(((((liveweyered Is Back))))))!!!!!!!!!

[shutterbug]

Oh Tena I'm Sooooooooooooooooo happy to see you're name on my screen again!!!!



How are you girl?????


I've missed you Soooooooooo much!!!!!!

[liveweyerd]

Actually I am doing very well.

Ugly circumstances the last month, but it has put me to the test. And I feel good about myself. I am afraid that my husband has not demonstrated the virtues I married him for.
I have been telling myself he was acting out of his illness and is suffering and I will take the position of compassion. But I am also experiencing non-attachment more than I expected. At this time I will not agree to a divorce, which he has asked me for. Later, when I am in a better position, I will. He has asked for an amiable divorce and to be friends. I said no. It's not going to work that way. Friends-wise, I mean. If we divorce, then I want no further contact. Ridiculous thing to ask, if you ask me.

[nandm]

Welcome back! I missed your posts.

[historyteach]

(((Live)))
It's good to have you back, girlfriend...

I'm sorry for your problems...when your ready, we're here for you.

Shalom!

[cinderellawkids]

I missed you Tena, glad you are okay

[liveweyerd]

We are going to marriage counseling.
He is sending mixed messages.
I do not believe divorce is the answer at this time.
I think it is the "easy" way out from problems that should be resolved.
And I made a commitment, so did he....and I am coming from that standpoint right now.
I am sitting back and waiting to see how things go down with his son and when my next project comes thro' requiring relocation. He says he won't move and live with me.
I have a BIG problem with that.
At least he is working now and not on his butt or in bed all the time.
And my meds are working really well for me right now.
The month's separation gave me space to be me and reconnect with that as well.
So......we will see how things unfold.

[cookconfay]

Hugs Live.....you're in my thoughts & prayers!!!!

[pedagogue]

wow...a lot of old faces in here.

*waves*

[PaperDolls]

old faces ...... young minds .......

Tena! I'm so gald you made it back. I missed you. It's great to hear that your meds are working well. That's got to be such a huge relief. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now but I know you're strong for it.

[liveweyerd]

Okay. I know my husband was reacting out of fear and illness. So I just kept saying I love you. And that our vows are that there are two lives but one journey. Last night he said he didn't like the way he had acted and thought that this had been an enlightening experience and growth experience, with much reflection and etc. He does want to try to work things out. As do I. Love is a choice sometimes, I don't always feel loving but at those times I look to my values and beliefs and act according to those as best I can.
I have got a knot in my stomach that stepson and gf are at the patio table with hubs right now. GF is Edie that I broke off with some time back. I did tell hubs this morning that I wanted nothing to do with her and still felt the same about it. He isn't asking me to change and says it is a necessary evil because of circumstances for him. Okay. Stepson is going to be working with hubs outside today. It was/is a good day for me to try to put some order back inside and clean up after hubs month long bacheloring. I did point out to him how dirty some things were as he always tries to tell me he cleans up after himself. Or maybe I will spend it on the spare room putting my clothes away. I do have to go to Wal-mart and pick up refills. Also must get in the form for the free Effexor.
I will probably check in more often today to help stay grounded. Trying not to react to stepson being here....that shouldn't throw my whole day off but it sure makes me feel irritable and hard to stay in the present.

[liveweyerd]

Oh. A day of dirty deals and betrayals. Tabloid details are in pennies thread # 57 (?) pages 9 thro...? He has shown himself to be unworthy of trust or decency. He stormed out of here, and I don't care where he went...as long as I am in my home, better that he leave.
Tomorrow is my birthday and we were supposed to have a marriage counseling appmt at 8 am.
Not to make excuses for him, but I think his fit came partly from being caught red-handed in lies and betrayals.
I deserve better. Either he will be better or I will find better.
I am not doing this drama, lying, unstable day to day thing.

[shutterbug]

Live....maybe this is a stupid question....but is it possible that he is bipolar or something else and is just undiagnosed?

I wish i had the energy to read the Pennies thread...struggling for energy every night these days it seems.

[historyteach]

I'm sorry, Live...

The issues with son and g/f are difficult enough. Add hubby's and you've got your hands full.
Glad you're going to counseling. Is it helping?

Shalom!

[liveweyerd]

Friends, major happenings....I don't have the heart to re-recite it. It is post # 380 in pennies # 57.
Please read.
I need y'all down here, where I live, to know.
Teach, it is his son, my stepson.
I don't have to have anything to do with them except thro' hubs.
Oh, and yes, the counseling is helping altho' I cancelled all appmts for today.

[liveweyerd]

It has come to the point I want this man out of my life. This is not the man I knew and married and has stooped to levels I could never have dreamed of.
Still reports roll in and I am saddened to know that he is capable of such. I am ashamed of him.
Now it is the logistics, nuts and bolts of getting out considering the transitional financial situation I am in.
Any idealism in me is left wiped out.
I need out of this, I need out of here and the sooner the better.
He slandered me to my daughter and she bought it! Such loyalty and respect, eh? I said what I meant and hung up on her. She has a lot to learn.
He even tried to call exabf and even he has more loyalty than that.
Hope he tried my parents like my exH did......talk about cold water in the face, but he wouldn't do that...he went for the vulnerable, my daughter.
How can there be any respect or love left?
I can't find any.

[historyteach]

It is post # 380 in pennies # 57.

I don't understand, Live...I'm sorry....

I know it's your birthday...
I'm sorry it wasn't a happy one for you.
Please do something for you tomorrow. Leave the drama behind. Think only of YOU for the day....You deserve it.

Shalom!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

so sorry that you're having troubles

[shutterbug]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
You don't deserve any of that crap!
Let me at him!!!!!

[shutterbug]

HistoryTeach....somewhere there is another forum where i think each day someone starts a new thread called "Pennies for your Thoughts" or something like that.....

It is very active and gets quite long so i think possibly the number 380 refers to "comment #380" of that thread....which i think each day they number the thread ( So if the thread is "Pennies for your Thoughts #57" today then tomorrow it will be "Pennies for your Thoughts #58".)

I think....
I'm really kind of guessing b/c i tried to figure it out once before....

[historyteach]

I did find it, by following Live's threads. But, I wasn't able to follow exactly what happened, is what I meant. Other than that her husband is acting like a shmuck right now, and her daughter is being a shmuckette!

Live, remember YOU today!

Shalom!

[liveweyerd]

Hey, Zing!!!!!!

Friends.....I am fine. Really. Want to know why.......because I have honored the sacred and taken the high road. I have also not neglected to take care of myself and my plans, no matter which way things go. The project is solid, husband or no. Etc.

The one thing that I am really, really good at (tho' it may not have shown itself at SR) is doing my homework. You know how they say an attorney never asks a question that he doesn't all ready know the answer to. I am like that. I over-do and over-prepare my homework. And with my background, researching all the applicable statutes etc....well, I've done it and a few curiosities will keep me searching. My poor husband would have been so much better off listening to me than his attorney or cronies!
And....shhhhh....I am still an agnostic, but.....I am not smart enought to understand that "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" but I can relate to the Dalai Llama because he speaks simply for those of us who are only able to understand that way. And His Holiness does teach of cause and effect.
So, when it comes to the areas, most especially of the sacred, such as marriage...I just won't violate or play around with such things.
At this moment my husband is a broken man, who called me weeping deeply, that his plans were not feasible. And then called me again to say that I would not get that much as a widow.
My only response to that can be un-attached compassion for a deeply suffering soul.

And to remain the reasonable person businesswoman who has some legal case studies to research etc. As well as a couple other pertinent areas. We met this morning and I was that calm reasonable businessperson, well-armed with the law. Attempted negotiations failed. As I would have expected them to.

Hey, all.....take note...this is ME functioning? Who knew? LMAO

[liveweyerd]

oh......the penny for your thoughts thread is in cafe central and I was referring to which thread and post.

[liveweyerd]

And another BTW........everything is all my fault because I won't grant him a divorce right now.

Been reading Thomas Moore....are you familiar Teach?

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

And another BTW........everything is all my fault because I won't grant him a divorce right now.

Been reading Thomas Moore....are you familiar Teach?

Can you elaborate a little on this or, too touchy a subject?

[liveweyerd]

No, it's not too touchy .....what do you want to know?

I was away for a month at a women's shelter. Now, I am home. He says he thinks separating will help RESTORE our marriage. He is lying. He just doesn't want it to look badly on him that I am in a shelter. I call his bluff. He leaves on his own accord on the 6th, after sleeping in the same bed and engaging in sexual intercourse and on the 7th I gave him what he asked for and AGREED with him (after discovering betrayals) and told him he could find another place to stay for a month. Then he told me he had papers for a separation (there is no legal separation in Florida), I invited him over to drop off the papers for me to look over this morning. There are no papers. My attempt to discuss property settlement was met with smug cockiness. SO, he says, it is cheaper for both of us to go by my attorney to settle things and I say, OKAY, again AGREEING, however I think I should be present at all meetings then. He phones attny. Attny will not represent both of us and the cost of representing him is beyond his ability to pay for.....so he calls me crying like a baby. Not over a lost marriage, but over being thwarted in his divorce plans that leave me in a lurch. It's indecent. Immoral. And don't get me started. And I never ever could have imagined that my husband could act this way.
So, I am contesting the divorce in order to look out for my own interests. I all ready have my next project lined up.
And am arranging dates.
When some heard that I would be single,......well, let's say I am getting invitations.
One exbf wants to know if I will marry him. NO way. We are lucky to be friends.
But when the dust clears, I will accept an invitation from a man who has been interested in me for years to a cabin retreat and fine dining. Thus far, we have been above board friends and networkers, but I have accepted a week of dating.
When I am officially separated or divorced. I think the law says separated.
I tried everything to save my marriage. Anymore would be denial.

You ask. I tell.