almost 2 years sober and more depressed than ever

[mary558]

hi i'm sober almost 2 years in august and have been on meds since then. Zoloft 150 mgs daily. the last few weeks, i have no energy what so ever and just come home and hit the keyboard. been isolating also I have no clue with what is going on. the fact is the zoloft made me gain almost 40lbs. so i joined a gym. i had to fight with myself to get into shower today. when i'm working i'm okay, but still i come straight home from work, been missing the gym. i don't know if this is due to all the rain we have been having in ny city. but i have appt with my dr. tomorrow and i'm going to tell her. i wish she would give me a enhancer to lift me up some. maybe the zoloft stopped working. let me know if anyone else went thru the same thing thanks mary

[2stop]

I haven't been sober but for 26 days so I can't relate to having 2 years and feeling depressed, but I just wanted to offer some encouragement. I have been pretty depressed myself here lately and I know it can be difficult sometimes to find the right anti-depressant. Definitely talk to your doctor and just tell her straight up it is not working. I have had doctors not want to listen to that, but you have to be persistent. It's good that you go to the gym, maybe thre's a boredom factor going on and a change of routine is in order, I have been dabbling with yoga, I am not the most coordinated being in early sobriety but it sure does give my kids a good laugh!! Well, just hang on hon and keep posting. We care here, and I hope to see you around!

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

[C61]

Mary,

I have suffered through a lifetime of depression. If it helps any I know how you feel. I tried to medicate myself with alcohol for over 30 years, the last ten of which I was also on meds. I have been sober now for over four months. I have had no trouble maintaining my soberity after I got started, but the depression is still there and will be there for the rest of my life. I know this becase it is inherited. Several members of my mother's family including her have suffered the hell of it.

I am no doctor, but you probably need to see about a med change. There are many other meds out there. It takes time to find the right combination. I think I may have finally found it, but it still have mild depression like you are describing about 10% of the time. If you get the meds right and don't drink you should see a major improvement.

Best to you,

Clark

[Sidra]

Hi there!

You are not alone. Diagnosed 8 years ago as bipolar, I have had an ongoing battle with this crappy illness.
At the same time I have learned huuuuuggggeeee lessons from paying attention to my behavior and also the behavior of others around me.
What I mean is that even from an early age (8) I knew that something about my moods and actions were a bit more severe and intense than the average bear.
By the time I was 20, I had an extreme alcohol problem, sexual promiscuity, self-abusive outbursts, and long periods of isolation...

You may feel familiar, with some or a lot of these problems.
The more insane my life had been getting, the more afraid I became...which is good because that fear forced me to seek help.

The hospital was the first step in my long list of reaching out attempts.

After that I went through four years of denial and going on and off of medications ( I tried at least twenty different prescriptions) and I am not exaggerating.
Through the years following, I decided that I was tired of wanting to be "normal" so I gave in and accepted that I have an illness, just like if I were diabetic and needed insulin.

Explaining this to people that aren't familiar with mental illness is like speaking a language that is foreign to them.
This can be very discouraging, especially if that someone is a person you look up to and respect or depend on.

This is getting to be long, I will write more again here later....
Love Sidra

[Sidra]

After all the years of seeking professional help and being in and out of the hospital 4 times, I still was letting myself drink, use drugs, behave promiscuously, and basically be an all-around self-abuser, I said ENOUGH!
I became pregnant in Jan. and instantly changed. PLEASE
don't getme wrong, I am not saying that this is what I suggest as a cure for problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just happened to be that this was my turning point and everyone has their own turning point...
I have been sober for 6 months now and my depression and overall crappy moods have really died down and I am on a lot less medication than I was before the sobriety and pregnancy.

So even now I don't have it perfect, but I am getting closer to my dream, and all I want is to acheive stability in a family environment and hold a stable job.

The rest can fall into place later....
I know I babbled a lot about my life, but if anyone needs any help and hasn't been dealing with their illness for long, I want to help
you.
Love Sidra

[Lilya]

Good posts here. I hope we can help each others. I´ve suffered from depression since I was a teenager so I know what you´re going through, Mary. I´ve been sober since 1986 and it´s a constant challenge. I´ve tried many brands of meds for my depression but I think my doctor finally found me an anti-depressant I´ve tried. It´s called Cetalopram in France -Cipramil in the US.

I also stopped many times like Sidra, and it´s only recently that I came out of a very severe episode of depression. I finally accepted taking this medication every day and realized it´s like diabetes, just like you, Sidra. And the sexual promiscuity, drinking and drug-taking plus periods of isolation seem to go with this disease. Sobriety is a huge challenge and we need positive activities to replace the urge for quick“fix”.

I try different activities every day to kill the routine and I work 2 nights a week as a SOS suicide counselor. To be of service is extremely valuable.When I get into my depressed states I try to accept it and let it flow.

Sometimes I even try to increase it by watching heavy movies, like Ingmar Bergman´s films. They are so depressing, it actually makes you shake your head and think: “Oh boy! This is too much!” Works every time.

“Sleep of reason produces monsters” -Goya.