Narcissistic wound

[Butterflywoman]

On my way to seeing my therapist I pulled in behind someone who was getting in her car. She took forever to get settled and start her car, so I angrily asked her why she was being so rude. Afterwards I realized I was being rude. I talked with my therapist about why this woman triggered me. She said the woman had "ignored" me and this was a typical narcissistic wound. I am a BPD with narcissistic tendencies so this made perfect sense to me. I was ignored as a child and developed issues of entitlement around it. So next time I am going to get angry but restrain myself from confronting her. I will just process the hurt that always lies beneath my anger. I am glad I am in therapy. It really helps me.

:praying

[Hooner]

Wow, that sounds deep. I too get annoyed with people and I can understand your anger for this woman. But to me the woman was totally into herself and not being considerate. That's not your fault.

My trademark is giving "thumbs up" on the highway versus the naughty bird. It always confuses them....

[caraway]

I think alot of people would get impatient with someone like that, myself included,(though I am practicing patience, tolerance, acceptance and understanding towards others including strangers) especially if you're having a stressful day yourself. Sounds like she was being a bit narcissistic in ignoring you.

[Trying.]

Butterfly, I hear you. I too have a narcisstic wound and learning to recognise my crap and not others is important to me,. Yes I could agree with others here and say "oh but she wsa being into herself" maybe she was, maybe she wasn 't, thats beside the point...WTG on being brave enought to change who you are!...its a long hard journey I know! but so worth it, and eventually you start to become quite a generous person...its nice when that happens.

[Butterflywoman]

I walked into the danger zone today (the post office). The line was long. The staff was going slow. The people were mailing a lot of stuff. Just when it was my turn the person took a break. The whole time I kept repeating to myself, "I am not being ignored." Also, my other mantra, "Return to love." This is from Marianne Williamson. I used to think you had to be a spiritual, loving person all the time. But Marianne taught me that this is not humanly possible and all we have to do is leave self-centered fear behind and return to love. I am working on all this because my self-respect is at stake. I want to be a nice person and sometimes I am not. The closer I get to being patient and laid back (like my role models) the better I feel about myself. At the same time I am BPD and therefore cannot ever be like people who don't have this disorder. So to maintain my confidence I see myself as a "work in progress."

[Wascally Wabbit]

Wow, this explains a woman at work perfectly. If she isn't getting attention and adoration from someone, anyone, at work, she becomes very aggressive.

[Trying.]

Butterfly. For me its still feeling the frustations, but being able to keep them within me and not use them in anger toward another...also its been about knowing when to complain and when not too...when is a complaint justified?...we do not have to be walked over either...life is like a juggling act most days I find LOL

[cinderellawkids]

WOW, Im glad I read this. I can be nasty if I feel like Im being ignored, and I never understood it. I react less and less to it, but still feel all the feelings

[1toomany]

Being ignored is very painful if viewed as a form of rejection; it really depends on the situation and the parties involved. I can relate to the parking situation though.....it's usually someone getting on their cellphone before starting up the car. Guess they're entitled, but wouldn't it be nice if they just hung up and drove the car?

[Elizabeth2007]

Originally Posted by Butterflywoman

On my way to seeing my therapist I pulled in behind someone who was getting in her car. She took forever to get settled and start her car, so I angrily asked her why she was being so rude. Afterwards I realized I was being rude. I talked with my therapist about why this woman triggered me. She said the woman had "ignored" me and this was a typical narcissistic wound. I am a BPD with narcissistic tendencies so this made perfect sense to me. I was ignored as a child and developed issues of entitlement around it. So next time I am going to get angry but restrain myself from confronting her. I will just process the hurt that always lies beneath my anger. I am glad I am in therapy. It really helps me.

:praying

Wow Butterfly. I could have written this. I get triggered by being ignored too. I don't have narcissistic tendencies, but I have lots of anger and low self-esteem.

Thank you for sharing this. I don't feel so alone and understand that because I was ignored and devalued all my childhood - when people ignore me or devalue me now - it triggers me. I can choose to not react, I can deal with the hurt and move toward healing with each instance.

Again thank you for sharing.

[sugarssweetpea]

I also try to ask myself when I am in a situation where say, someone is in line in front of me & is taking a long time, when I feel myself getting frustrated & angry, I ask myself why am I and what I am doing more important than what they are doing. I usually cannot come up with a logical answer that is not completely self centered & I do not know their situation b/c I do not even know them. It helps me to not get angry.

[grateful2b]

Butterflywoman, Thankyou for your brave and thoughtful posts! I too, was ignored as a child and have had to learn to own and observe my hurt when experiencing someone else's behaviour that I felt was directed at me...I love how you process the moments when you are triggered.....