How do I deal with unwanted freedom?

[IceWolf]

1st post. Alcoholism and my own personal f@%#edupness and mental illness in that order have put my marraige on life-support. Im a mentally ill alcoholic. I'm not only a near hopeless alcoholic, I also suffer from depression, anxiety/panic disorder. There's times unwanted voices and/or music is in my head. The alcohol made the voices and music stop, at least, but I now know that I must deal with them through legal drugs. When it comes right down to it, though, alcoholism is the key factor in my demise, without it, my wife wouldn't have kicked my asss outta the house
So here I stand, in a trial seperation, feeling alone and depressed, having to find another place to live and wondering how I can deal with being on my own. I worry that if I am by myself I will self-destruct turning to alcohol again with nobody around to hide it from. At least when I'm home or at the wacky shack I cannot openly relapse. On my own I'm free to be a drunken sod as long as I don't try to drive anywhere. And I see myself being all too content with sitting alone in a room or a one bedroom apartment, drinking myself into momentarily sweet oblivion.
How do you control your own appetites when it's just you when not at work? Any advice will be appreciated.

IceWolf

[IceWolf]

I'm not sure why my post was moved here and I downright question the wisdom of it. It's not the mental health part of the equation that worrrys me about moving out. If I take my pills and DON'T DRINK the mental illness is USUALLY kept in check. The drinking part is subject to my own choices and I posted it in an alcohol oriented forum that would get more responses for a reason, that is it that is all, do as God guides you mods.

IceWolf

[nandm]

How do you control your own appetites when it's just you when not at work? Any advice will be appreciated.

Welcome to SR. Glad you are here.

I did have to laugh when you stated you are a mentally ill alcoholic. I can truly relate. I have often laughed at the thought of being completly up front with someone I meet and say "hi, my name is Judith, I am a bi-polar, alcoholic, lesbian, with PTSD and an anxiety disorder; do you want to be my friend." LOL I can see them running away really fast.

The only thing I can share is my experience. The program of AA is how I controlled the obsession with alcohol. It helped me immensly. I also make sure I take my meds as prescribed and am completely honest with my psychiatrist so she has the information to make any necessary medication changes. Things are better in my life being sober than they were drinking. Yes, the alcohol numbed out the feelings which felt better at the time and some days I wish I were still numb but I realize that if I go back to the numbness I destroy my emotional availability in my relationships and will wind up destroying them. I am able to have honest, loving, and respectful relationships today but that took being able to be emotionally here rather than numb.

[reader]

Welcome, I wanted to suggest that u keep taking ur meds. I know when I wasn't medicated I had alot of difficulty focusing and keeping my life together. I was drinking way to much trying to make myself sleep and keep on a normal cycle. Eat often lots of protein snacks, eat up too 8 times a day to keep your energy up and to keep yourself on the right path. Keep bottled water on hand at all times and drink it often try to stay as hydrated as possible, add a touch of lemonade to it or any flavor u like. I use the store brand from walmart. I wish u continued good health and soberity.

[barb dwyer]

Well, I hang out here a good bit.

During work hours, anyway.
If I had a computer at home - I'd hang out then as well.