hardly functioning

[cinderellawkids]

Im posting here cause some of you know me better than everyone else.
The last few weeks have been crazy.
Between my prior home I was trying to sell moments from foreclosure, children sick, me sick and then my car being stolen and crashed Im just a shell.
Im still taking my 20 mg of Lexapro. My doctor has also given me Xanax for the car crisis and I have little desire to do anything. Even if I dont take the Xanax. When I dont take it one minute Im sitting still with a blank stare the next Im pacing over anxious and ready to scream. When I do take it I just sit and dont move, barely think ect. Im not hungry I have no energy no desire to do anything. I still care for my kids Ive taken care of essentials for them and me, but I feel like Im just walking through the emotions, I dont feel even alive.

This morning I opened new bank accounts and got a new id, which I thought would push me pass the weird feelings but it has not.

I havent heard yet if my cars going to be fixed or what, or when Ill know. I have no desire to get me remaining things.

All I desire to do is lay down and stare into space. I spent most of the last few days doing just that.

Im wondering if I should take some time off work right now or if that would only make it worse

[sugarssweetpea]

In my opinion, I think that taking time off of work would make it worse. Every time I am in a depression & I stay at home & isolate (even though my kids are with me 24/7), I feel worse & sink more & more into the depression & it is harder to come out of. I pray things get better for you & your family. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

[daisygirl1217]

I agree! I have been in that place the last 4 days or so and it sucks.....coming back to work, though its work, has kept me from my mind going crazy..hang in there it will soon pass...just hold tight and dont let go....

[cinderellawkids]

I just wish I could snap out of this haze Im in. Im so used to be up down and all over the place.

[cinderellawkids]

I decided to take this pm off for some me time and errands. I do hope it helps, I have so much on my mind and so much to do

[peaceteach]

Cinderella,
I know that making yourself go through the motions even when your heart is not into it is the way to walking upward through depression. Eventually you will find your new normal and it will be good. And I also read a quote on these boards that said something like "going through the motions results in gaining the e-motions" so please keep trying! It's hard being the one who has to accept all the responsibilities, and I know you don't feel any strength, but you are showing that power you possess just by reaching out here. Hang tough, sweetie.

[historyteach]

Cinder...

I'm sorry you're so down...
I too agree that taking time off is not a good idea, unless of course, you just can't function at all. If you can, though, please try.

In the meantime, do what's tried and true; Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and physically. At least one thing in each of the categories each day if possible. At the very least, one thing a day. Force yourself if you have to. It helps.

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Shalom!

[reader]

I don't know if u take anything aside from the lexapro but 20mg. is a small dose and I have to take 3 meds. to get to get to the good place I am in. I would get your meds reevaluated and let ur dr. know how bad u are suffering. Take care....

[cinderellawkids]

Thanks everyone.

I took a few hours off and shopped slowly not rushed. (necessary shopping groceries supplies ect) I then walked at a park, went home early and took an hour nap. Walked throuigh the motions of the rest of the evening and went to bed early.
I woke this morning feeling more like me. Made myself exercise 10 minutres and am back at work. I should hear about my vehicle this evening, so heres hoping this down phase was an emotional trama result.
I only recently was able to get my Lex upped to 20 (3 months ago) but if I continue to have down spells Ill talk to my doctor again

[teke]

hey cinder, sorry you're feeling down but knowing you, you'll soon snap back. i agree with some of the others about work. you know that i'm praying for you, and hey, thanks for all the emails

[shutterbug]

Cinder.....dearest Cinder.....just wanted to let you know that I know A LOT how you are feeling seeing how my car was stolen about 3 weeks ago too. And the cops in my stupid city won't even look for it or charge the guy who stole it or anything. I started back to work yesterday and my mom found me a cheap car being sold in the paper for me to buy (instead of paying my dental bill from last month).....and the funny thing is that it's the EXACT same model car I had all through college and in which when I made my last payment on it the engine blew the next month. I hated the kind of car it was then....and I hate it now, but we had a scare today in that my mom had me convinced that IT was ALSO a stolen car!! I've only paid for 1/2 of it and the guy who is selling it to me...well his name isn't the name that is on the title we discovered....soooooooo..... needless-to-say ..... I got the cops involved because I didn't want any part of driving a stolen car!! He's suppose to call me in the morning and we're suppose to finish out the deal where I pay him the rest and he gives me the title. But it still agrevates me that we'd just finished paying off my other car right before it was stolen. Although, that seems to pretty much fit the story of my life.

Anyway....guess I just wanted to let you know....I know how crappy it feels.

[shutterbug]

Cinderella, I'm sorry for me not being able to focus my thoughts more on you in my above post. Lately i've had such a one-track mind....well, much worse than usual that is.

Since I've twice taken medical leave from jobs for major depressive episodes....it's my opinion that only you can know everything you are dealing with...and only you can decide what you feel is best for you.

If you are still dealing with the blank staring off into space stuff then that's not good. Although, I'm impressed that you were able to get yourself to excersise for 10 minutes!

I'm wondering if you are still feeling as bad now?

okay....i just re-read where you said you woke up feeling more like yourself one morning. I can't remember if you've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder or something else? But depression is almost always a symptom of something grander going on behind the scenes and while all of that could have been caused by stress alone, i suppose, ....it still seems to me more like a mood swing, which could have been induced by stress, but i'd need to know more and since i had to find a picture today that I'd taken last week and since when i did find it i never remembered seeing that building or picture in my life.....then i know i can't remember much of anything of what you've told me before. Sorry.

None-the-less, i'm wondering how you are doing and hoping the depression and blank-outs are at bay still.

lov and hugs,
Jenna