Mental Health

[DaVinci2]

Been a while since I posted.

I was back on my meds after 4 yrs off (I was only on them once before for panic attacks). Anyways, it seems that me living in Japan under my current living situation is the predominant reason why I have anxiety and depression. These conditions won't change until I move back to Canada (Which may be next year).

Anyways, it seems that I've lost faith in my situation again. The Heath Ledger death is what kinda triggered me to write this, but over the past couple months, my meds stopped helping with the insomnia, which led to increased anxiety and depression (The depression isn't so bad, just a real lack of motivation). I have good days and bad. Some days I wake up and I can't go back to sleep unless I take a Valium. The reason: Every time I close my eyes to sleep, it feels like a shotgun goes off in my head and I wake up.

My doctor told me to up my meds when I feel this way and since Rohypnol is legal in Japan, told me to hold onto to some just in case. I took it once, it helped immensely, but I feared that if I took it daily it would also lose it's effectiveness. I decided it would be an emergency thing only. The taking of Valium on occasion to help with sleep is fine, but not ideal.

Any advice?

[barb dwyer]

Welcome back!

Advice? None.

just thought it might help ya to know I get that 'kabang' in my head from time to time when drifting off to sleep as well.

Gets your full attention, don't it?

Sends *me* off into hypochondriac-land ...
it is a tumor?
hemmorage?
annurism?

Some of the more ... uh ... 'woowoo' types would say you're coming out of /back to your body too fast before/after dreaming ... *shrug*

[liveweyerd]

I have been following your story and I really must agree that the situation you are in is really impossible and resolving it is going to be the only solution.
So, indeed, do what you need to hang on for now.
As Teach says, There is no prize for suffering.

[DaVinci2]

Doc dropped me down in meds. Now I will only take the SSRI twice a day, and the benzo twice a day. Bed meds have changed just a bit, hopefully for the better.

[liveweyerd]

Best wishes!
I do recall your circumstances and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are trying to do the best thing for all......to the point of stretching yourself impossibly thin.
Yep, I remember the whole thing and still cannot come up with any suggestions that are feasible.
As I recall, the only time you have for yourself and stress relief is athletics, is that correct? But then you stress yourself over those as well?
Please correct me where my memory fails.

[DaVinci2]

Yeah, the weightlifting part is fun though. It's the 'good' stress if there is such a thing. It's a competition against myself. Unfortunately I haven't been in the gym for a while because of a neck injury. I'll be back in in May probably.

I need to change the lifestyle I have into something more manageable. I took up photography as a hobby long ago, and it became a part-time profession. I've been doing some walks and hikes to have fun...when summer rolls around I'll be cycling from Osaka to Tokyo so that should be good.