bob_sapp

I am a 24 yr old male who is over 2 years sober, and I was diagnosed with this at age 19. I have always had a lot of difficulty with social interaction and communication, and have gotten a lot better in my time sober, but feel like I have approached the limits of what sobriety is going to do to help me in this area. I have friends in the 12 step groups I go to, but so many go back to drinking and drugging, and the loneliness is getting unbearable. If I didn't have this disorder I'm sure I would be drinking and drugging right now, because I know I would have a ton of drinking friends to go back to. Basically, I feel very alone most of the week in recovery, except the 1 or 2 meetings where I see some people my own age. I am in college and have no real friends there, I crave alcohol because I think if I could just drink I could go to bars and meet people my own age. I know I have gained a lot in sobriety but I am scared that my life is never going to improve that much socially or relationship wise. I am seeing a counselor right now which is helping, but I still feel just about the lowest I have since I came into 12 step recovery.

historyteach

Bob;

Welcome to SR!
While there is no cure for aspergers syndrome, there are treatments for some of the conditions associated with it. There are communication and social skills training to help you in situations. Cognitive behavior therapy can help you learn strategies too. Also, certain medications can help you deal with particular behaviors.
Asperger's syndrome: Treatment - MayoClinic.com

Here's a link to a site that may interest you.
Asperger\'s Syndrome in Adults

Please continue to let us know how it's going.
And keep up the good work, going to meetings. The drinking won't get you friends.

Shalom!

comfyone

Hey bob

If you can keep yourself sober around a bunch of people drinking, then maybe you should go out to bars with friends. I know some might think thats a really bad idea, but for someone w/aspergers, it might be worth the risk. But only if you can stay sober.

Personally, I can go to parties where everyone is wasted and keep myself under control. I sip a beer and nobody notices that I'm actually not drinking. And if they do, I guess they don't crack on me for it.

Not sure how severe your asp is, but when you go out, try not to think of everyone else as normal and you as someone with aspergers. We're all human. Just try to have a good time.

If you didn't already find it, wrongplanet.net has a really active asperger's forum. And the rest of the site is really really great too.

Wrong Planet Forums

nandm

Welcome to SR!:ghug

jfk45

My nephew has aspergers syndrome, he is just a kid but he takes some medications. He is on antidepressants, is it possible that you might ask your doctor if you are depressed and have some social anxiety issues.

bob_sapp

I've been on meds for depression, saw psychologists/psychiatrists, did all that ****, nothing helped, so I did drugs/drank. I don't have the same depression I did before, I feel anger and loneliness, and that can cause depression. My family doctor is worthless for any of this, I have tried talking to him. There's basically no resources for adults with this kind of thing.

historyteach

Please don't give up hope.
If the psychiatrist you saw didn't help, get another.
See a social worker who specializes in aspergers.
Try other meds; remember, there are MANY to choose from.
Don't give up on yourself. You've only just begun your life, and honestly, it can take a while to find what's right for you.

I'm sorry you're experiencing such difficulty. Keep posting here while you continue to try and find what will work for you. But, please, don't give up on you.
Because you ARE worth the effort!

Shalom!

reader

Welcome Bob... I might suggest trying to find a support group even one for adhd if one for your condition isn't available since many people have both. What about a place for adult education. Many young people struggle with many issues, my son is one. Try to google VESID they train for free in many states and it would be a great opportunity to meet others.

Found

In some countries there aren't knowledgeable social workers or suitable support groups within reach. I think that in most countries, the former are organised on strict geographical lines and are only available on public funds and not privately (even if one had the funds) and the latter can be beyond reach of public transport in the evenings. Perhaps these factors can also be the case within some parts of the States if that is where Bob is.

I am more than twice Bob's age but when I was around his age I would say the 'charismatic movement' in the churches saved me, though I was binging sometimes then. The values we had was to value uniqueness and unusual phenomena, and those able were very sociable towards the rest of us.

Since it disappeared I was thrown back on myself more.

Personally I have never drank among others, I was always a lace-curtain or otherwise sole drinker.

The only forums I have found for AS are gigantic and too many of the people there have an unhealthy attitude, for example flaunting some kind of weirdness and complacent about it, probably rather able but irresponsible people. If there is a 'typical' Asperger it is someone that experiences themselves to be badly overstretched in some areas. We need to be among people empathetic enough to take seriously our need to constructively negotiate appriopriate adjustments and above all attain acceptance of our limitations all the while improving our sense of self worth. The parallels with chronic pain which many people with this kind of syndrome are in anyway, are striking.

Names like "Wrong Planet" are bad because we are amongst the many right people on the right planet.

I will say to Bob, you are probably nearer to AA groups than Asperger ones. Can you phone & ask AA members to meet you at a coffee house near your college? Thanks for posting, you have helped me carry on having courage to keep on asking people not to get hung up on my language (which it is claimed, isn't 'straight' when frankly it is) and patient with my slowness.

Being honest for example falls within which deadline?

grahamc

I am 41 and have aspergers,i am now sober for 6 months,i have had a lot of treatment for aspergers over the years i.e depression/anxiety/coping methods and i use them all the time to cope with everday life, stopping drinking was a great help but it does not take away all the problems i have ,it is hard work at times but if i were you i would seek help from a doctor who can put you in touch with people who can help with the aspergers syndrome , drinking made my condition a lot worse.

graham

WishIWasNormal

I'm in my mid 50's and have always known I was different. When was Aspergers discovered/defined? I was married over 10 years but instinctively knew I shouldn't have children so had my tubes tied the first year plus took the BC pill to be sure. I never learned social graces and had few friends. I watched my successful peers and tried to imitate the outlook and mannerisms that appeared to be responsible for their social successes. I improved, but the struggle took its toll and I withdrew to a rural location on 85 acres where I happily lived alone with my dog and cat for 13 years until it was sold. I was forced to move into an apartment complex because of financial reasons and have scraped by never answering the phone or door and getting my mail at a P.O. Box 20 miles away. I return the few messages I receive on my answering machine when I have to, but still don't tell anyone where I live. I'm happy to finally have a name for my problem, but how do I start solving it?

This disease has affected my life beyond words but I could never put a name on it until I saw a short documentary on it on TV. Are there any medications for it? I've already been on every anti-depressant known to mankind but the only thing which has "helped" is good old alcohol, which brings its own set of problems.

I will appreciate any insight offered.

barb dwyer

hi WIWN-

Welcome! and GREAT avatar, by the way!

I learned about the disorder (or whatever) by googling it.
There's a goodly amount of information on the condition online, and I know for a fact there's more than one individual who posts here who has it.

Unfortunately ... if there's an OPPOSITE to Asbwerger's... it's me.

Except for the extreme intelligence, of course.
Goes without saying.

Anyhow - just wanted to welcome you, and hope others will come along shortly to help out!!
Oh!

I also watched a PBS special on Asberger's not too long ago - you might find a way to watch it if you go to PBS.org.

historyteach

Hi, wish,
And welcome to SR!

There are a few people here with Ausbergers Syndrome, (Sp?)
So, feel free to read around and get in touch by posting a thread of your own addressing an issue you want to discuss.

Also, Barb was quite right. There's loads of info on the net about this syndrome, (set of symptoms). And a good doc should be able to help you. But, drinking will never help. It is a short term solution, with it's own consequences; for a long term problem. Be careful going down that road.

Let us know how you're doing... We care!

Shalom!

Hazel83

Hi wish,and welcome!.I don't have any advice to offer,but I can definitely relate to your situation and Bob's as well. I'm an (almost) 25 year old female with Aspergers. I've never been professionally diagnosed,but while I was looking up info on social anxiety disorder(which,up until recently is what I thought was going on with me) I came across an aspergers website,and after doing a ton of research I realized that the description of the disorder fit me almost too perfectly,including a lifelong struggle to interact socially.I didn’t start developing any real social skills until I was about 21.When I'm with people, I can usually put on a good show of being friendly and relaxed,however this "fake" personality can be very exhausting at times,and has never allowed me to truly connect with anyone,so as a result I don't have any friends at all,and very few people around me that I can talk to.My only friends are my dogs and alcohol.I also live with my mother,whom I've written about here before,and she abuses alcohol on a nightly basis,and becomes verbally abusive,and downright crazy.Unfortunately I can't afford to move out,and have no friends or other family members to stay with.So when I drink,I kind of go into my own little word where everything is just wonderful.The loneliness fades away and I can pretend that I have no problems at all,and I'm also somewhat numb to the yelling and screaming from my mother.It also helps me sleep,and I also have insomnia,so this makes drinking before I go to bed VERY tempting.
Like I said I can't offer any advice since I'm having the same problems myself,but just remember that you're not alone.I have a feeling that there a lot more people out there like us than the statistics show.

Captain Kirk

hi bob.
when i was about 10 or 11 my mom made me see a dozen diffrent docs untill she found one who said i had the aspergers.
i'm 28 now. and i don't think i have it, or ever even had it at all. my mom still believes i do though.
take care.

windysan

isn't aspergers kinda like autism?

Duckling

im an aspie too.. it sucks.. but recovery from the substances itsef (heroin) has been really easy.. I cant do any of the steps though becuase im to litteral and powerless to me meens powerless.. when I insist that i wasnt powerless or I wouldnt have been able to stop on my own before finding NA. and dont get me started on the higher power stuff... its not always so fab being of above average inteligence ~(especialy when you have dyslexia aswell so people think your stupid becuase you cant spell)
relationships are very difficult (im a girl aspie so its expected of me even more to be empathic but i dont have such noticable 'odd behaviours') I found that I cat really make any decent freinds in recovery becuase no one is on the same level as me, they all believe in some kind of higher power and I cant have thouse conversations.. i can only talk about things I know about wich are things i believe to be true. I found it much better not to waste my time with recovery 'freinds' go and find people that have the same special interest as you... join a club, a forum.. work within the feild of it.. who needs the pub?

Dee74

Welcome to SR, Duckling

D

Duckling

thanks dee

sasto65

I have Asperger's too. I'm 14 years sober. I didn't get sober at first, but I came to the rooms at age 24. I know what it's like to look around and see nothing but "old" people. (Laughing at myself, because I'm "old" now) I didn't think I'd have much in common with those members of AA, and I'm happy to say, "I was wrong." Among many other things, I found that I had judged people based on their age. Shocking to me, as I was so angry at being judged for the same thing. I was afraid they'd treat me like a kid, and they didn't at all. For loneliness, I used what others did in AA. I started asking people how they were doing and listening to them. After a while, I learned their stories, and began to wonder about them if I didn't see them whether they were 18 or 80, they were my family. At age 24, my son was born with classic Autism. I was deep in the Big Book and into a new book by Temple Grandin at the same time. Both books described me perfectly. I had to get sober, before I could take care of anything else though, and I had to raise a son. For better or worse, I set me aside. Became of service in AA, and lost my loneliness. I became useful. My son is now 22. He's ok just like he is, and so am I. In an effort to stand beside him and other family members, and in a big step to be true to myself I went for evaluation at the first of this year. Their response to me was sort of "Well, duh!" I was diagnosed with Asperger's ofcourse. No, AA doesn't fix everything. It was, however a firm foundation to walk through other things. I've lived a chunk of life, and beside people like you, I've come to believe nothing is impossible.
Like you, meds didn't work for me. i too tried all kinds of drug treatments. I don't know about other alcoholics, but drugs work differently in my body. They nearly killed me, and I relasped in a black out on "non-addictive" drugs. They work miracles for some of us, even alcoholics, but I am allergic to them just as much as I was to alcohol. It amazes me that docs still want me to experiment with just one more drug. No thanks. I've been restored to sanity there too.
There is hope. There is room in AA for me, so I know there is room for others. It didn't fix everything, but it took a huge chunk of pain off of everything. It helped me be honest about my limitations and my assets. It gave me self worth and the ability to not only go through this evaluation. I walked through a sober divorce about three years ago, and I'm now a cancer survivor who is still sober. AA gave me eyes to see beauty in myself and others. It gave me the ability to love and have compassion, and to give away exactly what I was seeking. Love, friendship, someone to count on, someone who cared....all that I longed for was within me, and when I gave it ever so feebly and clumsily, it came back to me. My life is full today, and I no longer know lonliness. You are not alone.