On the other end of it......

[Abundance]

Hi all... I'm not sure if this is place to go....... but my xabf.... is more than likely bipolar/rapid cycler. I like to think the opiate use contributes to this, but he says he has been clean now for a month, yet his cycles are so rapid still.

For example this past week..... 3 days solid in bed depression.... then 2 days of mania..... mixed in with a day or two of total moodiness and anger. When he calls me I have no idea "who" I'm going to get. Again, I used to think it was the opiates..... but I haven't seen him in a few weeks..... and so I can't really tell ...... he has always said he wasn't doing opies.... but then I later find out he was! So, he has lied to me about it before. I'm really confused.

I suffer with small amounts of depression..... but I feel that (especially with me being a codie)... my moods tend to mirror his...... or at least I am affected by his.... and this is all just from a phone call. It makes me obsessive.... like trying to figure out what is going on with him..... it literally paralyzes me. (okay... i know... i'm a codependent....).... but but but but...... how do other people who aren't codies deal with someone who is a rapid cycler.

He is not on medication..... he says that he set an appointment up with a "compliant pdoc" ... but it's not for another 3 months - March. He wants to do his own research and diagnosis and request certain meds..... which I am behind actually... but at the same time.... if he had a pdoc appt this week... then he could have tried 2 different kinds of meds in the meantime~ !
Trial and Error!

He has been on Paxil.... made him very angry... and violent. Zoloft/Klonie combo..... made him stupid and blah...

I think prozac would be good... and a friend has suggested to him Lithium.

How long do the opiates have to be out of his system before he can go on head drugs? What is the advised amount of time?

Sorry guys i know this is all over the board...... I feel totally unstable right now.

[historyteach]

Hi, Abundance,
And welcome to the MH forum of SR!

If your xabf is bipolar, then the doc's won't give him a straight antidepressant. So, prozac, paxil or zoloft alone or with a benzo is not a good idea. A straight antidepressant often brings on a manic episode. He needs a mood stabilizer, like lithium, or depakote or such...Often, antidepressants are added to that stabilizer.

On the other hand, there is an old saying here on SR. It goes like this:
Q. How can you tell when the addict is lying?
A. Their lips are moving!
What he says is irrelevant. What he *does* is what matters. And he's not going to the doc right away to get meds for a known condition. That's irresponsible. Whether or not he's still using.

I cannot answer the question about the length of time needed to be clean prior to meds. He needs to be brutally honest with his doctor. That doesn't seem very likely right now, unfortunately....

But, you need to take care of *you.* Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He's your ex and you cannot change what he is doing. Notice, *he* is not here asking the questions; you are. How is this helping *you?*

Please visit the friends and family of substance abuse forum. There are many people there who can help you refocus on what's important for you, right now. Your health and well being.

My son is a heroin addict, now in recovery. So, I fully understand what it is you have been through. Please stop trying to guess what it is he is doing or not doing. You didn't cause it; you can't change it; and you can't cure it. But, you have to care for yourself, or, like me, become quite ill if you don't.

I wish you the best...

Shalom!

[nandm]

Welcome to SR. Historyteach said it better than I can. Having an addict in a persons life can be extremely stressful. It is very important that you take care of you. If you are not yet working a program of recovery that deal with how to take care of yourself in a relationship with an addict it would be a good idea to find one. Definately a good place to start in the friends and families of substance abusers forum here at SR. Glad you are here.

[reader]

Hello, Lamictal and Effexor is a good combo for me. It takes alot of trial and error to find a good fit. Lifestyle changes help too, such as good nutrition- lots of carb with protein snacks. Rest is vital to my recovery a bad night sleep can through a wrench into my day. The most important part is to take care of yourself and take all the time u need to keep healthy and well adjusted. If that means taking the phones off the hooks than do it.....

[appleblaster]

Abundance, I know exactly what you're going through with an exabf (the "a" is for addict and alcoholic) who has mood swings that I cannot keep up with. This past weekend for example, I saw him go from the sweetest, most caring person taking care of me while I was sick to a yelling, character-assassin. He latched onto the most insignificant thing and ran with it. He had promised that I could lay in bed and get better, that he would rent movies for me and all I had to do was sit there and look pretty. That was totally ruined with him treating me as disposable again.
Now, he hasn't done this in some time so it took me by surprise. But he's abusing Adderall, alcohol and a few other items thrown in the mix. His life has truly become unmanageable at this point. He doesn't drink as much b/c of the Adderall but he takes a ridiculous amount of it.
He's admitted that i'm the only friend he has. He's pretty much driven everyone else away. He does not keep people around often with the exception of me.
To answer the basic questions, yes i'm codependent as discovered through dating him. Yes, I go to Al-Anon meetings which is why i'm not taking any of this personally. I'm very thankful I had interactions with him b/c it led me to my own road of recovery. Also yes, I realize that i'm talking a lot about him and not me. Giving some background for my questions.
He mentioned a while back that someone suggested to him that he may be bipolar.
So at the moment we're on the "outs" as we have been many times before, but not recently. I know what he needs to do......see the problem for himself and seek to have it helped by a professional. But i'm not sure what I need to do. My instincts are to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction but as soon as I begin to put distance between us I begin to feel guilty. As if there is still something I may have to contribute to his discovery/recovery. But also that could be the codependent ego in me, thinking that I have the answers. I feel compelled to at least back up the suggestion that he may be bipolar. As in the past, he will come calling back and i'm angry. People aren't disposable. I'm not disposable.
I'm trying to allow God to give me the queues and signals as I realize that if its His will that i'm in this man's life then that's how it must be. But i'm confused and guilt does me in.
We've been apart for long periods of time before and he just goes on as usual then puts his tail between his legs and calls me. Then I feel like as long as I come back (for whatever reason) i'm standing in the way of his recovery. Then I speak my mind with him and sometimes he actually hears me.
Like you Abundance i'm all over the place. I appreciate any input anyone may have or at least thank you for allowing me to get this out.

[historyteach]

Hi, appleblaster;;

Nice to meet you.
You'd be better off starting a new thread if you'd like some feedback. I'm afraid your concerns will get lost here on Abundance's thread.

Abundance, how's it going for you?
Let us know how you're doing. We care...

Shalom!

[Abundance]

Hi guys... well some things have transpired in the last week. His appointment got moved up to next Tuesday. He started researching yesterday the different AD's and Mood Stabilizers. He is sussing out his cycles. It is all coming to a head now and he his being faced with some realities that he has pushed aside for many years. I'm very proud of him to be taking this step as this is one huge step to take!

In the meantime, I am looking after myself..... I actually started on zoloft... and I'm finding that it is helping me already! Unfortunately, it's a borrowed script as I don't have health insurance, so I'll have to see what happens in a month from now.

I do post on the family and friends forum, that place is a life saver for codies....

He has asked me to really be there for him between now and Tuesday with going round and round with it all.... but what he also did say, which I thought was very considerate, was.... if you find that it is getting in the way with your own life... and it's getting to be too much to tell him. And I replied with... yes... I will. AND I will! I am paying attention to my own self and how I am reacting... and I'm forcing myself to not be wrapped up in his drama... it's not easy to do by any means. But it's also forcing me to look at my own life and self.

I feel like I'm not making sense, maybe I wasn't ready to respond.... ?

[Abundance]

EDIT:

Well I suppose that was wishful thinking. In less than an hour of writing that post.... he told me that after much research he is refusing any medical attention... and is going to go it alone.

[historyteach]

Well, there you have it.
If he won't help himself, there's nothing at all you can do to help him.

I wish you the best...
And him too, when he's ready.

Shalom!

[appleblaster]

Hey Abundance, sorry for venting on your post but it really hit home. That's the beauty of these boards. Just seeing it in writing is almost like seeing someone else say it. That gives me a different perspective.
At historyteach's advice I was going to post that in a new thread but I was able to answer my own questions.
The back and forth is so difficult. I just became tired of it and my "switch of disinterest" was turned on. Maybe not the best mechanism but it will do for now.
Much love Abundance!

[Abundance]

Update: Today was the doc appt. he took his first 20mg of Prozac.

He is a bit anxious about it though.....

Apple Blaster.. I totally relate to you.... I'm glad you were able to have some questions answered from my thread

Teach ---- ... thank you for the support!