Panic attacks?

[tanyapmc]

Hi......

I have been off of benzos almost a year. I started taking them as prescribed at about age 20. The were not my first DOC. In the end they were my DOC. I did not have anxiety or panic attacks when they were prescribed. (I was going through many health challenges and had to have a hysterectomy at age 23, so the dr's prescribed them)

Fast forward 17 years. I got hooked on the benzos. I was on them 95 percent of the last 15 years. I think taking the benzos for so long deterred me from having any coping skills for anxiety. Does that make sense? Last January I detoxed off of them and have been clean and sober since.

After I went to rehab and came home I would awaken very startled and my heart would be racing. I blamed this on detox and it DID get better.

Well, that has started again.

I had about 6 of them yesterday. I wake up frightened. My heart is beating really fast and I feel like I cannot breathe. I am not on any psych medication right now. Is that a panic attack? If it is what do I do? It is one of the worst feelings I have ever had. Total and complete powerlessness. I thought panic attacks happened when people were awake in a panicky situation. Do they happen from sleep?

I think they are situational. My husband was planning on going out of town today and I have not stayed home alone sober. I hate that this freaks me out. I feel so weak and dependent. So I was supportive about him leaving. (only 2 nights). But I woke up sobbing in the middle of the night begging him not to go. He is very supportive and understanding and is not going. I hate feeling so ******* dependent.

I am beating myself up over this. I wonder what I can do about it. I tell my self that if I really am trusting in my Higher Power then I would not be so frightened.

Are these true panic attacks? I am not sure. As fate would have it I have an appt today with my psych dr. He is the dr that saw me through detox. I saw him about a month ago after he put me on some depression meds. I quit taking them b/c the depression got worse. He gave me a new prescription but I never started taking it. The depression has been alot better this past month and I do not want to take something that I do not need.

I am rambling. I am having trouble putting my thoughts together. I hope this makes sense. Thanks for reading and any responses. My thanks button does not work, so thanks in advance.

[splendra]

I have not had a benzo problem ever in my life. But I did at one time have a very serious drug and alcohol problem.

When I first got clean I was doing pretty well I got married and had a baby I did pretty well until the baby's father and I got a divorce. This set off anxiety and panic in me like crazy.
I guess because I am a trained medical professional I knew I had to get myself well least I end up somewhere I did not want to be. I knew I was nutritionly depleted so I started working on that.

I found what helped me was eating foods high in trace minerals I started drinking purified water too. Also another thing that helps me is when I take a mineral bath. Queen Helene makes a wonderful mineral bath product and it comes in several different scents. It really does help me to stop feeling anxious.

[Rowan]

Hi Tanya,

I've been off benzos for 4 years now. I started taking them as prescribed when I was still drinking, but became addicted to them in sobriety. Withdrawal was absolutely brutal. I think that you are pretty intuitive, Tanya, and see that you were anxious about being home alone for the first time since getting clean. I understand that it might make you feel needy, or dependent, but who better than your husband to lean on? You asked for help, and were validated. I think that's wonderful

I haven't experienced true panic attacks in sobriety, but I certainly have been aware of changes in body sensation i.e. racing heart, tightness in chest, raised temperature, but they haven't been as troublesome as what you describe.

I'm glad you are seeing your pdoc today. Maybe this would be a good time to start looking at natural ways to soothe yourself i.e. meditation, massage, breathing techniques, prayer? I've got a great book at home that I haven't looked at in a long time. I'll take a peek and see if there are some suggestions that might be helpful.

I think you're doing great, Tan, and it's good to see you taking care of yourself.

Love, Ro

[barb dwyer]

{{{Tanya}}}

I don't know about the causes - but I'm here to tell ya - if the walls feel like they're caving in - does what's causing it matter right then?

I think anxiety, at least the way you're talking about it - whether caused by drugs, or LACK of drugs - is STILL a chemical imbalance problem, and your'e right to go back to the doc.
And back.
And back.
And back.

Until something works.

I'm sorry I don't know you better - I see in your post you know about your trust in HP - but do you have a support system F2F?
That's unspeakably helpful in times like yours, where the world, is the world, was before we got here and will be when we're gone ....
we can't always arrange a buffer person.

That gets into the whole codie thing .. and is another thread completely.

I can't express enough how the Fellowship created a circle of understanding friends for me. I hope I've misread and you already have that. It's hard to learn to ask, but once you do - it's a whole different world hon.

[parentrecovers]

support to you, tanya. all i can suggest is that you keep working honestly with your docs and reaching out here and at aa. you're doing all the right things.

i send prayers that this too shall pass.

hugs, k

[Rella927]

Tanya I wish I could help more with that....I do know however that a panic attack is mostly "Fear" related....mom was a nurse and Dad a Doctor and I know that my mom use to have them all the time-and I do know she was on Benzo for them....can they create panic attacks after not taking them? Not sure of this....it is possible however that you could be having withdrawl from the benzo which can cause "fear" which is basically a panic attack ...fear of withdrawl- (Fear of hubby going away? Maybe nothing to do with anything other than that?)

Sorry I could not be too much help! I'm glad you are seeing someone today

[tanyapmc]

Thanks all for your comments and suggestions.

Splendra- I will go to the store today and look for those bath salts. I always take a hot bath at night as part of my routine (routines have become very helpful to me). I am also planning on going to weight watchers tomorrow to start eating healthier. I will also start buying purified water. Thanks for the tips.

Ro-Thanks for your insight. It made me remember that I have some meditation CDs that I need to download. I love doing the progressive relaxation. All it can do is help. And it is time for a massage. And your right, I am blessed to have a husband who cares and is understanding.

Barb-yes I do go to meetings. Atleast one a day. I love them and I love being supported their. As well as lending support to others. I have never been able to stay clean and sober without the help of the fellowship. Infact I have my first GSR meeting tonight.

K-thanks for your never ending support. I appreciate you alot. AND your sense of humor.

Rella-Your right on. They are definitly fear based. You and I have alot of the same background. My sdad was a dr and Mom a nurse too. I do not know if I could still be having withdrawl from the benzos. It has nearly been a year. But I was on them a LONG time. Thanks to you too for your ongoing support.

[Dee74]

looks of good advice here, but they sound like panic attacks to me Tan...sometimes it's the little things that stick in our craw and worry us, you know ?

you know where we are when you need us

D

[tanyapmc]

Thanks Dee. You always help me to feel better.

Update:

I went to the dr. He is ok without me starting any meds right now. He understands my aversion to them and since he saw me through detox he understands my fear of pills.

He is a different type of psych dr than I have ever seen. He also does regular talk therapy. He thinks (and I agree) that the panic I feel when thinking about being left alone comes from my childhood. So I am going to start somemore talk therapy. (oh joy) I have done quite a bit in the past but haven't had any therapy since this period of sobriety.

I am pissed at how much my upbringing is still screwing with my life. It amazes me what our family of origins can do to us.

I am very thankful that I have all of you and my homegroup. Thanks again.

[Rella927]

Honey .....I had a feeling that might have something to do with it! Ya know it is amazing that saying from the movie Hope Floats that I love so much:

My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life. But, I think he's wrong. I think my mom's right. She says that...
Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too...


I too leave the TV on at night ...ALL NIGHT...if it is OFF I freak-(Guess what?!) it is a part of being left HOME ALONE starting at the age of 13....I lived in a pretty big home back in the woods-and heard noises all the time if the TV was not on! So there you have it honey! Your not alone

[parentrecovers]

Originally Posted by tanyapmc

He thinks (and I agree) that the panic I feel when thinking about being left alone comes from my childhood. So I am going to start somemore talk therapy. (oh joy) I have done quite a bit in the past but haven't had any therapy since this period of sobriety.

I am pissed at how much my upbringing is still screwing with my life. It amazes me what our family of origins can do to us.

good for you for digging into it, tanya. that takes a lot of courage.



k

[historyteach]

(((Tanyapmc)))

My thoughts and prayers are with you...

Shalom!

[nufznuf]

I have panic disorder and the worst attacks I have ever had woke me up in the early morning hours between 4 and 5 am. I thought I was having a heart attack , I could nit breathe or think and it was the most horrible feeling I have even had. I knew I was dieing.
I too do not like to take pills.
I now use just xanax when I have a panic attack I can not get thru my self with other methods such as deep breathing, trying to focus on something like snapping a rubber band on my wrist or some other methods I have found that work for me.
For me once I learned that it was a panic attack, I learned to take control.
Everyone is different. My sister also has them but hers are MAJOR and she has not been able to use my methods to help her.

Take care of your self.
DO what you need to do .

[tanyapmc]

Thanks again everyone.

Nufz......I cannot take xanax. It was my drug of choice and I nearly died coming off of it. I am not giving you medical advise. That is just my experience.

I am better today, so thanks!

[stone]

I think as we get sober/clean we can find that we dont have coping skills, like you mentioned Tan.

Our way of 'coping' was to drink or pop pills or whatever. I too am finding some stuff from my childhood coming up-things I never used to think about I am now thinking about.
With me this is causing an anger problem.

I also used to have panic attacks, I didnt know thats what they were but looking back I think they were a type of panic attack were I would go into myself and be panicing and also feel very weird, kind of a spaced out-trippy feeling. Then later on in life I had a kind of paranoid-anxiety breakdown with tinges of schizophrenia-that was like a 2 year long panic attack with knobs on. It was horrendous. I am not really sure how I recovered from that.

I am rambling a bit but what I am trying to say is you/we need to learn the coping skills 'normal' people have developed.

One thing that really helped my anxiety was meditation and yoga/relaxation techniques. Also trying to 'stay in the moment' helps, we only have the NOW, as it were. If I can stop my thinking spiralling around past events or future fears and be-here-now I find things arent that bad right now. Deep breathing and trying to calm the mind naturally brings about that feeling of being here in the present moment and that helps me.

I know someone who has gone to see a therapist lately about their anxiety and it sounded like the therapist was basically teaching them relaxation/breathing techniques and the whole buddhist 'present moment' thing so....

[parentrecovers]

thinking about you, tanya ...

[Alive]

Hey Tanya..Just wanna leave my bit of knowledge..

For me i remember being some months ago in a spiritual retreat in an empty hotel, i was the only guest and i remember at the third day i had something like an anxiety running through my body...don't know..i remember it was raining.. i went out twice that night..one time to buy some light calming meds that don't work with me, the second time i went running at midnight...when i was back i was better.... that made me realize how a life change is needed, and it's not just meds. it's a whole new look at life. i do know many people don't have to go through what i went through, but i'm blessed...i have the chance to learn much more..

i'm just glad we all seem to have found another spiritual side that wasn't part of our mother cultures and yet makes such a difference in our lives...

hug