11:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	Teach - only the second week - so I'm reserving comment. But am hopeful. Since I was back at the doc - I made the appt to see some counselor guy ... sigh look - I'm almost fifty. I've been married, divorced. I've raised two kids, well, tried to anyway... I've lived on ranches, horse farms ... I've lived in mansions and pickup campers hay lofts and trailer parks. I've been chased by pool boys and crazy men with guns in blizzards.... I know that when you're shot at - the brick chip flys out and it hits you in the face BEFORE you hear a gunshot ... I've BEEN to both the mountain top and the rodeo. Therefore- *It's gonna take a lot more than a 'DR' in front of your name to impress me.* I'm not into all this label/steps/fal de rah stuff the medical community takes its self importance from you know? Anyhow - so I make the appointment. And he calls. He gives me the ole 'just want to touch base and give you an idea of what we'll be talking about and get you familiarized with what we do here and our training at the clinic .... at some point because my eyes have long since glazed over regarding whatever it is they do .... he sez 'let's hope the topamax and the criteria (do something) your condition ....' I comment - 'honey, you just try to keep up.' he kinda nervous chuckles and says - "WHY do people keep saying that to me regarding you Miz Barb?" heehee. I think ... this is going to be more fun than anything. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience. Last edited by barb dwyer; 02-22-2008 at 12:21 AM.

02-22-2008, 12:17 AM	#8 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	Stayin - You USED to find my stuff all over the NW. That's all I'm saying right now. I'm kinda in cog neat-o. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

02-22-2008, 01:01 AM	#9 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,884	I hope that you'll give the doc, the counselor and the meds a chance to work. And have a bit of fun while doing so too! You make a valid point. None of us has to be ga-ga because a person has a few letters after their name. Personally, I normally give them the respect they've earned with the degree upfront, until they've shown that they don't deserve it. That's happened a few times. Not often, but, it's happened. But, because I do value education, I make that choice to confer my respect upfront. They have learned the requirements of the profession; met the criteria of the discipline; and therefore, earned my respect upfront. Those are my values and choices. Continue to let us know how it's going... Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

02-22-2008, 01:11 AM	#10 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	Hey Teach! wow - didn't expect to see ya on this late - he's a nice guy, everyone kinda grins when they talk about me meeting him ... I bet there's an office pool going somewhere around there. they keep stressing he looks like a hippy... telling me about his pony tail ... puzzled look Maybe I look like a Dead Head or something? (I know for a fact I do- it won't go away, that look) __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

02-22-2008, 01:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,884	LOL! Woke up about the forth time tonight coughing again... I have bronchitis. Yea, school vacation, and I'm sick. But, I think I have pnemonia now! I can't wait till 8 am to call my doc. I'm on 875 mg of ampillicin, and getting WORSE instead of better! My chest muscles ache from coughing so much. LOL! The dead head patient and the hippy therapist! What a combination! Let me know more about him as you get to know him! Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

02-22-2008, 02:33 AM	#14 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	Thank you Ann {{{Hugs}}} back! I'm actually looking forward to all this attention. You know, I 'had' a psychiatrist before, 'back in the day' I know' the collective 'gasp you don't mean it, barb' but it's true... heehee. Some of the .. resistance is the old - time stigma attached to it .. the 'fear of madness thing. Am I the ONLY one who remembers 'The Three Faces of Eve'; for crying out loud? Seeing how it 'runs in the family'. But no, the point was, I actually had a GOOD feeling about the guy ... and was kinda humored how he'd been ... uh ... 'briefed' by the healthworkers in the clinic who knew me as well ... Good/bad/ugly/whistle right about here __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

02-22-2008, 05:31 AM	#15 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	Teach - please forgive my skippage - let's blame the cold on that one - I can't do any kind of 'cillin' ... I"m all KINDS of allergic. ZITHROMAX ... LOL ... and you know what? when they say NO DAIRY for two hours before or after - man on man lordy yall they are NOT kidding.... they aren't just blowing air.... YOU ... ok tmi... just fyi. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

02-22-2008, 05:32 AM	#16 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	I hope you're feeling better real soon teach. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

02-22-2008, 05:34 AM	#17 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,884	Oh, yea; Three faces of Eve. Actually had 27 personalities, didn't she? And was never fully integrated. And Sybil. LOL! The actress who played Norma Rae...what was her real name....I can't remember.... did a GREAT job with that one. I understand that ole fear. And I guess I have a bit of it myself. Funny how our reputation preceeds us, :rof (meant in a good way!) Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

02-22-2008, 05:37 AM	#18 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,884	No prob. I'm gonna call my doc at 8 AM. But, it's snowing up a storm now. And it's supposed to add up. But, there's no lab tomorrow. And I really think I have pnemonia now. So, I don't know what to do now. ... Boo hoo.... I love reading your stuff... Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

02-22-2008, 06:38 AM	#19 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,967 Blog Entries: 3	uh Sally Field ... the flying NUN... Teach .. you should walk around Butte sometime. The State run facility drops releases here off the bus. They walk the streets till their meds run out. It is pitiful. And .. shameful. I dont know what I am afraid of. Comparatively. There are no men with nets. No white coats. No paddy wagons. "They" ... don't want the ones ... they got. It's just an ingrained irrational social stigma. Any more. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

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