next step in my saga

[hippyhippy]

Hi folks,
another step, another thread.

Today I am starting another drug. Sodium valproate. I have put it off for long enough. this weekend I took an overdose and ended up in A&E as I believed that I could not manage one more day feeling as I did. I did not want to die, I just wanted to get off the bus of life for a while I think. This last weekend has taken me to the lowest I want to go. Any lower and I am in deep doo doo. The favoured option of Lithium is on hold as my shrink wants to try this first, as it is 'safe' for me. I believe it is favoured for rapid cyclers too.

However, this weekend has taught me something. I want to be here, alive and with my family. I want to be at home where people really care for me. Hospital is NOT........ absolutely NOT the place for me to be. I have so much in this life to be grateful for and the lows of this horrible illness, whilst absolutely bloody horrible DO come to an end. Just three days ago I would never have believed I would be sitting here writing this feeling so positive.

I am feeling hopeful that by accepting a mood stabiliser, I am on my road to REAL recovery. Not just the short times of stability, or times of feeling elevated, but a real and lasting feeling of normailty. It is all I can wish for really. We have one life and we have to take the chances we can to feel good as we can't do it again eh?

Keep fingers crossed for me guys eh?
Thank you to all who keep supporting me. You folks really are the best on this earth.
Hippy
xxx

[shutterbug]

the valproate is the same as Depakote right? if so, you'll need monthly blood tests to make sure the levels don't get too high in your system. If it doesn't work well for you...have you tried Lamictal? In my opinion, and my doctors and therapists, ...Lamictal should be the first mood stabalizer tried. But see how the Depakote works for you. It may work perfect. i sure hope it does. you don't deserve to be going throught all this. i think about you all the time. i'm sorry that i don't have the brain or physical energy to write more often as i'm struggling myself. i'm seriously about to check into ECT. My therapist is going to call them for me this week to see about scheduling me for an evaluation to see if i qualify. A huge part of me hopes that i do so that i can just get it done, get past being scared, know that it works and know that i will always have it available to me in the future.

The future seems not so grim if i could know that i could rely on something like ECT, with it's 90 percent success rate (for depression that is).

hugs and prayers and you are in my thoughts tonight dear friend,
jenna

[hippyhippy]

Hun,
don't worry about not writing screeds, It is nice that you even read my ramblings. I totally understand how it is when you are so low yourself. To give advice to others feels like a major task. I find that even thinking can bring on another blast of low.
I do hope the ECT works for you if you decide to go for it. I think that when you are so low, anything is worth a try. You are so brave hun and I am so full of admiration for you.
Sodium Valproate is the same as Depakote. They don't routinely test your levels here like they do for lithium. I will ask doc on Friday about that.
I haven't been on Lamictal, but apparently Sodium Valproate is the one to go for for rapid cycling.
I am fairly upbeat at present and slightly on edge at the prospect of going down again. I pray pray pray that this will be me now, even and stable.
Hippy
xxx

[historyteach]

Hippy,
I hope you find your answers and that this drug will help stablize your mood swings.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Shalom!